I believe I deemed another poem the last apology
So this is a poem of what's left
Though I'd like to say otherwise
You were the first, the last and the worst
You were the first person to teach me what love meant
The last person I'll ever let break me down so many times before
I finally realized you were the worst pain this heart has ever felt
And just to be clear
What's left is pain, anger and memories draped in holy light that no longer exists
But please let me thank you
For turning me into the same kind of emotionless *** driven animal you're probably ******* as I read this poem
Let me thank you
For eradicating any hope I had of embracing my own vulnerability
Because of you my walls are so high I can stare at dying souls without staining the skin under my eyes
Let me thank you
For showing me this world is not fair
As if I needed further proof
As to what my world become after you offered up your heart to the next five people who treated you the *********
You are to blame for the demons living in my heart, my home
And you had nothing to do with how none of that had the chance to embody me
I won my battles for me
But please let me thank you
For giving me one hell of a chance to beat the **** out of my hatred
Snap the backbone of my disdain
Obliterate the demon you gifted me
And walk away unscathed
C.N. / Words written in the sky that is my mind
Mar 24, 2015
Mar 24, 2015 at 7:16 PM UTC
I remember being chained to the floor
My mouth stitched shut by threads of doubt
Not knowing if I'd been locked away in an abyss
Or if my eyes had been seared blind by all the pain I chose to see
All breaths were heaving burdens
And I could feel my heartbeat slowing but did not have the will to use it to trace the passing time
What could I do?
Was there a word, a spell to unlock the hold placed upon me
If I could only clear away all the trauma and tragedy
But nothing, I could find nothing
I remember crying to the sound of voices telling me I would end and waste away here
They laughed as they told me I was meant to die
Screaming I tugged viciously at my shackles
Nothing, I could feel nothing
But then my moment came
Something gave way the chain had certainly loosened
That night or day or moment void of time
I bit down hard on my own flesh as I begged my body to fight for me
Despite the blood trickling off my fingertips
Hours, no it could have been days
I wouldn't have known the difference between seconds and weeks
But through curses and agony I split my chains
And I tore open flesh and stitches to let my cry of victory echo
I remember laying my fingers over every crevice of that chamber
Still blind to anything that lie beyond my cell of self inflicted torture
Surely there was a way to escape
I scanned over the room until I could find the walls without reaching out
I found myself stranded and the voices came back to mock my feeble attempts at freedom
And I cried and cried and cried
I remember growing a fire in my heart with the burn of determination to survive
Begging it to quicken and bless me with the will to fight
And that is when I began to climb
Oh how many times I fell and cursed my foolish hope
Only to convice myself to scale the wall once more
Sweat raining off my back
At last I caught a whiff of something alive and fresh
And titled my head up
Proceeding to choke on my own breath
How long had it been since I'd witnessed the glory of light
And with layers of skin stripped from my fingertips
I clawed my way up to flat land for my final battleNow I'm looking down on the endless pit I jumped into
And here is what I will remember
As I breath air both crisp and smooth
Savoring flowers unique scent and tastes
I will remember that the only reason I now take every advantage of our golden sun
By absorbing all and every ray of light
Is because of every ounce of effort and energy
I poured into gaining back my open skied world
Every drop of blood
Every anger soaked tear
Every fear filled drip of sweat
Made my journey a success
There was no miracle, no spell
Just a straight uphill battle matched only by my own will to thrive
And so there is no forgetting
That this was more than worth it
C.N. / Words written in the sky that is my mind
Mar 10, 2015
Mar 10, 2015 at 5:47 PM UTC
Stability at last
Peace of mind is finally achieved
I can stand still in this vast sea
Balance and calm as any other
So what's the whispering in my ear
Why do I glance behind me one too many times
What impending wave do I have to fear
No not terror or fright I think this discomfort
With my heart being at ease
Because I have to wonder if this is really me
A boy so engulfed and accustomed to tragedy, pain, and loss
To a man that stands tall and collected among the most daring adventures
Who is it that I see in the mirror these days
Is it really me can I maintain my identity when nothing is shaking
Perhaps this isn't who I used to be
And maybe just maybe that's okay
To stand eyes forward and head held high
Even as the rain spits in my face
C.N. / Words written in the sky that is my mind
Mar 9, 2015
Mar 9, 2015 at 3:46 PM UTC
I am everlasting nothingness
My soul emptied of all purpose
A life without meaning
Heart beating faster hoping to overheat and finally find peace
Hopelessness that begs to be broken
Icy pain pleading to be melted away
Banished by my bitter flame
Raging viciously through my blood
Crashing into everything around me
Lighting my little world aflame
All I cherish scorched beyond recognition
Broken insides as tears crash down like ocean waves
The waters of my soul washing over all inside and out
The sea's raging storm tearing away any layers protecting me
Rain and wind piercing through resolve I never did affirm
Being cleansed of more than just darkness and pain
My humanity threatens to be shaved away
As I roll upon the shore
An island and I am the new budding tree
Reaching hopefully and eagerly for the light of the sky
While anchored to ground that keeps me alive
I must continue to grow, to survive
I wake from this lost lands cursed slumber
A transition within my mind
And as my eyes are once more cast toward this ocean inside my soul
I drive into inner depth a heart crafted by willful waters
My purity is locked further within
Plummeting so far down into ever expanding darkness
Only to discover the most powerful wonders of myself
Forgotten just past the beginning of my time
Treasures of origin now reclaimed
And this is where I find my wings
Sculpted golden, sleek and shining
Formed by the softest flowing but most pressured liquid courage
I won't wait to ascend upon the clouds
Drapped in captivating colors
For my greatest day now closes its eyes
Though it no longer holds domain over who I am
The man who cannot be stopped
As I always have been
Only before I looked through mirrors
Who I was based off of reflections others bounced back
Opinions from minds that could never decipher the cryptic code that formed meNow I reflect the light of the stars I have absorbed
Mixed with a blue flame of determination and desire
A cooled focused new drive
Along with the glisten within my twilight eyes
I am a divine being composed of these new colors
And I will never again be confined
I am the understanding brought through pain
I am new life found by dying
I am peace sought from chaos
I am the God of Hope
The greatest beacon of light
The epitome of beauty
Born and breed from this uniquely never ending nothingness
C.N. / Words written in the sky that is my mind
Mar 7, 2015
Mar 7, 2015 at 5:20 PM UTC