Flicking through pictures of us and remembering how simpler times and our lives used to be
But then global panic set in and our worlds were in limbo and that was the same for everyone else apparently
I told you to stay home and not worry about me
But you wanted to be a supportive friend and come to my house and check up on me
I should’ve looked at your symptoms more closer and not just said a case of allergies
If I knew that was the last time I’d see you I would’ve hugged you tighter
I would’ve picked us up a bottle of Hennessy and we could’ve talked about how when we were younger we thought the worse thing we’d drink that would burn our throats was room temperature Apple cider
Could’ve rolled us up one and I’d forget mine so we’d have to use your lighter
Then we’d get the munchies and walk down the block to McDonald’s three in the morning and get breakfast and lunch foods because we had bipolar **** induced acquired taste
Sorry I’m just going off tangent to keep tears from falling down my face
I remember our late night conversations and how we both said we didn’t want funerals because we felt they’re a waste
We’d rather have our friends and family throw a celebration party and think back on all the good times as they remember us
But now that you’re gone and our dynamic duo is now a solo dolo
These pills in my left hand look rather death inducing but this razor blade in my right hand also looks like another possible solution to make the world remember us
I could never go through with it though because I’ll always have your voice stuck inside my head
“The **** is you thinking
I’m surprised at you
You been swimming in the murky waters called life for twenty one years and now you take the easy way out and wanna start sinking?
Do you know how many people are looking up and supporting you
All the people from our neighborhood who couldn’t go to college or imagine a better life for themselves are now focused on watching your journey on to success and living their lives through you”
Tough love and tougher advice I needed to hear to get myself back on track
But it doesn’t diminish the fact your no longer here and there’s no chance of you coming back
You really should’ve put yourself first for once and stayed home practicing social distancing and I would’ve never had a reason to write this rap
What am I supposed to do now that my partner in crime is watching over me and hoping I make her proud from time to time?
Keep living life the way I was before and hope and pray I don’t get committed time from our crooked criminal justice system for an uncommitted crime
So much I wanted to say before I hit send on this voicemail that i know you’ll never hear but felt inclined to do that way nobody has room to give you fake love and appreciation for the final time
Last bit of Hennessy left in this bottle from when we were together before i knew it would be the last time
I think I’ll drink it out the bottle with no chaser and let you live through me one final time
May 20, 2020
May 20, 2020 at 4:47 PM UTC
Promise me honestly
Our vows will hold weight like the hammer of Thor
I vow to be the protector of your
Heart and emotions both in reality and consciously
Cautiously making sure you don’t look like a fool in these winter streets
When In the eyes of the public I represent you and it’s vice versa for me
My heart was locked off to love and god must’ve blessed you with the only key
For so long I used to think my love life was dead and non salvageable
All that’s missing from my happy life is some ears from a famous mouse and a kiss in front of a castle so it can truly be magical
And I promise you this isn’t a love that you’ve felt before
studied each other like profilers from the fbi and that helped us build our rapport
So can you promise me honestly
Our vows will hold weight like the hammer of Thor
Feb 16, 2020
Feb 16, 2020 at 10:59 PM UTC
Bullets made of lead
Brave soldiers blood keeps getting shed
IEDs and S-vest go off leaving captain America with TBI and shrapnel in his head
America said it’s only my 3rd day out here so why must y’all choose to put me 6 feet deep in my bed
My winter nights supposed to be cold not ******
When I said a vacation far from everyone I didn’t mean in ROTC crawling on the ground getting muddy
And I won’t say names
But this countries deck of cards hasn’t been the same since we added the 45th card and now he keeps receiving the wrong kind of fame
I don’t have a problem with the man it’s more his beliefs choices and antics
Airstrikes on foreign countries now WW3 is trending and everyone’s in a panic
College students scared to file their FAFSA because they’re scared to be drafted
To think I almost brought a child in this world
To think I almost married one of my friends to keep her in her first world of choice and not taken back to her third world
People get married in court rooms then take pictures in front of the courthouse and settle for dutty pigeons flying over head instead of the white doves
No flower girl in sight just kids forced to dress up and smile for their parents wedding picture but it’s the fifth guy they’ve seen their mother with so they’re confused as to what is really love
Most women dreams of an elaborate wedding get shot down and crushed due to the fear of immigration looming
Now men’s dreams of being able to protect and provide for their family get replanned for them by getting shipped to war to prevent nuclear bombs to get to booming
Instead of making peace we’re bombing people
Before getting out of one war we’re deployed to the next
Low morale and fatigue get us captured and tortured now the enemy is recording a video of chopping off our necks
We just sent 700 troops to the Middle East to prepare for a war that’s imminent
If not WW3 scale there’s a war coming
And when it comes I’ll be running
Not towards the bullets but in the opposite direction
Up north and make my new national anthem oh Canada and sipping a Canada Dry
And if I look at the news and hear sad reports about my former country I probably won’t have a tear in my eye
Jan 4, 2020
Jan 4, 2020 at 10:28 PM UTC
America the great
America my favorite escape
You’re slowing falling deeper into turmoil and today was the day we were supposed to plan your escape
There’s a man leading you and your people into a grave
America please fight for yourself so we can go back to calling you brave
Stop letting them get you to conform, if you bend anymore we’ll literally forget your original form
And I don’t know if you know it yet or not but you and Russia seem to have an on and off relationship and the man that’s misleading you is how the wall was born
Immigration laws keep separating kids from their parents
Thank God my mom was born here but what about the friends that I cherish
Mrs. Pakistan doesn’t have a man but to keep her in the states she’ll be marrying this American
What about my Mexicans? My Africans? My Dominicans? And my Ecuadorian?
Bill Cosby drugged women and I married a handful just so more innocent families aren’t torn apart
Like I said before I’m selfless with my antics
I’d do anything to not see another family get separated and put in a panic
America we aren’t talking about money when we said we need to see a lot of change drastically before upcoming dates
Segregation can’t be taught anymore if it’s a current event and it’s happening before journalists can document the dates
Aren’t you tired of seeing blood and tears shed on your wide estates?
America I won’t make this too long but I’ll just ask this last question
America, Are We Too Late?
Nov 6, 2018
Nov 6, 2018 at 7:23 PM UTC
You left around ‘06
And the wall called my guard is still up with these old bricks
I’m scared to tell a girl their heart is in good hands with me but my emotions in theirs is too slippery they won’t be able to get good grips
I feel more blue than red nowadays I feel like my affiliation belongs to the crips
Hennessy been looking better and better these past couple of days she might get these elite licks
She took my pain away after a few sips
Sike I’ll never fall for these plain Jane girls like French tips
You’d be surprised I’m 20 and haven’t fell for a hoes tricks
You can thank my mother and sisters for the guidance
Thinking you’d come back used to be a big hope in my mind that occurred in wide stints
But before I turn 20 I just wanna say I’m not mad at how your absence made me a hollow man
I’ll never know a mans love so when I tell my future kids that I love them I hope I can get them to understand
I’ll be the embarrassing dad just because I want them to know I’ll forever be apart of their life
I’ve dealt with that sharp pain of wondering if my life would’ve turned out better if you stayed in mine
So I’ll never want my kids to feel the pain of that knife
Again sorry for the long voicemail
Just some last minute thoughts before I turn 20
Aug 11, 2018
Aug 11, 2018 at 11:26 PM UTC
From the kid killed in front of the bodega to all the women being ***** along with police brutality
Someone’s playing Thanos because we’re dying off rapidly
There won’t ever be a food shortage because half the population is gone in an unknown fatality
When will we see the end to this
Millions billions and trillions of dollars dumped into our military but there’s still no sense to this
But this is the make America great country that I’m living in
How can hell be any worse than the one we’re living in
I’ll probably see more people dead than I’ll see graduated
There’s polar opposite feelings when death certificates and graduation certificates are allocated
Never catch me outside in my house is where I’ll be located
The blocks getting hot and only by the guns that inhabit them
And it’s all fun and games
Until police brutality or false identity gets you killed and your life lives on through people that have inked your name
And no matter how many memories you had with them it’ll never be the same
Because their watching over you at a height no mortal man can obtain
I’m not trying to be a pastor trying get people to follow the words I preach
I’m just praying the ones I love stay safe in these summer streets
Aug 10, 2018
Aug 10, 2018 at 1:32 AM UTC
There’s days where feel a little under appreciated
But every time I’m with you I feel that get alleviated
I don’t know if it’s you or me turning 20 but I feel my life’s purpose is a little different now
You should see me running in my house answering a notification hoping your name on the screen will come around
Not desperate but my happiness comes in short stints and doesn’t last for long
And if your wondering about my scars let’s just say most of my clouded judgement and overthinking is the result of me micromanaging all the things I should’ve done right that I thought were wrong
Don’t look at my wrist just put your eyes on me
Let’s just say I’m the type of person who shouldn’t be left alone in a dark room with their thoughts because they’ll be a shock for few and that would be a total surprise to me
People shed a few tears and I never thought I’d see a few cries for me
I never let you in because I’m scared once you leave the haunted house called my thoughts you’ll go far away
My best friends called anxiety and depression keep interrupting me when I’m trying to find the words expressing my emotions and it’s hard to say
You ever feel like you’ve just met someone and you wish the conversations you had with them get longer in duration
That’s how I felt with you because I’m usually beating myself over the head with my thoughts and every time we talked I had one less abrasion
And if your reading this just know it wasn’t you that had a part in me doing this I just got tired of everything and I wanted you to know that the time we spent together was the perfect date
And I’m sorry I could never tell you this in person and had to put it on the fourteenth tape
Jul 13, 2018
Jul 13, 2018 at 2:26 PM UTC
Such a pretty young thing
And a personality like no other I’m shocked someone hasn’t raided your finger with a diamond so the insects called men can’t have a chance with you because of your bug repellent ring
It’s sad when you realize the person you thought was keeping you up instead was keeping you down
Your number 1 fan turned to your number 1 stan and now you realize that you’ve been the most realist person on your team that you’ve kept around
Girls be wanting Hakeems from the Bronx but want a wedding like Aladdin in the Sultans Palace
Stop getting married to temporary vibe boosters because once that high is over you’ll be out your wonderland and your name will no longer be Alice
Stop doing joint bank accounts with hopes of traveling the world together because only one of your passports will be the new portable atlas
My PhD in relationship longevity is telling me to diagnose you with takotsubo cardiomyopathy due to an unhealthy exposure to malice
We not together right now but I have faith it’s in gods plans
You falling for the wrong guy but I know you’ll land in gods hands
You should give me a call when your man playing child games
I won’t be your knight in shining armor but I’ll be the one to save you from your depression and suicidal claims
Thick girls don’t need to worry about losing weight
Guys like me love you the way you are and when we say you’ve been weighing heavy on our mind it means you hold weight
Trying to give change to a man who doesn’t know your worth when you’re the whole dollar but that’s for a different debate
Never let the public eye shape how you feel about yourself in your private eye
All those names they call you during the day wash away in the night time
And take my advice when I tell you eating your problems away doesn’t make the pain subside
I should be telling myself this advice but look in the mirror and when you smile at the reflection only then will you be able to go out in the world and have the biggest enemy called your conscience on your side
Jul 13, 2018
Jul 13, 2018 at 2:24 PM UTC
Beauty on the outside with scars on the inside
Keep lying to yourself but I know emotionally broken women when they come across my line of sight
1000 selfies taken and only 1 of them gets posted because the angle is just right
They say a picture paints a thousand words but I can tell from your captions there’s more things to paint
His smile
His charm
The way he makes you feel
The protection you feel in his arms
How he treats you
All the things that pulled you in and all the things you love about him equally that you can’t even rank
Your friends told you he’s cancerous but you said he’s benign and he’s right for you
But I’ve noticed the natural glow your skin used to have is getting a little dim so I wonder does he shed enough light on you
If he doesn’t then I’ll be your sun and shed light and insight on you
I just wonder how can a lady as pretty as you date men that are so dumb
They aren’t worth your time so why do you give them some
You mix beauty brains and a social life so well you should forget your career goals and be an author and write a book for the preteen girls and mold their brain while they’re still young
Tell them selling their body isn’t good advertisement for the public when it should be done in private
Leave guys wanting more and curious and your true intentions make sure to hide it
Tell them that a premium Snapchat isn’t inflating their pockets it’s just giving the adult entertainment business new fresh faces and lives to corrupt
It’s all fun and easy revenue until all your clients get used to the same camera view and that cash flow becomes abrupt
Never put all your cards on the table until most of the boys on your list flopped turned their *** card in and cried you a river for your amusement
I’m not saying tell these girls to play with guys hearts but keep their guard up
But enough about all these girls let’s get back to the one I’m started talking about which was you
The boomerang called life can be thrown but so far until it comes flying back to you
Never sell your soul and morals to a man because no matter how dreamy the eyes may seem
All it takes is a hard enough pull on your heart strings to get pulled back into your reality nightmare from your beautiful dream
Older you learned from those mistakes but younger you made those same mistakes as other girls I can see the resemblance
Same attitude
“Men aren’t crap, I should turn gay
There’s somebody worthy of my heart, the same lie I’ve been told all my life and it’s told the same way”
But the truth is your heart has too many scars from your past and you’re just filled with resentments
Scars can’t heal overnight it’ll take time to mend
But in the mean time makes amends
With your exes and forgive them for not knowing how to treat you
Your mentality was a deadly fatality on them and you were always like a star high in the sky and they could never reach you
So please take my advice when I say don’t fill your heart with hatred because sooner or later it will eat you
Jul 13, 2018
Jul 13, 2018 at 2:21 PM UTC
I was looking for a way out of my thoughts and mental prison
Before you knew me I was washing away my ***** past and embarrassment that made my skin crimson
But I’m not worried because I know one day I’ll be strong enough to escape my mind
No matter if it costs me to break myself and rebuild it over time
I just need a place to rest my head for the night and let out my last bit of crying
And the devil with his contract keeps appearing my dreams but I’m not ready to give up and commit to signing
Tell me I’m pretty, even though I have a broken soul
Tears from my past, while my heart has a hole
And please don’t look away from my face, I promise I won’t make another me and be cold as stone
Just take me in your arms and tell me my hell is behind me and you’ll be my heaven and I’ll always be loved along with my broken soul
Jul 13, 2018
Jul 13, 2018 at 2:19 PM UTC