it was the hooded-sweatshirt, sit-close-and-pretend-you’re-cold, bleacher-seat,
whiskey-and-coke homecoming that you never had when the leaves changed.
but the leaves changed anyway.
the damp grass smelling vaguely like your fireplace as the world got quieter,
your nose in your precalc and your foot tapping and how-many-years-left
of solo fridays, you counted the suburban stars but didn’t tell anybody
how ******* beautiful they were above your head, because they were yours.
when you wore your high school colors, you were cold for real. no pretense
in your shivering, no flutter in your abdomen because he wasn’t gonna talk to you,
and you didn’t really care, you shrugged. but the leaves changed anyway.
and you changed, slowly. grew taller and smarter and prettier and then the
remaining solo fridays shrank to none, and you left. big sweet snowdrifts turned to spring
and you shared whiskey-and-coke with the city, your stars dimmer but abdomen
finally fuller, and limbs warmer and no sweatshirt because you didn’t need one,
and hands all over to hold and feeling all three kinds of love at once.
and then the accidental homecoming, and the changing of the leaves
and the hooded-sweatshirt shivers and knowing you’re so much bigger now than the
suburban stars and the backward glances of the bleacher-seat kids, but the damp
grass still smells like your fireplace and suddenly you’re small again, just for a
second but god that second, you shiver and turn around again. you’re so much
bigger than this but homecoming, this whiskey-and-coke homecoming still isn't yours.
Sep 16, 2021
Sep 16, 2021 at 11:32 AM UTC
We are the ones who are hard to understand
We'll be the last ones in the movie theatre
because the ending scene made us cry
We'll stop to smell the roses
because they deserve to be appreciated
We are the ones who will take the time
to learn what keeps you up at night
We are the ones who will imagine
an entire future of adventures
with the people who show us love
We are the ones who will love you more
than we love ourselves
We will give you our strongest parts
in hopes that we can make things better
We desire to see you become the best you
to make sure that you always feel our love
We crave affection and appreciation
We give a piece of ourselves away every day
sometimes to people who don't deserve it
Our love is easy to take advantage of
and sometimes we don't get back
the love that we give away
When we hurt, we crumble and fall apart
We constantly have to put ourselves back together
We are more fragile than we like to give off
We carry our emotions on our sleeves
Our flaws have the ability to consume us
We aren't afraid to give you the world
but we are afraid to feel unloved
We want you to see what we see
We want you to understand where we're coming from
We are good people with good intentions
We are stronger than we believe
Not everyone can feel the way we feel
We feel too much, too often
We are not hard to love
We are something not everyone knows how to love
But you need to remember that
your worth does not change just because
no one is there to appreciate you, to remind you
You are not any less lovable
You are the most lovable person in the world
You are a light that the world needs
Your kindness is not your weakness
You do not need to change for anyone's acceptance
You do not need to stop giving love
just because you don't get any back
Your heart is the best thing about you
And one day when you least expect it
someone will notice you from across the room
and know exactly how to love you
They will think all of these things are beautiful
They will deserve the love you can give
They will fill the empty space in your heart
But for now, don't stop feeling
We are the ones who feel everything so deeply
We are the ones who can't give up because
We are the ones who will teach the world
how to love
Aug 19, 2021
Aug 19, 2021 at 2:30 PM UTC
We are to burn in hell
My love,
It has been our time,
far to long
for ones like us.
We tried my dear,
I've prayed to the gods of the dark,
My mother bode us well,
But we had been left alone
Once again.
The ocean can drown us whole,
And sting our hearts dry.
But I will never part from you my dear.
I've planned our goodbyes and adieus
From this life.
And I swear by the salt in the sea,
And the blood coursing through my body,
I will love you,
Wholly and fully
Forevermore.
We watch our beings, now,
Bring it between you palms
Watch it crumble down into nothingness
And feel the air dissipate.
So, lets light ourselves on fire, shall we?
~Fin.
Feb 22, 2021
Feb 22, 2021 at 1:37 PM UTC
I.
I know my time
Is well overdue,
But let me reach
The bespoken waves
Of the starless sea of dreams
Before time has gotten its way.
II.
I wish my world could be remade
Or saved
By the dreamers,
But I have given too much,
And flown the past the dust ,
Once too many.
So now I say,
Let the wisps of dreaming lights fall down,
And have the ashes fly up to the stars.
~Fin.
Nov 2, 2020
Nov 2, 2020 at 3:56 PM UTC
I want to feel the universe exhale around me
Leaving the feelings of it all
But alas, no prevail.
And the ink dripped
Round and round
Wrapping tightly
Around my mind.
I fought,
Tirelessly,
Beating and hitting,
Till my last breath.
I've done this for too long,
Too much and too long.
I didn't want anymore,
So I let it take over.
Fitting me into a spot
I was gone,
Only a shell left to see.
~Fin.
Sep 5, 2020
Sep 5, 2020 at 9:42 PM UTC
I.
I've bled
Till my veins run dry
My bones
Are shattered and broken
Withering
II.
The ink
From my pen drags,
Then pools and
Blots the page
As I let it
Fall
III.
All my energy
Siphoned from memories,
Has now diminished
I take my last breath
As I allow
My small boat
To be pitched across
By the winds and waves
~Fin.
Aug 7, 2020
Aug 7, 2020 at 10:16 AM UTC
Remember the days of soft melodies
Of the dreams we once had
The adventures we've been on
Those sweet memories
Of the scent of books
Your vast walls of quests
The ink of time etched onto my mind
How one can slip into the
Never ending nooks
Of the universe
And cosmos
There's a place for you and i
In the stars
Where we can imagine a
Whole universe
For our own
We are the progeny of stars
Children of the mind
Of the universe
Where we can run
To all corners of the world
And live
We can find
So many of our memories
Put together by an orchestration
Of the universe
Do you remember those times?
Where we could dream away of time?
Those wonders of the skies
We live to exist
In this beautiful world
To be happy in these moments
When i remember
I feel as if
I'm in a place
Farther than the moment
Dwell on the beauty of life
And remember, you can live
For the moments where
You are the stars and the moon
And all of the world
Do you remember?
Those nights of dreaming away our time
Of the adventures
And never ending happiness
It meant the world
So please
Remember to not forget
The reason to exist
Remember to not forget
The memories of time
Remember to not forget
Why we are here
So we can live
So remember to not forget
That
I love you
~Fin.
May 2, 2020
May 2, 2020 at 1:40 PM UTC
I just have to
Flip a new page
I just have to
Walk through
I just have to
Teach myself how
To breathe again
~Fin.
Mar 23, 2020
Mar 23, 2020 at 4:59 PM UTC
I dreamt a little dream
Of Aurora skies
And healing suns
All in world
A tree
With all of time
Sunk in its leaves
Memories in its roots
Stories carved into its skin
Then as I walked
And as I touched,
Time spun
And spun around
And there was no way
To go back down
Trapped
In this forest
Hollow of time
These shallow seams
Cracking into dust
Surrounding me
Am I forever here
In this dark haze
Of never ending memories?
How do you
Find the lock and key
To shut away
These little dreams?
Please, I beg you,
Don't dream little dreams,
It will turn you
In the dark.
~Fin.
Mar 6, 2020
Mar 6, 2020 at 11:05 PM UTC
What if I feel like I'm falling
Into a pit of everlasting dark
There's nothings to light the way
What if my wings are clipped
And the now dead stars are blown out
What if I can't fly up
I want to go back
~Fin.
Mar 6, 2020
Mar 6, 2020 at 5:36 PM UTC