My words are never complete,
poems always half finished.
I’ve deleted more then I’ve saved.
When I post my poems they’re never quite finished.
My mind is a mess,
My hopes never realized.
My dreams left unaccomplished.
When I speak to you my words are always half hearted and half complete.
Jun 2, 2019
Jun 2, 2019 at 6:36 AM UTC
I gave birth to you in the darkest times, nurtured you in the depth of my broken heart.
You’re the depression I created.
the Pain I can’t run away from.
When i thought I was free, you were hiding behind a blinding veil of love.
Killing me with kindness
breaking me while whispering sweet nothings in my ear.
When I’m surrounded by love you make me feel alone.
When there’s Hope you make me see only the darkness that follows the light.
You make me see the shackles on my feet and not the ones in my mind.
You keep me a shallow husk of the man I could have been.
You let me fight just so I can see how hopeless i have become .
May 21, 2019
May 21, 2019 at 9:52 AM UTC
The life we made fell apart as you left me strandad on an island for two
I grew cold and built a pyre and on it i set a fire
I burnt all that we had created.
I burnt the songs created with love, drowned the poems I'd written in pain.
I had forgotten that they were not just words that we had written; they were worlds that we created.
I watched as my word drowned in a see of darkness. As yours burned an ever dwindling flame.
I watched as the world around me crumble as our poems are lost forever .
I’m a broken man in a broken world.
A world that we had created, that i have broken.
May 19, 2019
May 19, 2019 at 12:06 AM UTC
I remember sitting with my legs crossed
at an empty parking lot with you.
Burning our lungs,
sharing our deepest secrets at 3am
while I rest my head
on your shoulder that cold summer night.
I sang along our favorite songs
and you wished that time stopped
so we could still be together.
But alas,
You are still too damaged.
You think too much.
You are too practical.
You are not yet ready for anything.
And I’m left confused
and angry
and frustrated
and a little bit hurt, I guess.
So here we are again,
so here we go again.
Who would have thought
that we would actually
burn even faster
than our cigarettes?
— apbq
Jul 29, 2017
Jul 29, 2017 at 10:32 PM UTC
I have lived with a singular problem
for 5 years it has remained, at times I believe it to be gone
so used to the life I lead and the way I feel that this has become the norm.
my issue is self created and self sustained,
depression I caused and depression I cannot shake.
For a while it was gone the problems I had caused came to an end, I fixed the one I had broken and in doing so fixed myself.
But all must end and we both broke again with only myself to blame.
This depression is a problem ill never be free of, this seems to be it for me. The repressed nature I have fallen back into is tearing away at who I am. a shadow, a empty husk of a man . unreachable too all but one too all but you, but your far out of reach far away from me. I try my hardest to tear down this prison I am in afraid it will all be in vein. I sink into my depression that I have fought for years past afraid soon it'll be the end
Jun 6, 2017
Jun 6, 2017 at 9:21 AM UTC
Hearing her
voice, I realised
it was the last time
I was going to
hear it. My ears
heard the screams
of her rage being
converted into
sound and I felt
like I will go deaf.
Instead I went
numb, looked
back at the past
and her screams
slowly faded.
Jun 5, 2017
Jun 5, 2017 at 10:17 AM UTC
in my dreams i see you sometimes
i am next to you and your eyes
are not sad
they just smile the way i saw them smiling
only a few times
when i look in the mirror
i hear your voice saying there was beauty in my
smile and in my big blue eyes
i was a little girl then
and many years have gone
and you have gone with them
but
i still remember your hugs
though it feels like decades since i was last in your arms
and your voice still echoes in my brain
i remember the last time we spoke you told me
to not cry,
to be strong
and i am trying to be.
i am.
i pretend that i am.
i see you in my dreams sometimes
and i am again a 6 years old little girl
running to you
when you open the front door
and waking up realising
i will see your face no more
it's the most painful story
and i cry sometimes
but you are not here
to open any door
and i am not 6 years old any more
and there's no beauty
in my big blue crying eyes.
you left and took away your voice,
your dancing,
your bright face
your warm arms
and your kind eyes,
i am left only with a picture
i keep inside a box
behind the front door of my heart
and i want to go back,
to be your little girl again
and i know i'll never get to tell you
that I don't want to pretend any more
and I want you to tell me
that it's okay if i am not always strong
that it's okay to cry.
in many lines i have tried to write you
but i always do it the wrong way
and it seems impossible to describe
how much i miss you
and i need you
and
how much
i love you.
Mar 24, 2016
Mar 24, 2016 at 6:51 AM UTC
*I don't want to live
'Cause I'll only remember
Memories...
Which I want to forget
Memories...
Which before
Could keep me happy
On a bad day
Now only hurts
And reminds me
That feelings are a burden
But luckily for me
I can no longer
Feel anything...
What before was worry
Have now become stress
I'm all broken down
Not getting any rest
My dreams are affected
By the memories
So that even the sweetest dream
Suddenly turns into
A nightmare...
I want to delete
All these memories
I want to go back
Before they were made
I want to prevent them from
Ever being created
I'll start with the earliest
Memory...
It all began
With a pack of my favorite chips
And a,
Back then,
Unknown person...*
Mar 22, 2016
Mar 22, 2016 at 7:34 PM UTC
*I'm giving up on Love
I don't want it anymore
Don't want to hurt
and don't want to be jealous
Don't want to cry
and don't want to be nervous
I hate the fact that I smile
When his face shows up in my mind
Hate the fact that I
Always recognizes his voice
No matter where I am
I'm stalked by the feeling
That's slowly choking me
I wish that Love
would just let me be...*
Mar 22, 2016
Mar 22, 2016 at 7:31 PM UTC
I don't really know what you think insanity is. when you think insanity do you think of mass murders and people who see things where you do not ?
I see myself. I see my own mind and how scared of it I am .my own mind which was once my escape is now my biggest fear, I look inside and I am forced out.
My own mind is forcing me out is this insanity or is this normal.
Am I becoming just another blissfully ignorant fool incapable of depth .
Mar 14, 2016
Mar 14, 2016 at 9:08 PM UTC