I know that I don’t matter,
Live life like I’m unfazed,
I hear the constant chatter,
Echoing and I am crazed,
Invisibility has been my shelter,
But now it pulls me away,
These feelings begin to swelter,
This time I wanted to stay.
Jan 29, 2020
Jan 29, 2020 at 6:51 PM UTC
On nights like these,
You make me fall to the floor,
Dragging my body,
Just to get to the door,
You hover above me,
I don’t know what to do,
You gaze into my eyes,
And I feel anew,
You intrigue me,
With your tender ways,
I hope that finally,
This is how everything stays,
But here I am,
Crumpled on the rug,
My body unmoving,
The feeling hit me like a drug,
I showed you the pieces,
I was afraid to show before,
You opened me up,
Then you locked the door,
My nails worn down,
From clawing at the wood,
I never meant to be this way,
I wish you understood,
My love for you,
Is a sinking hook,
Lost in the ocean,
And you will never look.
Feb 22, 2019
Feb 22, 2019 at 12:15 AM UTC
I feel a unique sensation,
When the first hello,
Feels like the thousandth time,
How I look into someone’s eyes,
And know they’re meant to be mine,
Maybe as a friend,
Or a lover,
But I can tell,
By the way their eyes hover,
Closing in on me,
Ready for me to discover,
The life I knew before,
Has become a closed door,
Your hand in mine,
Feels like it never left,
My heart is filled with unrest,
Until we meet again,
And you realize,
That I’ve always,
Known you.
Feb 11, 2019
Feb 11, 2019 at 2:02 AM UTC
How can you do this to me,
I’ve spent years waiting,
aching,
Disintegrating from the inside,
I compare everyone to you,
The way your touch,
Soothed the pain,
Throughout my body,
Wrapping your arms around me,
And holding me,
Like I would fly away,
If you loosened your grip,
Even slightly,
And now I beg you to see me,
When you used to say,
That you would never leave me,
I don’t know what to do,
I hold on so tightly,
To you,
But you don’t know what you want,
And I’m waiting for months on end,
Just to see your face again,
And every body I touched,
Meant nothing to me,
And you’ve moved,
On, and on, and on, and on,
While I dread the thought,
Of ever loving someone else,
It makes the world around me quake,
But I’m in so much pain,
And I think I have to acknowledge,
That I’m waiting in vain,
Four years,
Of not letting go,
It’s time to,
Finally,
Let myself grow.
Jan 17, 2019
Jan 17, 2019 at 3:22 PM UTC
I feel my body jolting,
I can't get away,
I'm locked in my bed,
Depression,
Eating me away,
Part of me feels everything,
and the other part,
Stops me,
Frozen in place,
What do I do,
I need to go,
But I can't,
*******
Move.
Dec 27, 2018
Dec 27, 2018 at 6:27 PM UTC
Sometimes,
I spend entire days,
Wondering why,
I can’t retreat,
Into the dark night,
Leaving the pain,
Of the physical plane,
And losing,
This sense of,
Fear.
Other days,
I see the beauty,
In the sky,
And I don’t,
Have to find,
A reason why,
I want to,
Survive.
Dec 19, 2018
Dec 19, 2018 at 1:00 AM UTC
I miss the way,
Your arms,
Wrapped around me,
When our fingers laced,
And I could tell,
You were nervous,
By the way,
Our hands started,
To stick together,
I miss your heartbeat,
Accelerating,
Every beat,
Pressed into my skin,
Those were,
The only moments
I ever felt safe.
Dec 3, 2018
Dec 3, 2018 at 1:16 AM UTC
I know that you feel the weight of it,
You say it doesn’t hurt anymore,
But you’re afraid of it,
To get too close,
To feel the way,
I made you ache before.
I know why you wouldn’t see me.
Nov 26, 2018
Nov 26, 2018 at 10:58 AM UTC
She wants me to want her,
But she won’t have me now,
She doesn’t know what she wants,
So she keeps me around,
I know that I want her,
But having her scares me too,
I think about what I’m doing,
And it makes me feel sick,
But I can’t stop myself,
From falling harder and harder,
For the girl who plays with my head,
Who says she wants someone else,
But when I leave her alone,
She needs to be reassured,
That I’m still there,
I try to resist,
But I’ll always be there.
Nov 19, 2018
Nov 19, 2018 at 11:22 PM UTC
I always waste time,
Thinking about what I could have said,
You never look back,
You said what you would have said,
I don’t know why I regret it so much,
The remorse in my eyes,
Says more about how I feel,
Than the words stumbling out of my mouth,
This nagging feeling of inconveniencing you,
Obscures the actions I make,
I feel so lost in the wake of this moment,
It’s as if I had been brought back into a dream,
Turned into the nightmare I felt before,
And I’m wondering if this time,
I’ll end up falling through the never ending floor,
Because I came back to you,
In a state of pure vulnerability,
And this time you truly rejected me.
Sep 10, 2018
Sep 10, 2018 at 11:52 PM UTC