Last year built me up, then broke me down
Many times I wondered if I would make it.
I tried desperately to survive
Making friends with the blood pooled on my body, telling it all my darkest secrets.
I found love in the drugs that promised to take my pain away.
I’ve never been as lost as I was last year
But last year is gone now.
It’s a new year
Time for a new mentality
Time to find out who I am now that I’ve weathered the storm.
Jan 13, 2019
Jan 13, 2019 at 10:27 PM UTC
What a high
When you’re flying with your friends through the sky
What a low
When you open your eyes and you’re alone
Nov 30, 2018
Nov 30, 2018 at 9:03 AM UTC
Endless daydreams
Of flying through the sky;
An incessant need
To get lost in the clouds;
A deep rooted desire to see
How beautiful she could be
If she set herself free.
Nov 23, 2018
Nov 23, 2018 at 3:13 PM UTC
Insecurity, anxiety, depression, loneliness.
They linked together, built a cage and trapped me inside.
I pound at the bars,
Shouting for help.
Just when I’m ready to give up
The door breaks open.
“I’m free,
I’m really free!”
I shout as I run for the trees.
Tears running down my face,
Hope bubbling in my chest,
Could this really be it?
Could I be stronger than them?
The sunlight stings my eyes.
I’m running so fast,
My muscles are on fire.
I pause for a moment to catch my breath.
The sadistic laughter echoes all around me.
My heart drops into my stomach.
I’m not free,
It was just a dream.
The monsters with their twisting smiles,
Laugh at my pain
And place another lock on my cage.
Nov 22, 2018
Nov 22, 2018 at 11:22 AM UTC
I haven’t written in several days
Not because I’ve been better
But because I’ve been gone,
Lost in the bottle
That keeps me numb.
I like it here
But I’m scared.
I haven’t had the words to say
That get me through the bad days
Because when I lose myself
I lose them too.
Nov 19, 2018
Nov 19, 2018 at 2:31 PM UTC
I hear the darkness screaming my name.
I’ve been having some good days,
But it won’t let me get away,
Not that easily.
It stalks me down the street;
Hunting my joy,
Trying to scare it away.
It digs its claws into my legs,
And begs me to stay.
It howls and yelps,
Whimpering that it misses how we used to play.
The scary part is
I think I sometimes miss it too
Nov 19, 2018
Nov 19, 2018 at 1:54 PM UTC
A million different voices,
Ringing in my head,
Filling me with dread,
Telling me I’ll never be enough,
That I should just shut up.
It takes control of my body,
Gripping my throat until it’s hard to breath,
Making my voice shake until I can barely speak.
I feel the bubble forming in my chest.
I know what this is
And I want to cry.
Here it comes again,
My most cruel friend,
That I fear I will take with me to the end.
Nov 16, 2018
Nov 16, 2018 at 11:14 AM UTC
I hear the cruel chorus of voices in my head
Begin to quiet;
The fist of anxiety that’s squeezing my lungs
Loosens its grip,
Letting me breath for a moment.
The soft voice like an angel
Whispers in my ear,
Telling me everything I’ve longed to hear.
I finally found my happy place;
Away from the screaming,
Now I’m just dreaming.
I wake up,
And everything I once held dear is gone.
The crushing feeling sinks in
As I realize it was just another demon,
Feeding on my misery and doubt;
But it’s too late now,
‘Cause by the time I figured it out,
It has become something I can’t live without.
Nov 15, 2018
Nov 15, 2018 at 4:06 PM UTC
I’m standing on the edge of a cliff
I think I always knew I would end up here
With feet bare;
Dress ripped and sleeves stained red,
The wind blowing through my hair
And across my face;
I have a decision to make.
Will I plummet to my death
Or fly to whatever is next?
I look out at the horizon
With tears in my eyes;
The past flashing through my mind,
One last time
As I watch the sun rise.
I take one last breath,
Prepare to leap,
And pray for the best.
Nov 14, 2018
Nov 14, 2018 at 11:17 AM UTC