Eldritch_Cutie - Hello Poetry

I've had this sharp piece of bark between my throat the back side and the front. It would close my throat if I sang. I had to sing. I would feel my throat closing feel it hurt make myself believe that it would be fine. I had to be fine. I wonder how people yell do their throats not close up? I hear my mom yelling over the phone a different kind of sickness. She's unhappy with a life she is not living. She's living here. With me. But her rage shot through continents found it's way back where her mind lives. That's a sickness. Your mind and body being in different places. Sickness is living here. I can't tell her about how my throat closes how loudness isn't possible for me. For I must have swallowed every tooth pick to feel the abrasions in my throat. I swallowed every toothpick. I let myself swallow further. Let that bark fall farther in to my stomach. Wake at night when it hurts, when it begs to wake. Let myself be hurt. I don't tell her how I close. I close my eyes. I dream that I am living elsewhere. I am sick. My mind is living where my body is not. I am dreaming of a world where I can be sick.

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Sep 11, 2023

Sep 11, 2023 at 9:34 AM UTC

Eldritch_Cutie

Sickness

I've had this sharp piece of bark between my throat the back side and the front. It would close my throat if I sang. I had to sing. I would feel my throat closing feel it hurt make myself believe that it would be fine. I had to be fine. I wonder how people yell do their throats not close up? I hear my mom yelling over the phone a different kind of sickness. She's unhappy with a life she is not living. She's living here. With me. But her rage shot through continents found it's way back where her mind lives. That's a sickness. Your mind and body being in different places. Sickness is living here. I can't tell her about how my throat closes how loudness isn't possible for me. For I must have swallowed every tooth pick to feel the abrasions in my throat. I swallowed every toothpick. I let myself swallow further. Let that bark fall farther in to my stomach. Wake at night when it hurts, when it begs to wake. Let myself be hurt. I don't tell her how I close. I close my eyes. I dream that I am living elsewhere. I am sick. My mind is living where my body is not. I am dreaming of a world where I can be sick.

47

Dried sands of the usual Lay endless across the horizon With simple coarseness And familiarity This is the life I understand From the thirst To the hunger From the burning heat This pain was home And there stands a place that is much more colorful And what may be a mirage Of a mind that craves escape From a dull and painful trek Felt more and more real But why am I so uneasy To drink from the water of the oasis Is it that I fear that it is poison Or is it that I fear it isn't That the soothing Cutting taste of something better Might make me unhappy With what my life has become

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Mar 11, 2020

Mar 11, 2020 at 4:18 PM UTC

Eldritch_Cutie

The oasis

Dried sands of the usual Lay endless across the horizon With simple coarseness And familiarity This is the life I understand From the thirst To the hunger From the burning heat This pain was home And there stands a place that is much more colorful And what may be a mirage Of a mind that craves escape From a dull and painful trek Felt more and more real But why am I so uneasy To drink from the water of the oasis Is it that I fear that it is poison Or is it that I fear it isn't That the soothing Cutting taste of something better Might make me unhappy With what my life has become

22

Hot breath Boulder swallowed to the center of my chest Hands tied to the route past the river of styx Tongue torn tossed Eyes darting almost lost But able to see the molten Asylum made just for me The notetakers of my fate Did more than just write notes atop My shoulders God's servants hands look more like man's Pressing against this sinners throat Bubbling hot tempers for angels Telling me hell came early

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Mar 4, 2020

Mar 4, 2020 at 7:35 AM UTC

Eldritch_Cutie

Hell came early

Hot breath Boulder swallowed to the center of my chest Hands tied to the route past the river of styx Tongue torn tossed Eyes darting almost lost But able to see the molten Asylum made just for me The notetakers of my fate Did more than just write notes atop My shoulders God's servants hands look more like man's Pressing against this sinners throat Bubbling hot tempers for angels Telling me hell came early

14

From the overcrowded train cars To the indifferent desperate distant eyes Of every passerby Cars bustling by the street corners With nowhere to park New York is not the place For one to sit down And just take in a view And in this way All things become fluid They come in to our lives And swiftly pass by And if we get lucky We can fix what has been broken Or be another passing Distant Indifferent Face Waiting for their time to go And leave New York City

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Feb 24, 2020

Feb 24, 2020 at 4:11 PM UTC

Eldritch_Cutie

This is New York City

From the overcrowded train cars To the indifferent desperate distant eyes Of every passerby Cars bustling by the street corners With nowhere to park New York is not the place For one to sit down And just take in a view And in this way All things become fluid They come in to our lives And swiftly pass by And if we get lucky We can fix what has been broken Or be another passing Distant Indifferent Face Waiting for their time to go And leave New York City

20

When it comes time to say goodbye For the first and last time today After lovely conversation And joyful teasing I am able to think Excitedly And say happily See you tommorow I will slowly unplug The headphones I used to make you feel so close to me And the microphone I used to Give all of my self to you This evening The computer light fading Like the presence of company Reminding me of the lonely walks home When friends of mine Past the most happy occasions Would split like branches on a tree Walking several different paths Home to their families And I would begin to notice the weight of my bag Close to the weight on my chest Of just saying goodbye Not knowing if we would ever Have the chance again I walked back home While the sun began to set And that excited see you tommorow Feels so meloncholy As the cold bitterness Of my room and family Replaced what warmth I had With you next to me When no ones there to look at me I count the hours Till tommorow arrives

0

Feb 24, 2020

Feb 24, 2020 at 5:18 AM UTC

Eldritch_Cutie

When no ones there to look at me

When it comes time to say goodbye For the first and last time today After lovely conversation And joyful teasing I am able to think Excitedly And say happily See you tommorow I will slowly unplug The headphones I used to make you feel so close to me And the microphone I used to Give all of my self to you This evening The computer light fading Like the presence of company Reminding me of the lonely walks home When friends of mine Past the most happy occasions Would split like branches on a tree Walking several different paths Home to their families And I would begin to notice the weight of my bag Close to the weight on my chest Of just saying goodbye Not knowing if we would ever Have the chance again I walked back home While the sun began to set And that excited see you tommorow Feels so meloncholy As the cold bitterness Of my room and family Replaced what warmth I had With you next to me When no ones there to look at me I count the hours Till tommorow arrives

38

I want to melt I want to dissolve Pour myself into the ground And let something better grow Where I once would've stood I want to escape And scatter each bit of memory Become one with the stardust That had built me At least then I would be again a star

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Feb 23, 2020

Feb 23, 2020 at 8:18 PM UTC

Eldritch_Cutie

Reforge me

I want to melt I want to dissolve Pour myself into the ground And let something better grow Where I once would've stood I want to escape And scatter each bit of memory Become one with the stardust That had built me At least then I would be again a star

10

What does it mean to have a butterfly Fluttering in your chest I am scared of the things That you might say to me If I let the letters of my Heartbeat Speak to you More clearly I've enjoyed the time I've spent with you And this weight in my chest Is the fear That I will tug too hard At the string that binds us close

0

Feb 23, 2020

Feb 23, 2020 at 7:52 PM UTC

Eldritch_Cutie

To tug on a string

What does it mean to have a butterfly Fluttering in your chest I am scared of the things That you might say to me If I let the letters of my Heartbeat Speak to you More clearly I've enjoyed the time I've spent with you And this weight in my chest Is the fear That I will tug too hard At the string that binds us close

13