Self hatred was an on going battle for me.
It's been years and I'm still affected.
I tried so hard to love myself and at times I did.
I felt beautiful,
worth it,
I felt like me.
Which is weird because I didn't even know who "Me" was.
It never lasted
Time flew by and in a matter of seconds, I was fighting again.
Yelling, lashing, trying to eliminate the monster that lived inside of me.
That part of me that made me believe I was ugly
that I'm not gonna go anywhere, that I'm not worth anything,
It wasted so much of my life.
I spent so much time fighting that I was losing myself again and it scared me.
I couldn't find my way out of that maze I use to know like the back of my hand.
I did it a thousand times so why couldn't I then.
It's not that difficult and I understand that now but my brain had been so drained that I couldn't seem to follow the simplest tasks.
That Self-hatred came from society telling us how to live..
I was told how to live for so long,
Look like him,
Have grades like her,
Do this,
Do that.
It was only a matter of time till I broke and I wasn't gonna let that happen again.
Society told me how to live for so long that I finally decided to die.
I stopped fighting and when I did, I wasn't the one who died, the monster inside of me was.
Some see it as suicide but I see it as self saving.
How can you say you're living when you aren't even being you.
How can you live your life guided by guideline made from people that don't see imperfections.
Tell me that.
Do you even know?
I just hope you know that
It's okay to not be slim
It's okay not to have curves
It's okay to feel different
It's okay to want to die, I've felt that way many times, I'm pretty sure in the hell hold, we all have.
But I chose to live and you should too.
No, you need to!
Because I'm not ready to see you on the news tomorrow.
Stop letting others thoughts kidnap yours.
People behind computers are not our gods and until they can prove us that they're, I'm gonna live my life doing the things I love and you should too.
Live your life the way you want to, because you only get one.
Stop fighting and find yourself because once you do, it'll make everything worth it.
Just remember in this context.
It's not suicide, it's self saving.
Apr 9, 2016
Apr 9, 2016 at 9:39 AM UTC
In a cage locked up
My soul cried out in scorch crup
Imagine the dangers of living without God
Penitentiary enclaved
Money, love couldn't hold me back being enslaved
Ambivalent feelings crossed my next step
I toiled round this invincible cage ill my bones munched death
The thought of death quaked my heart
Stars turned to galaxy of fear
Then God spoke to me outloud
Ain't no cage son; but your hatred, selfishness, anger and resentment for people
My mind coined in perspicuous bitterness
God's mercy broke this cage
And I came out unbelievably highspirited
Apr 9, 2016
Apr 9, 2016 at 9:35 AM UTC
hip hop analogy
Contrary to scientific fiction
I spurned up amongst beast and colossal dysfunction
I breath the letters of an ancient god
Soar on his feathers
I continuously darned biological petters
I am hip hop
The hop of black; black magic, black myth, black revolution & black freet
If you ever need hip hop, get on your feet!
I let its magical combustion inflame the earth
Hip hop like a cultre for the dead
Dead to evil, dead predators & medieval
Hip hop on my chest like unfeed hunger
The hunger from Congo
And the turbulence from river limpopo
Show your hands if you believe in hip hop in total
Apr 8, 2016
Apr 8, 2016 at 3:08 PM UTC
Title: The underground (about Hip hop)
Gaze on face on
Underground lives on...
Mic like fire flames I spit on...
I possess and embody the powers that lies spiritually and its so real
Habitually I used to write about candy and liquor. But now I write how candid and equal
I stay up all night to perfect my rhymes, dialect the words and discard all primes
I've never been known- no one like... Oh he's nice or he's got skills
Before the days of rhyming and sleep pills
Mic ********** the nucleus of knowledge I pass on. Amidst evil I strive on
Assuage every lyrical latent I was born to spit flames with hypothetical cadence
I am the light that shines from the dregs
I am he with the strength of helium mixed with sweat
Apr 8, 2016
Apr 8, 2016 at 6:39 AM UTC
Gaze on face on
Underground lives on...
Mic like fire flames I spit on...
I possess and embody the powers that lies spiritually and its so real
Habitually I used to write about candy and liquor. But now I write how candid and equal
I stay up all night to perfect my rhymes, dialect the words and discard all primes
I've never been known- no one like... Oh he's nice or he's got skills
Before the days of rhyming and sleep pills
Mic ********** the nucleus of knowledge I pass on. Amidst evil I strive on
Assuage every lyrical latent I was born to spit flames with hypothetical cadence
I am the light that shines from the dregs
I am he with the strength of helium mixed with sweat
Apr 8, 2016
Apr 8, 2016 at 6:23 AM UTC