A heavy sun split a silver shadow path in the ripples of the river.
It was a coy finger teasing around a bedroom door I'd thought I’d closed.
Its’ ghost followed my gaze to a stain on the bed sheets,
but my eyes were liars and they told me I saw you when I switched off my light to the world.
He was to me as cracks were to the tiles on the bathroom floor.
Broken so devastatingly into pieces that I could not be repaired;
only replaced by something new and glittering,
but resembling the shape I had left behind.
She filled the space,
abandoned on his birthday,
and she wore the shattering pressure of the weight of his love.
In moments of quiet,
he screamed in my thoughts.
Sitting in gridlock at the passenger side, imagining I hit my head so hard I obliterated the window
and my soul took flight into the milky way.
7d ago
May 27, 2026 at 3:25 PM UTC
Tell me something I don’t know,
Like how true love can melt the snow,
That’s fallen round this frozen heart of mine.
Tell me that you’ll never leave,
Or that the storm-struck, fallen trees,
Will grow again when the sun decides to shine.
Tell me lies but tell them sweet,
And whisper them close to my cheek,
That blushes when you say the things you do.
Tell me lies like it still counts,
Like this can all still be worked out,
And I’ll lie and say I only heard the truth.
7d ago
May 27, 2026 at 3:23 PM UTC
Your body is your impermanent landscape, forever changing — erupting, eroding into the sea.
And what does that place say to you?
Does it bring you a sense of calm?
Do you feel safe in your own skin?
Do you feel like you’re vibrating? Because you are — you’re constantly changing form.
And what are you becoming?
Are you a peaceful river?
Are you a volcano?
Are you a stormy sky in the black of night?
Are you everything at once?
Are you your own universe, crashing through life and colliding with other universes in a beautiful and deadly dance of stars?
What does your universe say to the universes it dances with?
Are you red and explosive?
Are you blue?
Motherhood makes that universe an ice age in a burning forest — in a 24-hour cycle, over a year, over a lifetime.
That’s how it feels for me.
And I can’t help but know that there are others who feel the same.
7d ago
May 27, 2026 at 3:23 PM UTC
I touch my face to make sure I’m
Still there
Smoke a cigarette
Drink a whiskey
Take myself home
But I can’t find peace anywhere.
In the room with you
I just want to run
It’s myself that scares me
In the room with you
I want to run
It’s my own stupid self that scares me.
I will keep swimming until my skin disintegrates
And I crumble like ground up glass on the ocean floor
Shattering with color when the sun shines though me
Shattering into smaller and smaller pieces,
more and more and more.
7d ago
May 27, 2026 at 3:22 PM UTC
And bit by aching bit
We slide back into our bodies from before
Before the tide
Before the storm
Came thundering in
Before the hot sleeplessness
Before the cold restlessness
Before the warm silk everythingness that is you.
7d ago
May 27, 2026 at 3:21 PM UTC
Who would I be without you
My self-abating goddess
Quiet sobs in the kitchen
Over undercooked stew.
Because to me you are perfect
You are spring, autumn,
Shade in the summer heat,
Winters protection.
But where were you?
Away in your mind on those sepia days,
Thoughts at the bar with him,
Lonely in the house alone.
Popped pills in the crowded basement,
Crowded with your grandmothers ghosts,
Locked in ritual self effacement,
A facade of all the things you held close.
7d ago
May 27, 2026 at 3:20 PM UTC
I melted beneath the ancient oak in the ****** of the summer,
And the million screaming silhouettes of the Devil
shivered towards me.
7d ago
May 27, 2026 at 3:20 PM UTC
It was already hot like summer in spring,
But you looked back and saw that was never the thing,
The thing that made you want to hide inside,
That made you feel you’d already died.
And gone to a heaven where she was waiting,
Cigarette in hand, standing, smiling,
A porcelain white, blood red mirage,
Your fingernails in the leather when she drove too fast.
Alone on a platform waiting for that one song,
To play in your ears on the Sony Walkman,
Waiting, always waiting, always first to be there,
Your funny ghost behind you, sweeps back your hair.
Stops you from the uncertain act,
That thing from which you can’t come back,
Don’t destroy yourself on another summers day,
My sad one, my lover, my heart, just stay.
She sells the bible from the neon cathedral for 3.99,
Spending forever pouring over box wine,
She can’t tell you how it’ll all be fine,
But always says you’ll see in time.
Lost her teeth in another haunted smile,
Fell black out sleeping on the ****** tiles,
Of the sticky, sickly bar bathroom,
Doesn’t remember how she even got home.
She wants to laugh again without feeling self conscious,
But the Smokey light from the bar is noxious,
And the money goes the way it always did,
slipping out in the night from the drawer where it hid.
7d ago
May 27, 2026 at 3:17 PM UTC
I can smell cigarettes burnt into my stinking fingers and I run those fingers through my hair which isn't there anymore.
It's white and brittle with the damage i've done.
Im white and brittle with the damage i've done.
All i want is to climb into the lake.
Alone but not.
With myself but not.
How do i ruin everything i touch.
Why am i like this.
Im an energy vampire.
I want want want.
I take take take.
You're mine mine mine.
Ive been given so many gifts and i rip open the paper with my teeth and tear out the flesh of that gift and i make it nothing i make it seem like you're nothing.
Im sick in the head.
Im a fool and a hierophant and an empress and the devil.
Im the devil.
My grandmother stopped believing in god because i'm the devil.
The cards i pull at are the fool.
The queen of pentacles.
I cant remember.
Always the devil.
Always the queen of swords.
Never the tower.
Never the tower.
May 26
May 26, 2026 at 6:53 AM UTC