In my head there are trees of fears in the forest of doubts and they’ve been there for so long that some of them have tire swings
The trees too tall and the path so thin that I get lost in the darkness of the leafy sea that I’m sinking in
I’m suddenly lost so I do what I was told and hug a tree for some reason hoping that maybe someone else is lost here too
But I’m the end I’m alone so I’ll water this tree with my tears and hope that someone will remember me when I’m gone
But a man shows up with an ax and a smile and starts hacking away at all of the branches and parts that reach
He chops and he chops and the leaves fall like a bridal veil over the rot laden floor, caressing it’s contours like a sleeping lover
Wood creaks and moans as it succumbs to the the blade, smashing its body into the ground it never wanted to meet
The molded and frayed knots that once held the swings snap and fall like a downed falcon to its final resting place
The forest is no more, only remnants of memories of what was here with leaves and wood slashed and torn and dying
I look up and can see the man with the ax and the smile as he says he’s been looking for a girl that looked like me
My hand reaches for his as I begin to cry “I was so lost” his hand grasps mine “you’re never lost, just finding a new path”
Jan 17, 2021
Jan 17, 2021 at 10:21 PM UTC
I heard a man say once, that when you meet the love of your life... time stops. For a few minutes all you can do is notice. Notice their face. The curve of their jaw, the color of their eyes, the glow of their skin, how the space around them moves. I don’t believe that most people remember that moment, how fleeting it was. It gets lost in the tormented sea of ones memories. Lost to the abyss... that is the complexity of the human mind. It’s because we don’t realize it yet that we’ve met them. And when we have that contact it can sometimes get written off. I’m sure some pursue in that instant but some move on. Now what has just happened is a tiny ember. The serendipitous spark. Each now holds a piece of that spark. But now what to do with it. Consider we let it die. We ***** out it’s short life like sea foam on the sand. That is the end of your course. A burned bridge, a missed train, a phantom kiss. It’s gone and that’s that. But imagine, one would notice what they have in their hands. One sees the feeble flame in their palm and the natural thing to be is afraid. Too afraid to put it out out of anxieties of what if. Afraid to set the world ablaze out of fear of being the only one burning. See that’s the thing.... fear. Love is a gamble. Love is faith. Love is life and love is death. But fear... fear is the great thief of life and love. Now, the two that had no reason to be founders of flame, came upon them. They refused, they had forsaken the idea. Fear of the unknown. Time passes and ****** battles were fought. Time spun madly trying to blow the flams out but they guarded them and guarded each other’s. Holding on to the aspiration, though feeble it was. In their fight against fate or destiny they amalgamated into whatever they could to avoid what they both already knew. The fall. The absolute vulnerability of falling is all consuming and inevitable. But what determines this is what is waiting to catch you at the bottom. They began to slip off the precipice’s edge to their inevitable drop. Fear and self loathing used to be their tethers cradling them like babes, but the flame grew larger and began to burn those ropes. When spinning wildly and frantically into the darkness that consumes the vulnerable, only one thing is your salvation. Each other. One looked at the other. They judged the instant and let go, allowing the flames to engulf themselves and other. The white heat burned the pain and self loathing and masochism away from them and they continued to burn together. All while weeping into each other’s arms and whispering nothings to each other. They fell and fell until they were no longer falling, but flying. The fall was the act of faith. The banishment of fear. The chains fell and rusted. Their destinies are now interwoven like poems on a page. Flame burning in their hearts to the next moment in which time will stop.
May 19, 2020
May 19, 2020 at 12:14 AM UTC
My mom sent me pictures of me. Pictures of me when I was little. Laughing at first I remembered. The times when I was young and happy. Carefree and innocent a child spinning madly in the wind with leaves dancing by my side. I was making funny faces at the camera being the goofball I was. I smiled because I knew I would always be safe and laughing. Nothing mattered but laughing.
I would imagine myself living in a castle of wonder and dreams. I would save princesses and tame dragons. I casted powerful spells that would scare demons and witches. The trees were new and the grass spoke to me. The wind sang my name and the water wrote me poems. The sun was my best friend and the moon, was my love.
But that was just a picture. A snapshot of what I used to be. I look at those worn and faded polaroids and cry because I’ve forgotten the princesses, and the dragons have gone. I forgot the spells I casted, magic wand broken and powerless. The trees rotted and died. The grass is speechless and the wind doesn’t sing. The water stands still. The Sun has moved on and the moon.... doesn’t recognize me.
I hate the girl in the picture because she is happy. Envy burns inside me like acid on silk. I want what she has. **** it all. Please come back to me. Why couldn’t she stay? Why am I left with this broken mind and broken body? The world isn’t wonderful, the sky isn’t beautiful, I can’t hear the music anymore... instead I take life “One day at a time.” Trying different meds to hope I feel something other than this belligerent urge to end it all.
I hate her but I love her. The princess trapped in the Polaroid. I weep for her for she knows not what’s coming for her. I mourn her like a fallen friend struck down too early. Beaten and used and taken advantage of. Little one, your love and kindness was too pure for this world. You smile turned down and your eyes glassed over. I wish I could save you from what’s to come. But you’re just a picture.
May 15, 2020
May 15, 2020 at 11:14 PM UTC
Why do you mock me Orion?
You with your mighty bow in the sky. You reach with power and command the night. Renowned and revered with tales and epic on high. Your belt of three a guide to the lost. And then there is me, trapped on this mortal plane with nothing but hopes and aspirations. I curse your name for I wish I could be up there. Be beside you and watch you pierce the northern star with your arrows. To dance amongst the stars in the celestial night. Amongst the zodiac to be welcomed as an equal. But alas, here I am trapped in pain and agony. Forced to wander the curse of man. Take me with you when I leave this place to your neon bands of light, flying loose into the black.
Apr 7, 2020
Apr 7, 2020 at 9:14 PM UTC
It is at my happiest that you creep in
With your sour face and gentle words
Though I pull from you in protest
You still force me to dance
Led out onto the forlorn floor
Where you put your hands on me
You grab my waist
And ****** my hand to yours
The somber music plays
And the tears dance down my face
You smile and smirk with delight
Because you love to see me cry
Each time you spin me
You remind me of what I am
Each step with yours
You tell me what I can never be
We’ve danced this dance so many times
I know the steps and the cadence
I pull and resist every time
Yet to no avail, I’m forced to step
At least the song comes to an end
We stop and you stare at me
Satisfied with my red and wet face
You smile at me that empty smile
When you are satisfied
You drop me to the floor and leave
I grip my face and dress too hard
Forced to wait for the next dance
Mar 2, 2020
Mar 2, 2020 at 11:38 PM UTC
I’m reaching and craning my neck
because I hear your voice
When in actuality it’s my own thoughts
trying to conjure you up
Summon you like an ancient spirit
to ask for strength from beyond
Asking for strength because
my own is starting to fail us
My confidence I thought was
built out of the strongest stone
Was a guise that has been
replaced with dust
Staring at opaque ceilings
because I want to receive nothing
I want to process nothing and react to nothing
Time had begun to lose
its hold on me in this capsule I live
It’s speeds up and slows down
to mock my loneliness
I am my own prison, and my thoughts
are holding me hostage
Sep 8, 2019
Sep 8, 2019 at 10:06 PM UTC
I met you in the rain on a weekend long ago. The warm droplets clouded my eyes as I gazed into yours. The water hit your hair like bits of silver. You were looking down. A faint pink light illuminated your face like an unforeseen kiss.
I met you in the rain on a weekend long ago. There was music that day and you sang along with it. I marveled at your voice, so tender and loving. It sounded like warm protective arms wrapped around me. I couldn’t resist listening when it made me feel how it did.
I met you in the rain on a weekend long ago. The rain was falling particularly hard that day. It came from all sides and tried to blind me. You unexpectedly reached for my hand and held it like it would be the last time. You smiled and touched my face. I leaned into you and we felt the rain together.
I met you in the rain on a weekend long ago. After a while of sheltering each other form the onslaught of this storm, it started to let up. The rain turned to mist. The clouds turned white. The lightning was staid. And after a while, the Earth began to sing that same song you were singing. The song was a promise, a premonition, a prophecy.
I met you in the rain on a weekend long ago...
Sep 2, 2019
Sep 2, 2019 at 6:54 PM UTC
This morning, the sun’s rays
are especially bright and beautiful
Graced by its rays,
a feeling blooms inside my chest
One I’m all to familiar with
but taken back each time I’m visited
The overwhelming feeling of need
Need to be in your comforting arms
Because, dear god, the oranges of sunrise look so beautiful cast across your face
Jan 9, 2019
Jan 9, 2019 at 7:37 AM UTC
Staring at this opaque desk
I try to draw the visage of happiness
But instead I carve into the wood
Meaningless scribbles
And empty faces
Dec 3, 2018
Dec 3, 2018 at 10:50 PM UTC
I know that there was once a time
I wrote a poem about us
I talked of alternate realities
And in you it rose a fuss
In it I spoke about our lives
Multiple and each one different
Some were happy some sad
Our story always recurrent
In the end I spoke of us
I had come to a resolve
In our story of talks and shows
Soon the times would dissolve
But as our time together has passed
Our story has evolved
Something inside me started to change
In my story you became more involved
Now in this story of talks and shows
The original plot is new
What once was an untimely end
Now begins and ends with you
So if you’ll let me I’ll write you in
In as many places as I can
I can’t lose you now you’re part of me
Our life together just began
Nov 5, 2018
Nov 5, 2018 at 5:05 PM UTC