i changed my bed sheets when you left
you got on the coach
and i went home
and changed my bed sheets
i wanted to burn them but
i loved them more than i
loved you
so i washed them
and hung them out to dry
while they dried
i watched the sky and wondered
which plane overhead
you were in by now
since then
i've been to many of the places we visited
together
places that were special to me
that i shared with you
i wish i hadn't
i wish i hadn't shared me
with you
it's hard
trying to erase you
from those places now places i love
home
so i visited them again
on my own and now
the last time i was there
i was alone
i wanted to burn them but
i loved them more than i
loved you
so i looked up at the blue sky
above my rolling yellow cornfield
and smiled that you were
so many miles away
but you still haven't let go
still watching me
while you
go **** people
husbands and their wives
laughs
i wish i didn't share my sky with you
i wish you hadn't felt my
sunshine on your face
hadn't known my love
my skin
my cornfield
my bed sheets
i miss the me that i was
before you
she's in here
somewhere
Feb 20, 2021
Feb 20, 2021 at 2:06 PM UTC
you wouldn't recognise me now
i've lost 20 pounds
cut my hair
moved out of town
tore my skin
erased you from my life
poured ashes into my heart
bleached my eyes
purged my soul
grew a beard
**** you
stop looking for me
i'm tired of hiding
Feb 18, 2021
Feb 18, 2021 at 3:41 PM UTC
it wasn't that he didn't
love (me)
he loved
(me)
but not with love
did he
love
(me)
he loved (me)
with hands
and words
loved (me) with weight
loved (me) with want
and need
with hand-me-down
pleasures
he consumed
immeasurably
(me)
despoiling
what (love)
really (is)
Feb 13, 2021
Feb 13, 2021 at 1:42 PM UTC
"You're crying again..."
"Am i?? ... sorry..."
"Stop saying sorry..."
"But i am..."
"Well don't be.. you don't need to be..... here, take this.."
"What is it?..."
"Vallium... "
"What? like .. like the Pidgeon film??"
"No you idiot that's Valliant.. this is Vallium... like the drug that stops you from shaking"
"I'm not shakein.. looks at my hands oh look.. i am, look at my hands ... ****
"i know sighs you're whole body is shaking, i might put you in the bath with the washing, half an hour and you'd have even the whites clean"
"shut up that's not... spills drink while taking a sip true.."
"really?? take your drugs you ******
"you're a terrible doctor"
"good thing i'm not a doctor then.."
smiles
...
...
"Here have a tissue..."
"What for??"
"You're crying again..."
Feb 1, 2021
Feb 1, 2021 at 2:56 AM UTC
"hay lets be in a relationship..."
"no I'm good.."
"no really, we'd be so great together.."
"I'm sure you think that, but honestly, its not something..."
"no.. no listen, I think..."
"okay but I'm.. I'm not ready... I'm trying to get myself togeth...."
"no I've got this, we will be together and I will help you..."
"what??... I can't, I'm not well enough to commit to...."
"you don't have to, I will help you..."
"I know but I'm not well, mentally... I'm not emotionally..."
"I understand you before you say anything, I will carry you, I will be your protection"
"I can't do this, its too heavy.."
"I will carry you"
"I'm scared..."
"and I will help you"
"I cant do this..."
"yes you can, I'm here for you"
"I've been through too much, I haven't healed, I need therap...."
"I will be your therapy, I understand you"
"I don't know...."
"think about it. I love you"
"I can't...."
"I have love enough for us both.."
"I don't, I'm not ready, I ..... I ...."
"I love you, you are wonderful"
"I'm not, I'm damaged, i feel broken.. inside.."
"I can fix you, help you, love you. Don't you want that?"
"...."
"......"
"I do but..."
"then lets give it a try, lets give us a try.. yes?"
"I'm not..."
"yes you are, you are ready, I love you..."
"you do?..."
and that's the story of how i became buggered past retrieval
Jan 30, 2021
Jan 30, 2021 at 5:33 AM UTC
the tide never ebbed
it just came in
and in
and
in
the seventh wave
crashed over
and the eighth
and the ninth
and the tenth
and the whole ocean
followed
flowing in behind
flooding
and
flooding
filling my bones
crashing into
my skin
for an eternity
sand and
coral
driftwood
and depths
the deepest blue
and sunken wrecks
teeming life
the spoils of war
oh such tragic loss
washed up
with
the remains of the dead
flooded
filling my lungs
with brine
with fathoms of salt
my skin
my bones
my flesh
sinking to the bottom
of the sea
until
i
just.
couldn't.
hold.
my.
breath.
Sep 7, 2020
Sep 7, 2020 at 4:58 PM UTC
forever was in your heart
as you clipped my wings
but all i could feel
was the expanse
of the sky
Aug 29, 2020
Aug 29, 2020 at 3:02 PM UTC
you hear them don't you?
when the world is quiet
when it slows just enough
that exhaustion puts you to bed
they whisper when your ears dip below the water line
you can hear their stories
babbling like drunken sailors with so much *** that it fills their livers
you see them
with your eyes closed tight
they are always there
even when you peep between your fingers
even when you glue your lashes together with silver tears
they always find you
don't they my love...
even when you are silent
and no longer breathe
and you hold your heart so tight
it stops
they want you still
they do, don't they?
and for some unfathomable reason they can't hear you whisper
no
you could scream it from the top of your lungs and they'd love you anyway
they bring gifts
such darling gifts
that weigh so much
with ribbons so pretty
and tight
oh they are so heavy
aren't they?
so heavy that your heart
cannot carry their *** filled livers and their empty stories
and their wants and their needs
and their lust and disbelieving disregard
and their selfish hearts
gifts of ruin
tied with a bow
how could you possibly
need to fly away
or else you will drown
in their guilt laden love ?...
it pushes you so far down
you cannot lift your feet
off the ground
can you my love...
you just cannot understand
why your being alive
draws them close
my love
its because to them
you are light
their way home
you are made
of a thousand sunrises
and a million dreams
you walk like an angel
in the shadows
unable to stop your pure heart
from beating
like the drum
that draws them in
like a flame
you warm their empty bones
you give yourself to them
for love
because you cannot fathom
not doing so
and they consume you child
like such ravenous beasts
and you feed them truth
and love
because you don't have
the kind of heart
that would let them starve
what inconceivable love you have
what treasures you hold
they seek you out
to fill their barren hearts
with your truth
even if it
hurts
you
and for that my love
they will chain you
to their broken hearts
and broken promises
and broken lives
and unless you fly now child
your light will slowly dim
and then forever go out
Aug 27, 2020
Aug 27, 2020 at 2:51 PM UTC
you drank from me
with crimson lips
high on my essence
devouring
gorging on the pounds of flesh
that I had paid
as you chewed both fat and sinew
gnawing your way through
to my marrow
licking your fill from my sanity
feeding gluttonously
at the banquet
of my sobriety
until my skin was paper thin
empty
void
as organza eyes
stared back at you
and wept
knowing
for it was not love
that you craved
to gorge
to fatten on
it was all that I was
that you were not
that filled you
and emptied me
Aug 26, 2020
Aug 26, 2020 at 6:00 PM UTC