You love me
Do you really?
Because to you
I'm lazy despite how much I clean
I'm a terrible mother and nothing I do will change it
Everything I do is a disappointment to you
Pretty sure you only stay because of the kids
You definitely don't find me attractive anymore
So really
You love me?
Where's the proof in that?
Aug 12, 2022
Aug 12, 2022 at 12:02 AM UTC
I am by no definition the "perfect" daughter. I'm not going to do things for you just because you want me to or think that I should, I'm not going to follow every **** word you say and think that your words are liquid gold. I am **** sure not a "perfect" mother and I already put myself down for that cause I know I could be doing better. But I had her too young, my sister had already had her first so family adoption was off the table and we all know how much I'm against abortions so I took on a role I never wanted nor was prepared for. Nothing I have ever done or will ever do will be good enough for you and I need you to accept that. I'm not this great person and mother that you want and expect me to be… I'm tired of feeling like absolute **** because you're always so disappointed in how I act or the things I do or just the person I am in general. I should feel good about being happy, not guilty. I shouldn't feel like everything little thing I do is just another major step in the wrong direction. It's my life and should have a say in how I want to live it. You say you want to help me but every chance I give you, you tell everyone around us about the things I say and that leaves very little room for trust. You already belittle me to everyone in our family and now to your boyfriend's family too and it just hurts to know that I'll never be good enough like my siblings are. Because of you, I've always felt like a giant disappointment to everyone around me so I continuously push anyone away who might care for me in the slightest of ways and that's not healthy. I make myself be alone all the time because if I were to get real friends, they'd have to meet you and leaving them alone with you for any amount of time is enough reason for anyone to quickly become my biggest enemy. I'm tired of you and everyone else expecting me to be the model child like my siblings but I'm NOT them and I **** sure never will be because I've got no one on my side. I've got you and everyone else pretending to be but I know you all know that I'm too damaged to even be anything more than the person you constantly look down on.
Jun 18, 2020
Jun 18, 2020 at 3:01 AM UTC
I just want to get better
To stop feeling this way
To feel like I'm wanted
I'm so used and discarded
My worth is something I no longer remember
And my mind is one of torment
All I want is to get better
Is that so much to ask for..?
Mar 31, 2020
Mar 31, 2020 at 10:54 PM UTC
He was here and now he's not.
I could breathe in his presence, now I'm suffocating once more.
His voice stilled the ones in my head and allowed me to rest.
I can still feel his touch on every inch of my skin, it makes me smile.
His body fit perfectly with mine and our hearts continue to beat as one.
I hate this distance between us, though it proves just how strong our love is.
Sep 29, 2019
Sep 29, 2019 at 2:28 AM UTC
Why bother continuing this fight?
Each word only buries you deeper.
The more they speak,
The more opinions become facts and facts become opinions.
Sep 8, 2019
Sep 8, 2019 at 3:11 PM UTC
My head
It feels like exploding
I'm a wide range of emotion
A roller coaster of ups, downs, and loops
Screaming in my mind
Crying for a rest
Receiving nothing
I can feel the heart beneath my chest beating
Yet I feel so dead despite the love given
When does the cycle ever end?
Jun 5, 2019
Jun 5, 2019 at 12:48 AM UTC
Voices shouting in my mind
Each one screaming "it's alright, you're fine for tonight"
The love that was promised was never felt
One lie after another, shredding me deeper
Reaching my core and breaking me down
And they all wonder why I do nothing but frown
The days pass then weeks and months
Nothing seems to get better, darkness closing
Then you came along, shattering the walls around
I smiled, I began heal
You became a shield
Protecting me from the seen and unseen
You promised love and I felt it surrounding
Finally, for once a truth that was needed
In that moment, everything would be alright
May 28, 2019
May 28, 2019 at 9:44 AM UTC
The words
They're there on the tip of my tongue
I can taste them
I hear every syllable in my mind
Yet my voice has gone
Not a single vowel can escape my lips
At least my fingers work
They can write out all the little things
They help me feel more than my heart at times
May 27, 2019
May 27, 2019 at 11:39 PM UTC
They were one in the same
Always hand in hand
Each time he spoke
She followed his command
Layed up at night
Holding each other tight
Dreaming of a future so bright
Fighting every soul saying their love wasn't quite to their expectations
Behind ones back others tell them they can do better
As they told each other face to face the words saying
This is communications
Honesty at it's finest moments
The truth behind it holds love
Shows loyalty to special someone
Hold em close to heart to cherish
Under an arm to protect
In your mind to remember every moment away is a time well missed
Hurt people they hurt people and to those they see jealous of hurt equal two hearts run a stray from the poison of the world we fall into today
Because now it seems the worlds is wickedly behind eyes deceived by what truth is lie but what's to make it so its just to believe in it
I speak the truth when I struggle with reality because it's only what one makes it out to be as I follow a love's fantasy helplessly
I see with my heart
And view with my eyes
The beauty is a wonder the way some see light and dark yet without light it's forever darkness and it takes light to cast a shadow
A star needs the dark to shine so what am I but a human with a wanderers eyes
Curious I gaze upon those I love
Will they stay or go
Who's to judge will they say the worst or show me that the words hold worth to me
They say love is priceless but show it like a weapon speared me like it's a trident
I've built my walls high like a tyrant just to hide it
May 27, 2019
May 27, 2019 at 11:14 PM UTC
I wish his words were as sincere as the words in books
I wish they had meaning to them and weren't hollow
I wish I wasn't stupid enough to keep believing him
I wish I could erase the love I have for him
I wish I wasn't so addicted to his scent, his presence
I wish I was strong enough to walk away, to let go
May 9, 2019
May 9, 2019 at 9:13 PM UTC