I am standing still as a rock curled up on the floor shaking back and forth. I am overreacting in response to your underreaction and something in my body just doesn't feel right anymore. A piece of me is angry that you dared to have this much control over me. Why were you trusted with a sword you didn't know how to use? Because these wounds are leaking blood and staining the new clothes I'm wearing for you. My underwear is covered in pictures of your favorite fruit that will never taste the same again.
I am trying to rationalize your behavior. I am making up excuse after excuse for you and I am disgusted with myself. It was you who put me in this situation and it is all your **** fault which is why I am to blame. I didn't know that nothing was strong enough to break glass, but here I am shattered after your lack of words struck me. Who do you think you are, because apparently I know nothing about you.
It was so subtle that I almost missed its hands wrapping around my throat. My face was blue by the time your rejection had sunk into my skin, pins and needles over every bit of flesh. I was changed in an instant.
You don't miss me back.
That knowledge bouncing back and forth inside of my skull on a Monday night. And maybe you were tired or maybe you were stressed or maybe you were revealing the truth to me, finally, releasing your feelings, or lack there of for the first time. Wasn't I so lucky to be there for your debut? I can feel ants crawling around on my heart and they must be hungry because they keep biting away miniscule pieces of me that I guess I didn't need.
You mean so much to me but I must be meaningless. I am breaking down and apparently you couldn't care less. You never told me you didn't love me, you never told me you didn't miss me, I had to figure that one out for myself, you never told me I was nothing, but that is how I am feeling.
And soon you will have to see my face and I will get to look upon yours and we will be together. My soul will be screaming out at you, demanding to know what changed, but my lips will not make a sound. I am silent and it has always been my greatest weakness, well, until I fell in love with you, anyway. All of this pain, yet I won't have a word to say. I am trapped here wondering what way it will go. Most of me doesn't even want to know. It's only a matter of days and even after all of this, I still manage to miss you, but
You don't miss me back.
May 23, 2017
May 23, 2017 at 8:13 PM UTC
There is so much misunderstanding. What's the cure for hatred? How do you overcome centuries of injustice to land somewhere near peace? I'm sorry, I'm sorry for the things I didn't do. But the people who did them never apologized, so I guess it's my job. I'm sorry, I'm sorry that "I'm sorry" will never be enough. What can one voice do?
In the valley, two people have been arguing since the beginning of time. Neither has had even an atom of influence upon the other's views. My anger lights fires at the tips of my fingers. My hands curl into fists to avoid burning you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry that you have burned me before.
A single tear falls into the ocean and no one will ever be able to separate them, yet no one can tell the tear is even there.
Whose side are you on, but please explain to me why there are sides. Because, my love, we are trapped with an infinite plane between us and someone left their shovel at home. I'm sorry, I'm sorry that no one is right and everything is wrong.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry that their hatred has so much power. Suddenly, I think I'm falling but I fear not for there is a net to catch me and I'm sorry, I'm sorry that others are not so lucky but there are some who never have to fall at all. I wonder what that feels like and I wonder if they're sorry too and if they'll ever apologize to you.
Jan 19, 2017
Jan 19, 2017 at 1:15 PM UTC
Lie in the grass to appreciate the clouds, notice off-color pixels in the sky, storm in the next level up so they're switching the simulation onto the backup generators and the head of operations is always complaining that
the blue takes too much energy, couldn't they just switch it, but the researchers always insist
it would be too much of a logical fallacy, the pixels are hardly noticeable, and besides, most of the test subjects hardly look up
and isn't it funny that you're just a few blocks of memory?
Oct 22, 2016
Oct 22, 2016 at 10:29 AM UTC
lists of lies told to our parents
hide the cigarettes hide the smell breathing **** rips out the window
check the hall check the smell we're doing well
you never introduce your parents to the friend that is always high
the friend that betrays the lie
by not bothering to conceal
the misery in their eyes
straight for a weekend straight for a dinner happy for a phone call
we do this to ourselves under pressures from every direction
some will decay inwards implosion
while the others will be building
swirling expanding explosion
something and nothing are in constant balance
who is responsible who are you disappointing
what is the worst thing that could happen
if you admitted you weren't doing okay
do you honestly think your parents will stop loving you
if you tell them your friends smoke ***
**** this species
Oct 22, 2016
Oct 22, 2016 at 10:06 AM UTC
**** everything.
It hasn't even happened yet,
But I'm craving some drugs-
Anything to forget.
Because you know me,
And I know me,
And I don't cope,
All that easily.
Rejection is the worst.
So find me an old hearse
Because we both know
Where I'm gonna go.
*So tonight I'll get high
For the very last time.
Tonight I'm gonna die
For the very first time.*
I might be lazy,
But I don't wanna be idle.
Days like this remind me
Of being suicidal.
That tiny voice living
At the back of my mind,
Saying it'd be better
If I wasn't alive.
You know I don't believe
But today I wanna leave
Got some pain to relieve
And maybe I'm naive
But I need to escape
Yeah, I gotta get away
And I mean, it's not like
My life matters anyway
*So tonight I'll get high
For the very last time.
Tonight I'm gonna die
For the very first time.*
And well maybe I just need a drink
If it means that I don't have to think
Anything, anything
To not hear no from you
Because chances are that's what
You're going to do.
Why the **** did I even ask?
Is there still time to take it back?
We'll pretend it never happened
And my dreams won't get flattened.
But no, that's not an option.
I'll find a new addiction.
And I guess
I'll just have to settle
Something new,
Maybe it'll be fatal.
*So tonight I'll get high
For the very last time.
Tonight I'm gonna die
For the very first time.*
Oct 15, 2016
Oct 15, 2016 at 2:02 PM UTC
I'm sorry I can't stay
But I'm getting washed away
I've been fighting for so long
And you know I'm not that strong
And we both know that it's wrong
But I just can't anymore
My tired old soul is sore
I know I'm supposed to seek help
But how'm I supposed to seek help
Just please don't cry
You couldn't have stopped this
please don't cry
you couldn't have stopped this
face it with a laugh and a grin
and please don't treat it like a sin
I was destined from the start
to completely come apart
it was unavoidable, really
you don't have to mourn me
it was written in my marrow
so please just let me go
Oct 4, 2016
Oct 4, 2016 at 4:35 PM UTC
I've got a question
a confession
I don't know where to start.
Don't get me wrong
you're in charge of my heart
but
I just
I've got these doubts you know?
I don't think you know.
Approaching an entire year
isn't that something?
I was in hell
when we discovered each other;
I slowly crawled back out
and you held my hand
the entire time.
I want to thank you
after every I love you
though we never say it
enough.
No one knows it
but I
I liked your best friend
my friend
mere months before we started.
I forgot about him
and there you were.
Lately I can't stop
thinking about
the future.
Do you ever think about
our future
Do we have a future
Will we last forever
What do you think?
Sep 28, 2016
Sep 28, 2016 at 10:24 PM UTC
Don't you ever think about timing?
Sometimes things don't work out and
sometimes broken glasses never tell you
why they run away and it just becomes
a fact of life that you'll never see another
pair of broken glasses.
I told our story to two stars so I hope
you'll get the symbolism when the
wrecking ball comes to tear them
down. I find it reassuring that we'll
never be remembered; we just
nonchalantly broke each other's
hearts.
Sep 27, 2015
Sep 27, 2015 at 4:04 PM UTC
I wonder why three years in New York City hasn't
been enough to forget about me. I picture you
drinking red wine in a purple button down alone
in your loft apartment. You were always a terrible
kisser, but your hands made up for it. Maybe
someday I'll miss you back.
Sep 27, 2015
Sep 27, 2015 at 4:00 PM UTC
Red armchair in the back
of the independent clothing
store with three of your friends
piled up in it dressed like zombies,
trying not to get the fake
blood - sweet, sticky, and the
wrong shade of red - on any
of the merchandise. You
signed your names on their
wall with the confidence that
some things last forever.
A few years later you hear that
the store closed, a little too
independent for the locals, and
you wonder if you're feeling
nostalgic or just hungry.
Sep 27, 2015
Sep 27, 2015 at 3:47 PM UTC