I feel defeated.
I feel drained.
Everything is on my mind and nothing all at once.
I ignore it all and pretend to smile.
Pretending is harder than screaming.
Farther I dive into this deep abyss.
This deep abyss of sadness and regret.
Regretting not letting go when I was told to.
But in my adolescents I was a fool.
Now I'm laying here drowning in this bed.
A bed full of heartache and tears.
I will live like this for many years.
It all hurts so bad that I'm numb.
I know you're pricking me but I feel nothing.
All I want is to release it all.
To scream my mind.
But I'm not in that place.
So I'll sit here in this drowning bed.
Allowing my thoughts to actively swallow me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll change,
But today I want to stay this way.
Nov 30, 2018
Nov 30, 2018 at 4:26 PM UTC
I feel nothing.
Like a blank page.
Locked inside of a cage.
I can't figure out my life's destination.
I'm losing all concentration
My dreams are green of envy.
My thoughts aren't pure.
My rage is heavy.
I have no clear path.
No pavement before me.
I am standing here feelings God's wrath.
Singled out in a clearing.
Whispering curses that only the trees are hearing.
Scared to take a step.
Always fearing when God will strike next.
He laughs at my pain.
Pinning me to the ground in this chain.
I hate being locked in this cage.
Jul 23, 2018
Jul 23, 2018 at 7:07 PM UTC
You are the song stuck in my head.
An unchanging tune where my heart is led.
you are the first break of day.
The light that shines through my sky claiming it's place.
You are the moon that controls my ever moving tides.
I love you like rain kissing roses collide.
I am slowly fading into you,
Becoming lost in your soul.
Becoming lost in YOU.
I no longer see where you stop and I began.
Everyone says I am a mad man,
But being with you is climbing a mountain that seems like a hill.
I am apart of you still.
Breathing the intoxicating succulent nectar.
You alone are my devoted protector.
Jul 12, 2018
Jul 12, 2018 at 10:33 PM UTC
A million words left unsaid.
A million thoughts piling in my head.
My tongue is weak.
From Lack of communication I truly seek.
Instead I just lay in my bed.
Thinking of different ways I can pound in my head.
Hoping my mind will stop racing,
But there's no one here to interrupt my pacing.
Back and forth, back and forth.
How much am I truly worth?
Never changing towards a different direction.
If only someone could show me a little affection.
Everyone's busy.
No one is around.
That's when I think the worst.
When will someone lift me from this curse?
I'm sitting next to you.
Can you see me?
You ignore me as if you can't even hear me.
I could hold my breath and you still wouldn't notice.
A limp body laying next to you
And you still could care less.
I'm not one to judge you,
But you could act like you give a ****
Mar 21, 2018
Mar 21, 2018 at 5:04 PM UTC
I have an addiction.
I can't survive without it.
Like a drug that makes my head light.
Like a drink that will never quench my thirst.
I've been living with this curse.
My addiction is hard to cope with.
Taking over my body.
Taking over my mind.
My heart just keeps pounding
Slowing it down may **** me.
Only you hold the key.
My addiction has a name.
Nothing that rhymes with seth.
My addiction is you.
My love I have for you is true.
I wake up and I crave a sip of your youth.
I know you are trying to save me,
But I'm lost and you can't set me free.
You are my addiction.
I'm high on loving you.
Please Don't tell me when my addiction is through.
Mar 21, 2018
Mar 21, 2018 at 3:59 PM UTC
Raindrops fell from the sky.
I tried to look away,
But my eyes I could not pry.
Staring down the clouds.
I watch a hand reach out.
Fear had struck me.
I stood still in my place.
Disbelief clearly on my face.
Not a single soul was around to see.
I tried to speak out.
But the God's ignored me.
For I am one being,
And a god is many.
Gold raindrops covered the streets.
I heard a loud cry.
That's when I realized.
These were not raindrops but tears.
They continued to fall from the sky.
A voice boomed with a defying sigh.
I couldn't imagine a god cry.
This was something out of the ordinary.
You never realize what burdens they carry.
Out of sight out of mind.
You never see how they portray mankind.
For this is the sniffles of the gods.
Defined against all odds.
Feb 27, 2018
Feb 27, 2018 at 11:31 AM UTC
Things got worse today.
I saw them take you.
I saw them drag you away.
My stomach feels sick.
I can't speak.
My throat has a lump in it.
I want to talk to you.
I want you back home.
You know I hate sleeping alone.
I had a dream of you.
I woke up in tears.
Tonight when I reached for you
You weren't there.
My heart broke today.
This is the second time it's happened.
I found out new things about you.
I'm trying to ignore them.
My mind is wandering perfusely
I'm doing my best to stop it.
Just give me a call tomorrow.
Let me know this will all be alright.
We were about to leave.
Start our lives off right.
Now we're at a stopping point.
And my throat still feels tight.
I want to scream at you.
I want this to all go away.
This new information you told me.
I want to ignore it and make it all okay.
Please someone help me.
Please tell me it's just a dream.
Because today I saw them take you.
They dragged you away from me.
Jan 26, 2018
Jan 26, 2018 at 10:55 PM UTC
Here at the cross roads
Which way do I go?
The opposite of the sunset?
Or the the way back home?
I close my eyes to think.
I let it all sink.
Do I continue on this road?
I'm ready for a change
Am I ready to leave?
Maybe Im not.
Am I ready to finally take this jump?
A jump into Oblivion
Into a world unknown.
Maybe I should just go back home.
Everything is normal.
Not one thing ever changes.
I think it's time for me to make my own decision.
It's time that I set out to be the person that I'm not.
To be a better me.
Mom, I hope you understand.
I've finally made my decision .
To be a better man.
Jan 26, 2018
Jan 26, 2018 at 12:59 AM UTC
You've made me laugh
You've made me cry.
But today I looked into your eyes.
Today I really saw you.
My whole world stopped,
And I let out a loving sigh.
You've saved me once or twice.
From myself I might say.
It's not easy loving me,
But you've done it so easily.
You've seen my darkest side
And you've heard my deepest secrets.
Still you hold onto my heart.
Even when you didn't always want to keep it.
I don't deserve you, love.
I probably never will,
But you're here with me still.
I've shoved and I've pushed
Scared of a love I've never had.
But you're still here with me.
You've finally made me see.
I'm grateful Just to have you.
You have loved me through and through.
The love that I owe you is long over due.
Jan 25, 2018
Jan 25, 2018 at 11:44 PM UTC
Today I sit under a tree.
The hot sun beating down on me.
I take a deep breath
Finding myself falling into a deep sleep.
My eyes grow weary
As I drown out every sound.
The ground underneath me slowly fades away.
I try to catch myself,
But my hands give way.
Flailing around and screaming
I remind myself I'm dreaming.
I do my best to wake up
When nothing happens I stand up.
I search for a door.
Anyway to get out of this place.
A voice whispers in my ear
"Anywhere you go you aren't safe"
Fear overwhelms me
Tears running down my face.
The voice whispers again,
"We've always been with you. We know of your every sin."
I tried my best to run.
The voices all seemed to be having fun.
"We've locked you up tightly. There's no where to go."
I screamed out "who are you friend or foe?"
"We're the demons in your head."
Finally I understood.
They set up a trap so well.
They wanted to keep me here.
So that they could feed immensely on my fear.
I wouldn't let that happen.
I couldn't die here.
I woke up from my nap
Drenched in sweat
My thoughts still clouded from fear.
I decided from that day on
My demons will no longer live here.
Jan 23, 2018
Jan 23, 2018 at 4:05 AM UTC