It’s funny
It’s strange
What things you remember
And what you don’t
If you asked me what I said to my aunt
When my grandfather died
That had upset her so much
Four years ago, I wouldn’t know what to tell you
But I’d know I felt guilty
It was probably something
About how we all knew she was playing it up
For attention
Which she was, but I still shouldn’t have said
What I did
If you asked me for a specific memory
From when I was four
I’d tell you about how
A dog bite me
And I had to get 13 stitches
And how my mom bought me soda after
Which was such a treat
Because I did such a good job sitting still
So they could sew up the wound
I’d even tell you that I bit first,
Because my grandfather thought
I’d understand his sarcasm
When he asked
“What do dogs taste like?”
(Hint: I didn’t understand,
Not at all)
It’s funny how
I can remember the time when I was 6
And I believed full heartedly in demons
And my mom came home late
So I momentarily believed
A demon had replaced her
(Thankfully, I quickly got over that delusion)
It’s funny how
I can remember making my cousin cry
When I was 14
And she was 7
By locking her in the bathroom
With the lights off
As I shouted
****** Mary, ****** Mary, ****** Mary!”
Just to freak her out
But I can’t remember why I did
The things I have
I just remember the guilt
The guilt when I finally realized I could have
Seriously hurt the dog
And that she had been abused previously
The guilt of accusing my aunt
The waves of guilt
Crashing against me
When my cousin started sobbing
The relief of never telling mom
That I once thought a demon had
Replaced her
It seems
All I can remember about life
Are my regrets
Oct 17, 2014
Oct 17, 2014 at 9:47 AM UTC
*As a child I had no time
At least, not for trivial things
Such as toys and games
I was busy learning
Spells and runes
Incantations
Illusions and charms
I thought I could trick myself
Into thinking I was happy
As a teenager I had no time
Not for school nor for love
My instructor declared these were trivial
And like the words of a spell change an object
He changed my perceptions
All that was important was my training
My future
Many are pushed into careers
Pressured by a parent
But I am truly a cog in the machine
I wish I was pressured
That would mean I was given a chance to say no
But magic binds
Your master leaves you no choice
As an adult I met you
And the high you gave me beat any spell
It beat any thing I had ever learned
But I didn’t love you
I still don’t love you
I love the idea of you
I love the way you’re there
How you try to help me resist
How you gently correct all my misbehaviors
But I could never love you
All I know now are enchantments
And my heart grows cold as stone
If I could change myself
I would
If there was a spell to fix myself
To force myself to love you
I would use it
Because theres a sadness in your eyes
You know that I’m unable to love
And this breaks me
I’m sorry to you
And I’m sorry to my master
For failing him
But mostly, I’m sorry for myself
Because failing him
Means my undoing
So now as an elder
I’ve remained with you only
To pass my magic along to someone
Our son
I pray your influence
Makes him a better man than I*
Oct 15, 2014
Oct 15, 2014 at 6:42 PM UTC
Words confuse me
What’s more correct; Presume or assume
I like to think that I’m clever
Or Witty
But I find myself looking at dictionaries
or thesauruses
More often than I like to admit
What words are interchangeable?
Trust and betrayal are interlocked in my mind
When I look at you, I wonder what I’d find
If I looked up Love in the dictionary
Surely you can’t be the closest I’ll get
To a father figure
Love and Hate
Pain and Joy
I find I can't tell the difference
Am I witty?
Am I clever?
Tell me, what’s more fitting; Uncle or Monster?
Words confuse me,
But you terrify me.
Oct 15, 2014
Oct 15, 2014 at 6:19 PM UTC