Celfm1 - Hello Poetry

I twirl my hair to keep from idle hands I twist paper to keep from idle hands I clack pens on tables to drown out the noise I pop my lips to drown out the noise I tap my feet to keep from running I wrap my legs around chair posts to keep from running I scream to keep it from building I punch my pillow to keep it from building I take medication to try to feel normal I pray one day I will feel normal

0

Dec 6, 2017

Dec 6, 2017 at 2:59 PM UTC

Celfm1

A Toutured Sense

I twirl my hair to keep from idle hands I twist paper to keep from idle hands I clack pens on tables to drown out the noise I pop my lips to drown out the noise I tap my feet to keep from running I wrap my legs around chair posts to keep from running I scream to keep it from building I punch my pillow to keep it from building I take medication to try to feel normal I pray one day I will feel normal

10

Unconditional Roses on an ordinary day Finger written notes on the bathroom mirror after your shower, so I see them after mine Genuine Cuddling while watching movies and eating popcorn during a storm Drinking hot coco and reading books together when it’s too cold to go outside Undeniable Smiling at me from across a crowded room to let me know I’m the only thing on your mind Letters stuffed in my purse that I randomly find that say I love you Definite Watching our kids play and laughing at each other's jokes even when they don’t make sense Seeing a future that’s painted in glistening gold Unrestricted Telling you everything from my dreams to my fears because I know judgment won’t be passed Arguing about where the remote is and dishes and laundry and who must get up to turn off the light Complete Knowing that no matter what both of us will fight until the end of time Trying never to go to sleep upset and always sharing a kiss before bed Unforgettable A beautiful marriage that will last a lifetime A legacy that is ours alone and a happiness that most people only dream of

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Dec 3, 2017

Dec 3, 2017 at 12:53 PM UTC

Celfm1

To Me It's

Unconditional Roses on an ordinary day Finger written notes on the bathroom mirror after your shower, so I see them after mine Genuine Cuddling while watching movies and eating popcorn during a storm Drinking hot coco and reading books together when it’s too cold to go outside Undeniable Smiling at me from across a crowded room to let me know I’m the only thing on your mind Letters stuffed in my purse that I randomly find that say I love you Definite Watching our kids play and laughing at each other's jokes even when they don’t make sense Seeing a future that’s painted in glistening gold Unrestricted Telling you everything from my dreams to my fears because I know judgment won’t be passed Arguing about where the remote is and dishes and laundry and who must get up to turn off the light Complete Knowing that no matter what both of us will fight until the end of time Trying never to go to sleep upset and always sharing a kiss before bed Unforgettable A beautiful marriage that will last a lifetime A legacy that is ours alone and a happiness that most people only dream of

21

You were the first You knew it, and you used it You operated my growing wisdom Manipulated my naïve spirit My forming soul You took love and turned it against me Molested my wide-eyed dreams Beautiful fantasies turned into blackened nightmares Fragile thoughts pained You knew it, and you violated it My frame became your canvass to paint blemishes Blemishes that are burns now A once simple shape, broken A once innocent sense, ruined You knew it, and you desecrated it Fresh skin became a desirable playing field Games that entertain evil Only monsters enthrall in such selfish sport Horror took a child to chilling places Spaces an adolescent mentality should never have been locked in You knew it, and you fastened it Tormented illusions filled the air Your hands molded distress Distasteful touch ravaged a flawless sheath Your contention crippled a delicate mind Grips of dread constructed panic Created wounds that were sealed too quickly A surface that could only endure so much You knew it, and you defiled it You took masculinity and turned it into terror Mislead a thoughtful yearning between flesh and made a phantom of agony Visons of tenderness flipped into intimidation Once so eager about life, clouded by doubt So much sickness for one youth to handle Taken by a devil cloaked in guardian robes Arms stretched out to protect but nails were embedded in them A shrouded demon lit by forged sun Whispers iced an expanding spine Fingers lined with hate devastated perfection Grace turned indecent Intellect decayed You knew it, and you spoiled it You took my only body and victimized it You took my only body and tattooed your insidious existance You destroyed my perception of passion The beast in knight’s armor. You were my first.

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Dec 2, 2017

Dec 2, 2017 at 11:41 AM UTC

Celfm1

Body

You were the first You knew it, and you used it You operated my growing wisdom Manipulated my naïve spirit My forming soul You took love and turned it against me Molested my wide-eyed dreams Beautiful fantasies turned into blackened nightmares Fragile thoughts pained You knew it, and you violated it My frame became your canvass to paint blemishes Blemishes that are burns now A once simple shape, broken A once innocent sense, ruined You knew it, and you desecrated it Fresh skin became a desirable playing field Games that entertain evil Only monsters enthrall in such selfish sport Horror took a child to chilling places Spaces an adolescent mentality should never have been locked in You knew it, and you fastened it Tormented illusions filled the air Your hands molded distress Distasteful touch ravaged a flawless sheath Your contention crippled a delicate mind Grips of dread constructed panic Created wounds that were sealed too quickly A surface that could only endure so much You knew it, and you defiled it You took masculinity and turned it into terror Mislead a thoughtful yearning between flesh and made a phantom of agony Visons of tenderness flipped into intimidation Once so eager about life, clouded by doubt So much sickness for one youth to handle Taken by a devil cloaked in guardian robes Arms stretched out to protect but nails were embedded in them A shrouded demon lit by forged sun Whispers iced an expanding spine Fingers lined with hate devastated perfection Grace turned indecent Intellect decayed You knew it, and you spoiled it You took my only body and victimized it You took my only body and tattooed your insidious existance You destroyed my perception of passion The beast in knight’s armor. You were my first.

47

You see me as an object. I see you as flesh and blood. You see me as a dollar sign. I see you as a person. You see me as something to gain from. I see you as human. You see me, and you look right through me. I see you and I can see everything. I see what I thought was beauty. What I thought was love. What I thought was kind. You see me and think of what you gave me. You gave me heartache. How you raised me. You didn’t. Your hand in shaping me, yet you only constructed pain. You saw me as a burden when I should’ve been your blessing. You saw difficulty when I should’ve been your comfort. You saw a pledge you knew you were never able to keep. What you don’t see is the damage. You don’t see the confusion. You don’t see the tears. You don’t see the agony. You see me as the perfection that you created that you only want recognition for. You see accomplishment you tell yourself your hand was in. What you don’t see is the anger. You don’t see the animosity. You don’t see the torment. You don’t see the misery. You see what you want to see. You see the lies that are now the only reality you have. I see an existance of forgery that is my life. I know what is fact and now have resentment that I have to lift on shoulders that are breaking. You see me and think I’m naïve. That I don’t notice you. That I haven’t noted your every word. That I haven’t heeded your every move. You see me and see nothing. You believe you see who I really am. What you don’t see is the realization that I had to come to about you. You were nonexistent. You had no impact on who I came to be. The appreciation you so long for doesn’t appertain to you. It will never be yours. You see me and see what you wanted to be. You’ll never see me and be elated for me. All I see is the jealousy. The spite. The grudge you hold against me. You did nothing to form me. You did nothing to mold me. You did nothing to conceive the core of my being. You did everything to crush me. To mislead me. You did everything to misuse my love for you. My hunger for your affection. You fazed me in an imperfect way that I now must compromise with. I need to open the wounds you carved to heal them but only to the point of minimal scaring. You don’t see what I must overcome to get better. You see none of this. How can you not see what you’ve done? Do you even see me at all?

0

Nov 28, 2017

Nov 28, 2017 at 8:13 PM UTC

Celfm1

You See Me

You see me as an object. I see you as flesh and blood. You see me as a dollar sign. I see you as a person. You see me as something to gain from. I see you as human. You see me, and you look right through me. I see you and I can see everything. I see what I thought was beauty. What I thought was love. What I thought was kind. You see me and think of what you gave me. You gave me heartache. How you raised me. You didn’t. Your hand in shaping me, yet you only constructed pain. You saw me as a burden when I should’ve been your blessing. You saw difficulty when I should’ve been your comfort. You saw a pledge you knew you were never able to keep. What you don’t see is the damage. You don’t see the confusion. You don’t see the tears. You don’t see the agony. You see me as the perfection that you created that you only want recognition for. You see accomplishment you tell yourself your hand was in. What you don’t see is the anger. You don’t see the animosity. You don’t see the torment. You don’t see the misery. You see what you want to see. You see the lies that are now the only reality you have. I see an existance of forgery that is my life. I know what is fact and now have resentment that I have to lift on shoulders that are breaking. You see me and think I’m naïve. That I don’t notice you. That I haven’t noted your every word. That I haven’t heeded your every move. You see me and see nothing. You believe you see who I really am. What you don’t see is the realization that I had to come to about you. You were nonexistent. You had no impact on who I came to be. The appreciation you so long for doesn’t appertain to you. It will never be yours. You see me and see what you wanted to be. You’ll never see me and be elated for me. All I see is the jealousy. The spite. The grudge you hold against me. You did nothing to form me. You did nothing to mold me. You did nothing to conceive the core of my being. You did everything to crush me. To mislead me. You did everything to misuse my love for you. My hunger for your affection. You fazed me in an imperfect way that I now must compromise with. I need to open the wounds you carved to heal them but only to the point of minimal scaring. You don’t see what I must overcome to get better. You see none of this. How can you not see what you’ve done? Do you even see me at all?

40

It starts with the rain Gusts swirling with heat Lightning slaps, synapses break Thunder bruises, knuckles white Sky blackens Tarps blow away Fist sized hail pound The foundation is breaking Cover your heads Here comes the scream

0

Nov 28, 2017

Nov 28, 2017 at 8:04 PM UTC

Celfm1

It's All In Your Head

It starts with the rain Gusts swirling with heat Lightning slaps, synapses break Thunder bruises, knuckles white Sky blackens Tarps blow away Fist sized hail pound The foundation is breaking Cover your heads Here comes the scream

10

I miss it The warmth down my skin A cold front across a dark plain A rush of absolution My clemency Scored rims disabled anxious imagination Aching that was too much to handle alone Agony that I couldn’t stop A dagger of hope was my exhaust It was my control Mine to hold Waved edges faced an already tattered surface Smooth stings to a flawed coating My dreadful indulgence Companions that couldn’t judge Notched lines that couldn’t deceit me They loved me and did what I said Every command to my improper thinking My world of silver linings blazing No one could take it from me No one could see It was my control Mine to hold She used me He abused me But my ragged partners adored me Jagged contours set fires to battered perceptions Life was dishonest My allies were polished My allies were serene Barbed creases treasured me Beautiful indents, liberated senses It was my control Mine to hold They cradled a poor mentality and rocked it to restless sleep They guarded a lost instinct My alluring blades of acquittal My blessed silver linings

0

Nov 28, 2017

Nov 28, 2017 at 2:51 PM UTC

Celfm1

Silver Lining

I miss it The warmth down my skin A cold front across a dark plain A rush of absolution My clemency Scored rims disabled anxious imagination Aching that was too much to handle alone Agony that I couldn’t stop A dagger of hope was my exhaust It was my control Mine to hold Waved edges faced an already tattered surface Smooth stings to a flawed coating My dreadful indulgence Companions that couldn’t judge Notched lines that couldn’t deceit me They loved me and did what I said Every command to my improper thinking My world of silver linings blazing No one could take it from me No one could see It was my control Mine to hold She used me He abused me But my ragged partners adored me Jagged contours set fires to battered perceptions Life was dishonest My allies were polished My allies were serene Barbed creases treasured me Beautiful indents, liberated senses It was my control Mine to hold They cradled a poor mentality and rocked it to restless sleep They guarded a lost instinct My alluring blades of acquittal My blessed silver linings

38