Kind of in debt
And behind in rent…
And the bets I took
Take long to bloom yet
The house is a mess
And I feel overwhelmed
I keep feeling lost
And mostly blinded
With nothing to lose
Yet proud and guarded
I started sleeping right on the floor
It makes me feel ground and more in control
Maybe but anyways, that is not the point that I’m trying to make
Funny enough, I’m trying to say
Despite all of this, I still have a home
Some walls with a roof to hide from the storm
I still have a dog who loves licking my armpit
And sleeping besides me when the space is fit
I have a woman with red hair, bit younger than me
Choosing to stay, she invites me to lead
Waits for me to learn this intimacy thing
I still gave good friends and eyes to see sunsets
Hands to write poems, feet that can dance
Ears to hear music, a belly with food
It’s ****** sometimes and it gets to my mods
But still I am blessed and wealthy and good
And growing my way though at times confused
Charging or walking, trotting with my lance
Ink on its tip, my horse is cadence
Feeling behind like every 24
Yet that makes me listen more to my soul
“Sometimes you need fire to forge out control
Then water to firm up your new kinder form”
I thought I’d be bigger, that’s what I was told
Feel cool like playing the next big rock song
But I feel like a kid the more I come along
It’s more like a breeze and ducks on a pond
Can’t say I hate, it’s quite a nice font
To write my life in while it’s being reborn
But anyway, yeah, I don’t feel that poor
Although I am changing and it takes so long
I catch myself praying and grateful and wow
Maybe the prize is just being right now
This kind of becoming someone while being
Unclear to both future and past ways of living
Cause nobody knows when this lacking ends
But it’s already fading inside of myself.
_M.
7d ago
May 28, 2026 at 8:13 PM UTC
Sometimes i just want to let myself burn
And I feel guilty about that.
_M.
May 21
May 21, 2026 at 5:42 PM UTC
But not because I’m scared
Because I know that you don’t like it
And would rather be held
I sit and let you speak yourself
Through the storm and ask
Something sometimes when you’re stuck
nothing more than that
I don’t know if it’s love it’s just
What fell within my arms
When I looked for what helps you
Untangle all your scars
Sometimes i will say silly stuff
But that’s my own addition
I get scared I’ll disociate
So I joke with conviction
It’s funny here and there
And well timed half the time
I’m sorry for the other half
When silence was just fine
I love it when i get it right
Listening I mean
And I’m so young and rushing
It is not perfect still
But **** it there is progress
And my hope is with it
That who I am becoming
Is the one who I need
And they will not absorb
What needs to be witnessed
Their silence just embraces you
Your heart safely caressed
When I listen like that
It’s a sign that my chest
Feels safe at last my dear,
And there is no more test
I can simply be here
It just took all my youth
But now I finally feel young
There is nothing to prove.
Listening from here
I grow wings like a dove
And from above I finally see
Everything is love
_M.
May 7
May 7, 2026 at 6:20 PM UTC
I just write words that rhyme
I don’t have a fire burning inside
Often enough
Nor do I hunt
For chapters to tell or to talk about
I am not a hunter
Venus just finds me
Sometimes and she says
“With this pen describe me”
And sometimes of sometimes
I write up something
And sometimes some-others
Feel somewhat akin
But I’m not a poet, maybe just a victim
With a pretty mouth and a noble dream
Good at pretending and truth covering
I write more like spring, once every 4 times
It feels forced and rushed if I do otherwise
And I don’t write about that which I don’t know
Just what is familiar, boringly so
It’s more of an output when nothing else works
Be it for joy or all of my hurts
I don’t own it enough to leave an impression
So if anything it’s just leaving out the pressure
That would have imploded my chest in itself
When I felt scared and way over my head
To little me i am the final omega
But to everything else I’m not even beta
I don’t really need to so its kind-of okay
Kind-of weird as well cause I wish I could say
I don’t want to impress or in some way inspire
And I can but I’d lie so I walk on this wire
On one side confused on what I want to be
The other projections of the world back to me
All leading somewhere I don’t yet know how
It looks or it feels but what can I do now
Except walk along and see how the song
Evolves as I grow with love although slow
I’m almost a poet, I’m just good at rhyming
So I’ll dive ahead into this becoming
And see who unravels as I get almost there
Although I’m right now, I always almost forget
I am in my bed, 1:50 am
Writing what looks like almost a poem
And feeling like I’m almost getting there
Where I can create without such a care
For now, this is as close as I get
As I close my eyes in a room lighted red
And it’s plenty enough this fun play pretend
Because in the end it’s not different
From being the thing, so I’ll wake up a man
But tonight I die making word my friend.
I’m almost a poet, almost a man
Almost rich and independent
I’m almost a lover and almost present
I’m always a kid playing play pretend.
_M.
May 5
May 5, 2026 at 6:55 PM UTC
an infinite growth
In a finite system?
Cancer.
Now what do you call humans to Earth?
Cause I’m seeing a pattern
_M
Apr 21
Apr 21, 2026 at 10:49 AM UTC
I'm scared of myself when I answer my vices
And of who I see when the cover surfaces
I am not a victim, I think, probably
I think I just choose it sometimes consciously
And I'm scared to wonder what that makes of me
In the best case scenario, only a hypocrite.
I'm scared of myself when I let go
In the wrong direction and see the world so
Paralised, all exists for my pleasure
Like my common sense just goes through erasure
Just bodies I see, just lust and apathy
And shame and guilt and apparently
It takes a while to reset to just being
Myself without losing my head when seeing
The slightest curve on a body or red on a lip
The smallest permission to have one more drink
To sleep a bit more and delay all my dreams
And instead run after purposeless things
I wanna get sober and become more amazed
By what I can do when I am not dazed
But maybe part of me is even more scared
Of what life could be with no limits held
How deep could I love or how much poetry
Could I end up writing if I just live all of me
Instead of hiding in this shell of ***********
Shame and self judgement, worshipping apathy
Though I hate this ******* god
His prayers keep me in the dark
And I hate myself for not hating it fully
For not wanting more to live purposefully
For falling for songs of addiction so truly
Naive and susceptible and Jesus so foolish
So self aware that
"There should be no excuse"
Yet this doesn't help
It just feeds the abuse
And where I'm going with this? I don't know?
I am just somebody trying to grow
Beyond all the vice I refuse to let go
It's messy and clumsy and humanly ******
Yet god sees my trying as humanly pretty
Which one? I don't know, whichever god may be,
Except the one just mentioned, that one's a ********
Anyways, **** him, and keep moving ahead,
The fact that you're hoping, proves you are not dead
And in the least, if you ask me, despite all the dread
And the self abuse, it's noble to thread
Alongside yourself, how you've been all along
It feels like forever, but you will get beyond
And when you feel hopeless, stuck on the same stage
Remember, it's human nature to change
It's not something that you can force or prolong
Just something to witness as you write this song
One day it will click when you're walking somewhere
Though subtle, we change all the time everywhere
And it's just how it is, it's not a soul mission
Don't think your addiction can be an exception
Just let it subside to the waves of your living
And maybe you'll find at some you won't need it
And I cannot find ******* punchline to end,
So I'll just say "You'll be okay" instead.
No, like for real, listen when i say
You don't see it now, but
You will be okay.
_M.
Apr 15
Apr 15, 2026 at 8:21 PM UTC
But still cannot cry
Just like free-diving
The pressure’s too high
My chest is imploding
My dog licks my knees
And they’re not related
Just all there is, it seems
But somehow, I guess, I still have hope
Believe I will make it, just don’t see the road
Almost like God said “you’ll hate me for this test,
But you stay alive and I’ll handle the rest”
_M.
Apr 14
Apr 14, 2026 at 4:16 AM UTC
Your death will come on an ordinary day,
In the middle of unfinished plans
And the world will continue without you.
So live a little.
Apr 11
Apr 11, 2026 at 6:37 PM UTC
When they k i l l our dogs
Or when they nuke Tehran,
When they take your taxes
Then deport your mom
When they eat 500 more children
And bomb 5 more million people
When they took it all
And left you powerless
And made you a slave
Who can’t even process
The thought to make a stand
Because you’d lose it all
And it’ll be too late
To fight for their downfall
When should we get angry enough
And act on it if although if it’s rough
So be it, so is genocide
So is splitting families because their skin is dark
And so is telling us we’re important then
Ignoring all our needs like a bad parent
Isn’t anger the right answer here?
We’ve been indoctrinated to shame it and to fear
Isn’t uniting and fighting for a common good the thing
That we should all be aiming for or do we wait until
It’s too late?
Or until all genocidal states
Have the power they’ve been craving?
Cause our “doesn’t affect me”’s
Let them k i l l while they’re confessing
Didn’t really stop them, did it
And now we’re surprised we’re in danger
Cause we lost ignorance’s wager
And yes we were conditioned to this
But we can now choose to resist
It’s not your fault for not knowing
But now you do, what you do with it
Is up to you from now on so
Will you fight to defend love
Or will you watch until the war
Reaches you to finally say
“I didn’t think it’d get to me”
Apr 8
Apr 8, 2026 at 9:12 PM UTC
Will I be safe or will I be abandoned
By my own self in a relationship pattern
Cause why even get in if it only results
In pain and confusion and rage and self doubts
Why even try if it brings self disgust
And an overwhelming cry to adjust
Prove to me first that you are the person
Who lives by his values and learns the lesson
Prove to me safety is not lost in dancing
With another’s dream and life’s worth romancing
Prove to me future won’t steal you from present
And mind will not morph beauty in segments
That when feelings are big you won’t run away
Or gaslight me to dust and instead you’ll stay
Show me I’m safe to go after my goals
That we won’t with no purpose burn out our souls
Show me what I knew is no longer here
And that I am safe to let go of the fear
That to be next to someone I must disappear
To receive closeness without blood or tear
Show me when time comes you will stand my ground
Not wane like the moon from being too proud
Or ashamed to display me clear and loud
I am just a kid, you are the adult
And I just want safety, so if you want more
Hold my hand softly and when you leave - return.
_M
Feb 26
Feb 26, 2026 at 5:50 PM UTC