It has been a while since I have wrote my thoughts out.
Perhaps its laziness or perhaps a fear of who I have been in the past.
But, as I stop to pack a few more things from the closet of my mother's home.
A handful made me smile, and made me feel the need to put my thoughts down somewhere.
A few Polaroids and some old notes from a girl who was once my whole world, but haven't talked to in years.
I wish her nothing but happiness, and I am eternally grateful for the happy memories we shared.
A tiny christmas tree small enough to put on a night stand, I remember a night in college that tree in the center of our dorm sitting and laughing with the man who is to this day my closest friend.
And of course the fresh wound.
My fathers golf clubs.
At first it's the happy memory of me and my father putting a golf ball across the small patch of grass behind his trailer drinking beer and enjoying a cool summer breeze.
Inevitably though any memories of my father return to that day just this past July.
Sitting next to the hospital bed clutching his hand and watching light fade from his eyes.
But, that was yesterday.
Today is a day to pack, I need to return home to the woman with whom I share my bed.
Groceries need bought, chores done, cats fed.
And come Monday work will need done a future of my making is calling me forward to each new day.
So for now I'll simply take these old memories and tuck them away.
Sep 11, 2021
Sep 11, 2021 at 10:17 AM UTC
I've lost a lot of love and passion.
I replace it with pretending to laugh.
I think too much, but I feel like I act too little.
But I don't know what more I can do.
I don't love her.
But I know she loves me.
I don't know how I will get there.
But I know where I want to be.
I'm fine my life is good.
I worry much more than I should.
I think I'm just scared of what's next.
I'm young though, I still have a lot of nexts to go
Nov 25, 2017
Nov 25, 2017 at 1:31 AM UTC
Life is good.
Yet I feel uneasy.
Maybe I'm concerned about where I'll be next year.
Maybe I'm concerned because I can take the family I've found here with me.
I feel like it will work out.
In fact I'm positive it will.
I just don't know how.
Or why I'm so confidant.
I guess that's why I'm uneasy...
May 8, 2017
May 8, 2017 at 1:54 AM UTC
It's been awhile since I've written for me.
It's to the point I don't know how well I recognise the guy who wrote constantly.
A lot has changed...
I fell into love.
Which nearly fell into abuse.
I got a "dream job".
But if I take it I'll be homeless.
I made some great friends.
Who all hate each other.
Through it all I don't know if it's any better than where I was.
It is definitely newer though.
I feel like I've been blessed with opportunity.
And I've never been more terrified.
But nothing great was ever accomplished by someone who was always comfortable.
May 2, 2017
May 2, 2017 at 11:22 PM UTC
When the people of this earth are all gone.
The floating rock will still spin on.
Trees will grow where we once laid our streets.
And all the problems I once had.
All the things we thought were good or bad.
Will be just a faint mark on the floating rock.
A single spark lost like all the others in the dark.
And while I believe my soul will be more.
This much I know for sure.
And that's that if I want to be remembered on this floating rock.
Then I should spend my life making it a better rock.
Because while we each only have a little spark.
It just takes one kind spark to light up the dark.
Jun 24, 2016
Jun 24, 2016 at 12:35 AM UTC
Living isn't really living if you have nothing to live for.
Living without living for something is just surviving.
Breathing air and getting nutrients don't feed who you are.
Only what you are.
And in my life I live for many things.
Some I still live for.
Others fade away in time.
But in the end its all life.
And one day we won't have it anymore.
So maybe for a few months at least we could all stop just surviving.
And try to start living.
Jun 5, 2016
Jun 5, 2016 at 12:11 AM UTC
I stand at the edge between fire and life.
I'm forced to watch as the fire consumes what little is left.
I'm forced to sit and watch as others add to this fire.
While those same people expect me to put it out.
Thankfully I'm not alone.
But even with all our buckets we barely keep it at bay.
Maybe more people will help when their homes are blown away.
For now though I settle with these few and do our best to keep the fire away.
May 14, 2016
May 14, 2016 at 9:22 PM UTC
I'll see you again.
For now though I'll just play pretend.
That your sitting in one of the planes that we see flying overhead.
On your way to a foreign land.
I know I make you nervous.
You've told me that much.
Because when you're with me you forget about him.
While I try to ignore how easy it would be for our lips to touch.
You said this summer you would try to forget about me.
I guess it's because he gives you safety.
And I guess I'm a bit of a leap.
So guess I'll try to forget about you too.
But I'll admit that's not easy to do.
When every-time I close my eyes all I see are your sky blue's
May 5, 2016
May 5, 2016 at 2:05 AM UTC
Beautiful interstate.
Hallways to a home I'll soon inherit.
They keep telling me that the only downside to the life I've chosen.
Is constant motion.
Maybe an older wiser me will complain.
But for now I'll keep getting ready.
Because if these roads are my hallways.
Then I can't wait to see the rest of this home.
Apr 22, 2016
Apr 22, 2016 at 1:15 AM UTC
I want to thank-you.
For reminding me all I need on this earth is my life, faith, and dream.
I'm sure you'll think I'm mad.
But that couldn't be further from true.
Because I never needed you.
I just hope you understand you don't need me too.
Besides we both have more important things to do.
Apr 11, 2016
Apr 11, 2016 at 12:07 AM UTC