I was on the ground
Airway closed
Can’t fight
Can’t flee
Put in recovery position
Blackness
Then I heard her
“I miss you,
Won’t you visit?”
She was dead
But she felt so close
My body felt warm
Before being pulled away
Second Epi
People above me
I wanted to go back
To pay her a visit
But EMS came
Before I could see her
2d ago
Jun 2, 2026 at 8:20 PM UTC
How do I accept
This bending of reality
A worst case scenario
Coming true
No locked doors
Can’t be alone
Work from home
Nowhere is safe now
Friends fear me
Don’t want to give me the shot
I’d need to save my life
Teachers watch me like a hawk
Fearing the day I blow
MCAS
Chronic and forever
Remission possible
Only by reducing symptoms
Doctor after doctor
Passed between specialists
Research doctors love me
As a subject for their papers
Why was I dealt this bad hand
Why does my body betray me
I just want friends to be comfortable with me
And for life to go back the way it was
Calm
Predictable
Happy
2d ago
Jun 2, 2026 at 8:16 PM UTC
Being a goalie is odd
Because you’re the odd one
You take the hits and the pain
And smile right through it
Being a goalie is hard
Nobody seems to get it
Reacting faster and faster
To catch something you can’t see
They’ll tell you it’s easy
That anyone can catch
But they haven’t trained
Their brain and body not to flinch
They’ll blame you
When they don’t like the score
Even though you’re a team
You should have done better
You should have compensated for the hundreds of mistakes
That you tried to correct
But nobody listened
Because you’re not a field player
You’re a goalie
And what do goalies know
About the plays taught at the practice
That they still attend
I am this goalie
One for lacrosse
I’m weird and have rituals
And sacrifice myself for the team
My body and mind
Are tougher than theirs
But they tell me it’s easy
To not show fear
The thing is
I’m not a real teammate
Just a goalkeeper
Just a brick wall
Just an obstacle
2d ago
Jun 2, 2026 at 8:14 PM UTC
Watch your sugar
Or so I've been told
They act like it
Can turn to salt
Salt…
That’s funny
Because your sugar
Tastes of salt to me
I taste it in every mirror
Every contour of my body
Everytime i watch my stomach jiggle
Everytime I wish my fat were my tears
So easy to lose yourself
In that shaker
I taste it in every movement
When I look down and my stomach
Blocks my feet
And my thighs rub
Salt makes starving
Quite attractive
To bad I can’t
Because they’re watching too closely
Salt makes me want water
My tears must count
I’ll drink my food
And cry out my fat
And maybe it’ll
Finally taste of sugar
2d ago
Jun 2, 2026 at 8:12 PM UTC
It never occurred to me
That one day
I’d wake up sick
And never get better
It never occurred to me
That I was born sick
And would never get better
It never occurred to me
That when I woke up
For my first day
Of middle school
That I was walking into
A place I would almost die in
It never occurred to me
That doctors know
Very little
Compared to what
We need them to know
I never dreamed
That nightmares would come true
And my dreams would drown
In pools of doctors notes
As I listen to insurance
Try to deny a prescription
That I needed to live
They said that dreams would
Always come true
But never occurred
That nightmares were dream too
It never occurred to me
That I’d wake up sick
And never get better
That I’d be scared
To go anywhere
And angry at everyone
For the answers they can’t give
2d ago
Jun 2, 2026 at 8:11 PM UTC