I miss you I miss you I miss you
I mistook you for
something that could make me happy
and together,
we set each other
on fire,
watched you melt down until nothing but
exhaustion was left.
Did you cry when you left?
Me, sitting there,
you, in-and-out of bookshelves,
trying to find
what?
The memory of us
walking these aisles,
looking for ways
to keep each other
grounded.
Present.
Present me with
a pair of socks to
keep my cold feet warm.
Your cold feet are frozen now.
And I sit there.
You, in-and-out of bookshelves,
finding your answer out the door
because I miss miss miss
mistook you for
someone who could make me
happy.
May 3, 2017
May 3, 2017 at 8:07 PM UTC
days and counting
but I'm the only one left
here
waiting
191
192
193
Dec 10, 2016
Dec 10, 2016 at 1:14 AM UTC
everything hurts
and I don't know
what to write about
anymore
Jun 7, 2016
Jun 7, 2016 at 11:59 PM UTC
Every Saturday for the past two years has pretty much been the same.
I wake up to the sound of my momma knocking on my door,
"Go watch your sister, I'll be back soon."
I stagger out of bed and head on over to keep an eye on my little sister, Raylin.
She returns usually an hour later,
It's 8 am at this point,
With five young girls,
Five very sleepy young girls.
The oldest, 16 now, Adriana,
Collapses on the couch most of the time,
Too tired to make it to another bed.
Roxana and Mariana, 14 and 9,
Will sit and watch tv all day from the moment they get here
To the time they leave.
Maritza and Marisol,
7 and 6, will sleep until Raylin wakes up to play with them.
It usually doesn't take very long.
Two years ago is when it all started.
Having to wake up early to get the girls,
Having to pick them up from 30 minutes away
So they could have a safe place to call home.
Two years ago,
my mother receives a call from my tia Cindy,
*"Adriana is hurt,
Adriana can't move,
She went too far this time."*
The entire family had been trying for months to get the girls,
Their mother and father a complete mess.
"In love", they called it.
They would show their love with marks upon their skin,
Bruises as proof of their undying love for each other.
My tia Perla would wear her blood and tear stained love upon her sleeves
for the world to see,
But she didn’t care.
This was the life she chose for herself,
And when she grew unhappy with it,
Her daughters would hide in fear,
Adriana and Roxana taking the worst of it.
Once,
I heard Roxana yelling at my own momma,
Who only wanted Roxana to listen.
"I don’t care, I just want my mom, I want to go home."
I couldn't understand the words that were coming out of her mouth.
Later that day,
after my momma and I dropped the girls off at tia Cindy's house,
I asked my momma what could've possibly caused
Roxana to say something like that.
"It's her mom, it's the only type of love she knows."
Two year ago,
These sleepy girls showed up at my house,
In the dead of night
when the bats would fly around,
Maritza and Marisol holding each others hands,
The older three with panicked expressions they couldn’t hide,
The beginnings of several bruises
Forming on Adriana and Roxana's arms and legs.
They slept huddled together on my bed,
Refusing to leave each other,
Shaking even when it wasn't cold.
Two years ago,
These five sleepy girls couldn’t sleep
without being scared of what waited for them in their dreams.
Arms and hands that were supposed to shoo the bad dreams away
caused them instead,
But last Saturday was pretty much the same as it has been
For the past two years.
My momma knocked on my door,
"Go watch your sister, I'll be back soon."
The five girls show up at my house,
No longer scared,
No longer shaking when it's not cold,
No longer so sleepy.
May 9, 2016
May 9, 2016 at 3:38 AM UTC
my love for you
borders on sacrilege
almost unholy
i could wait for you forever
but it doesn't mean i will
not if you don't want me to
Jan 9, 2016
Jan 9, 2016 at 1:07 AM UTC
i'm so tired
of waiting
waiting
waiting
for you
and words
that never caught up
to your mouth
Jan 7, 2016
Jan 7, 2016 at 12:17 AM UTC
lately i've found myself staring at blank spaces
thinking of nothing but you
your face, your hands, your hugs
your lips, your voice
the things it says
the things i wish it would
lately i've found myself relating to all of the sad songs i'd stopped listening to
i don't want to be sad anymore
i don't want to fight the urge to cry all the time
but it keeps coming back
and i'm tired of fighting
i don't write the way i used to anymore
i can't play hide and seek with my writing anymore
there's nowhere to hide
yet i keep losing myself in these words
that don't mean a **** thing
i am volatile
and all i want to do is hide
but there's nowhere to hide
when all too familiar eyes
read these words
and throw them back at me
lately i've found myself staring at blank spaces
trying not to find a reason to give up
lately i've been hearing the words "i love you" a lot
but i'm having a hard time believing them
Dec 22, 2015
Dec 22, 2015 at 1:49 AM UTC
i spend a lot of time
thinking about the stars
and even more time
placing you in them
Dec 21, 2015
Dec 21, 2015 at 12:09 AM UTC
...
i'm not myself
and i don't know how
to get back
keep me grounded
please don't let go
Dec 3, 2015
Dec 3, 2015 at 1:15 AM UTC