It’s been 7 months.
I still carry you in my heart, like a stone pressing on my breathing.
I see you everywhere, in the books I read, in the movies I watch, on the streets, in my bed.
I see you with my eyes wide open, I see you with my eyes shut.
I still remember your fingers on my skin, I still remember your voice and your jokes, I still remember your smell and your breath.
You’re lingering on every little thing in my life.
I ask myself if I will be able to feel love ever again.
How can you love someone else if you’ve already loved with all your soul and your being?
Some days I think about you a little less, but on most of the days, you’re all I think about, 24/24, even when I’m dreaming, I still dream of your hazel eyes, I think about all of my mistakes, about all the little things we had, things that I will never have with another person.
I would give up everything if I could just do it all over again, right from the start, and do it differently, so we could have a happy ending.
I impatiently wait for all of this to be over.
I am tired, I’m so tired of endlessly wrapping my mind around all of these memories.
I’m going mad.
You’re happy.
Or at least I hope you’re happy.
I hope you’re happier than you’ve been with me.
I hope she treats you how you need, I hope she loves you thoroughly, I hope she would take a bullet for you, like I would’ve.
I hope she listens to you and supports all of your ideas, I hope she never gets tired by your amazing mind.
I hope she will get the chance to know you like I did and I hope she cherishes and appreciates you, like I never did.
I lost you.
I lost the love of my life, because I was scared of commitment, because I didn’t show him the love I felt for him, because I made him think I don’t care about him, when in fact, he was the only thing I cared about.
And he still is.
I fall asleep with your smile on my mind, imagining your body pressed to mine.
Apr 13, 2019
Apr 13, 2019 at 11:17 AM UTC
I'm hanging by every memory
By every smell, by every song and by every word
Always searching for a moment
To be alone
Just to think a little bit more about your eyes.
I don't want to forget you
You seem so unreal, like a ghost
Like you've suddenly died
Leaving me alone
In a world where I don't belong.
I have a hundred stones made of guilt
I'm carrying them on my shoulders
They weight on my heart
They reign my mind.
I have a hudred regrets
Haunting me,
Ripping me,
Disrupting my reality.
I hope at the end of this world
I'll feel your face again,
I'll look into your eyes
And I will tremble one last time.
Apr 13, 2019
Apr 13, 2019 at 11:07 AM UTC
We are crashing together with a clatter of sounds,
mumbling our last words of love.
The bed becomes colder and colder, along with our hearts.
We're caught between Dreamland and reality,
falling asleep to the painful sound of the rain,
with our lungs filled with all the things we never said.
In the infinite Universe, we flow like stardust,
dividing into atoms,
with Bob Dylan as the soundtrack of our distructive love.
Tears well up in your big, hazel eyes as you mutter the lyrics.
And suddenly, my body started to feel the loneliness again.
I couldn't hear a thing and I was drowning in regrets.
Maybe my unsteadiness destroyed your passion or maybe it was just an illusion.
You said "Is love supposed to hurt like this?"
I didn't know what to say.
You took your clothes and left for the last time.
All I can say now is that my heart is too heavy for you to lift and the music of my soul could never be heard by you.
Apr 13, 2019
Apr 13, 2019 at 10:58 AM UTC