I'd say you bring color to my life
That my life was gray before you came along
But, that would be a lie
Life was always colorful
You make me want to color it some more.
I want to color you silly
Would you do me the honor
of coloring me too?
Apr 4, 2020
Apr 4, 2020 at 4:36 AM UTC
Once, there was a person who did me wrong. At the time, I didn't know why I was so sad. But, I cried everyday. I couldn't sleep at night and only fell asleep from exhaustion as dawn broke. I wanted to hate this person. Maybe I should have. Maybe, I did.
I know I shouldn't have because she was only doing her job and I was the one in the wrong and I didn't work hard enough and I didn't have enough sleepless nights to prepare for what I should have prepared for. I didn't give myself enough to the work. I didn't give ENOUGH of MYSELF. I didn't know my priorities and I didn't realize that my actions at the time would cost me so much down the line. Or, so I thought. I don't know.
Today I thought I didn't care. And, I hadn't for such a long time. I've met the person I was before it happened and I was confident that I was fine. I became her again. It's been years since I...
Yet, I heard news about others who were given merit for their accomplishments. Something I should've been awarded should I have not had that one slip up. Or was it my slip up?
And I thought I was fine, after all this time. The point is.. I''m done deciding whose fault it was and really, I don't feel sad. But, I don't feel fine. I'm far from fine. I'm not mad. I'm hurt.
I feel as if the wound that I thought was a scar was still a scab and someone ripped it off to reveal that the wound never healed. I just ignored it and forgot about it. I lived as if the scab wasn't there.
I used to believe time heals all wounds and maybe it does for some people.
I see now that the magic hasn't worked for me at all.
Apr 4, 2020
Apr 4, 2020 at 4:14 AM UTC
I say I hate cliches, but I can't break free from them
I end up being the teen who hates her parents
I want to cry for help but who would help?
The adults?
Like that's new?
I don't even want help anymore.
I feel trapped
But the only one here to trap me is myself
I say a few words don't hurt
They don't.
I feel numb.
Dead.
I feel nothing.
What difference then is there in life and death?
They don't understand
How inviting the knife is.
Or how exhilarating heights are.
How I want to jump from the tallest building
Just
To taste true freedom.
But freedom
Is not what I want...
It want happiness.
Nov 14, 2017
Nov 14, 2017 at 10:18 AM UTC
I fear change and of being forgotten, but I’ve come to realize that the essence of transcending my own life is not merely limited to that of memory, trinkets and remembrances. Similar to a mother tree, my roots will go deeper and the seeds that I have created will continue to plant seeds of their own. Essentially, as I go further into the past and the future, I am connected to almost everything through my ancestors and through my children’s children. My children will remember how I was good to them and hopefully pass it on to their own children. The people carrying me within them may change and may forget who I am and the things I’ve done. However, the values I will have instilled within my kin will become my essence and I feel that that is enough to validate my existence and my worth. It is enough for me to commit myself to make at least this possible.
May 16, 2017
May 16, 2017 at 11:21 PM UTC
To the world unknown,
Be beautiful,
With great expanses of green,
Filled with flowers unseen,
Unicorns and the unreal animals.
Be gentle and kind,
Have no harsh weather or natural disasters,
Not too much sunlight,
I don't want sunburns,
Not too much snow,
I don't want to catch a cold,
Not too much rain,
I don't want flood.
Just adequate,
The way I like it.
To the world unknown,
Be filled with beautiful souls and beautiful people,
With no violence or war,
Where people die of old age,
Not of sickness or diseases,
Nor of poison or venom.
To the world unknown,
I know you're not real,
But sometimes I wish you'd exist once in a while,
Because sometimes I need a break.
Sometimes. Because other times, Earth seems a lot more awesome,
Beautiful also,
And I haven't seen the half of it,
It may not be perfect as in the beginning,
But to an imperfect being such as myself,
You would only interest me for a while,
In the long run you'd be boring.
To the world unknown,
You cannot exist,
Because I don't have the power to make you exist.
I don't have the power to make you exist because
The I am that I am has made it so,
Because the world He has created,
The one I live in,
The one that actually exists,
Is more beautiful than you.
May 16, 2017
May 16, 2017 at 11:19 PM UTC
I seem to make a mess even when trying to be my best
I wear that sweater covered in feelings
The thing we're programmed to receive
Respect is never given to the hurt
pretty disgusting
Never, a word death is kissing
Karma will eat your soul
I guess that's the goal,
when you have nothing
I wish to walk away from the plenty
Only to be something
For a nobody
who loves me
Oct 21, 2016
Oct 21, 2016 at 9:14 AM UTC
The living room is full of shards of a memory
A memory worth stepping on
I want to feel the tearing of skin
Feel the blood gush out as I remove each shard that tears my feet and I,
I am not a ********* but in moments like these I feel compelled to feel the burning sensation even when there isn't a fire anymore
I miss this.
The hot feeling of passion, only there isn't any passion
The hot feeling of being alive, only there isn't much reason
I don't want to be here but where else am I supposed to stay to feel like I'm still human
Oct 16, 2016
Oct 16, 2016 at 2:21 AM UTC
Tantanan mo ko
Hindi ako nagbabanta upang takutin ka
Hindi nga ako nagbabanta e
Tigilan mo ko
Kasi sa bawat tawag mo
Nanlulumo ako
Sa bawat hiling mo
Sa mga bagay na wala naman ako
Mas nararamdaman ko
Na may kulang
Na may mga bagay na wala talaga sa akin kahit anong hanap ko
Alam kong trabaho mo yan
Pero please
Matuto ka namang makinig
Kasi sinubukan naman kitang pakinggan
Wala lang talaga akong maisagot
Oct 16, 2016
Oct 16, 2016 at 1:58 AM UTC
I thought I would be different today
I expected midnight this morning would have wrought a change
In me like Cinderella's coach that turned into a wrinkled pumpkin
Leaving her to walk home from the ball.
But that didn't happen.
Midnight struck this morning and the gentle heart and
Glowing soul who lies beside me through every lonely night
Reached back, pulled my face close to hers and said,
"Happy birthday, I love you".
Then she kissed me and I was young all over again.
May 2, 2016
May 2, 2016 at 9:27 PM UTC