AddieRivers610 - Hello Poetry

It’s gotten so bad that I don’t find comfort In writing. I don’t want to write about how I’m feeling and have complete strangers tell me they understand because it shouldn’t be hard for me to understand myself or for family or my so called friends but all I hear is an echo of i don’t know what to say or what to do or it’ll get better. For who? For me who’s suffering or for the people who caused me to suffer because they no longer have me in their lives. Yeah I guess it did get better for them I’m glad all the hours i sit in the dark all the days i don’t come out of my room the weeks I don’t leave the house are sighs of relief to you while I choke on the tears that form a lump in my throat and no matter how many times i try to swallow it It won’t go away. It cuts up my vocal cords so all that is left are blank eyes On a ghost white face With dark circles that I fall into at night instead of sleeping. In a body that wants to disappear and mind that wants to destroy itself -3/29/18

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Apr 3, 2018

Apr 3, 2018 at 4:43 PM UTC

AddieRivers610

How Bad Is It?

It’s gotten so bad that I don’t find comfort In writing. I don’t want to write about how I’m feeling and have complete strangers tell me they understand because it shouldn’t be hard for me to understand myself or for family or my so called friends but all I hear is an echo of i don’t know what to say or what to do or it’ll get better. For who? For me who’s suffering or for the people who caused me to suffer because they no longer have me in their lives. Yeah I guess it did get better for them I’m glad all the hours i sit in the dark all the days i don’t come out of my room the weeks I don’t leave the house are sighs of relief to you while I choke on the tears that form a lump in my throat and no matter how many times i try to swallow it It won’t go away. It cuts up my vocal cords so all that is left are blank eyes On a ghost white face With dark circles that I fall into at night instead of sleeping. In a body that wants to disappear and mind that wants to destroy itself -3/29/18

38

I had a place to rest my head A shoulder to lean on and now I don’t But I haven’t forgotten the feeling. — 3/8/18

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Apr 3, 2018

Apr 3, 2018 at 4:39 PM UTC

AddieRivers610

Feelings aren't mutual

I had a place to rest my head A shoulder to lean on and now I don’t But I haven’t forgotten the feeling. — 3/8/18

5

“I dare you to walk across this broken glass to get to me.” You said “Why can’t you walk across it to get to me?” I asked “I don’t want to get cut.” You said “Neither do I.” I said while walking towards you barefoot. “I dare you to grab the arrow.” You said “Why can’t I hold the bow and you hold the arrow?” I asked “I don’t want to get hurt.” You said “Neither do I.” I said gripping the arrow as you took a step back. “I dare you to stand in front of this gun.” You said “Why don’t you let me hold the gun?” I asked “I don’t want to get shot.” You said “Neither do I.” I said placing the barrel to my chest as you put your finger on the trigger.

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Mar 21, 2018

Mar 21, 2018 at 8:09 PM UTC

AddieRivers610

3/18/18

“I dare you to walk across this broken glass to get to me.” You said “Why can’t you walk across it to get to me?” I asked “I don’t want to get cut.” You said “Neither do I.” I said while walking towards you barefoot. “I dare you to grab the arrow.” You said “Why can’t I hold the bow and you hold the arrow?” I asked “I don’t want to get hurt.” You said “Neither do I.” I said gripping the arrow as you took a step back. “I dare you to stand in front of this gun.” You said “Why don’t you let me hold the gun?” I asked “I don’t want to get shot.” You said “Neither do I.” I said placing the barrel to my chest as you put your finger on the trigger.

12

You have to be careful because I’m a delicate little flower If you raise your voice I’ll probably cry And my petals will get torn Because the sound of your voice holds a gale force wind And my hands are too weak to hold on If I cry that must mean I’m weak right? Because that’s what crying is it’s weakness leaking out of my eyes And causing my hands to shake with every breath I push out of my body and every word that comes from my trembling lips sounds like a whisper. Speaking of whisper you have to be quiet too All of yours words to me must sound Like a soft hum Because as soon as I hear storm clouds come from your mouth The rain will come from my eyes and fall to ground At my feet I can feel the rumble of your voice beneath me And it makes my heart pound in my ears And it’s all too loud for a scared little rabbit like me If I run away that must mean I don’t have the strength to face anything I probably fall apart like the fabriage egg I crushed in my hand from Piere one Imports when I was a kid (it was an accident) and there’s no way to put me or that egg back together. Because we are both so **** fragile that one angry glare can cause a crack in me and break everything that I am I am fragile but I have glue to put myself back together whenever I need to I cry but I will not let the tears stop me from letting my voice be heard I can hear thunder in the distance and stand my ground I am sensitive but I am not weak Even something as delicate as a flower has thorns

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Mar 15, 2018

Mar 15, 2018 at 10:49 PM UTC

AddieRivers610

Sensitive

You have to be careful because I’m a delicate little flower If you raise your voice I’ll probably cry And my petals will get torn Because the sound of your voice holds a gale force wind And my hands are too weak to hold on If I cry that must mean I’m weak right? Because that’s what crying is it’s weakness leaking out of my eyes And causing my hands to shake with every breath I push out of my body and every word that comes from my trembling lips sounds like a whisper. Speaking of whisper you have to be quiet too All of yours words to me must sound Like a soft hum Because as soon as I hear storm clouds come from your mouth The rain will come from my eyes and fall to ground At my feet I can feel the rumble of your voice beneath me And it makes my heart pound in my ears And it’s all too loud for a scared little rabbit like me If I run away that must mean I don’t have the strength to face anything I probably fall apart like the fabriage egg I crushed in my hand from Piere one Imports when I was a kid (it was an accident) and there’s no way to put me or that egg back together. Because we are both so **** fragile that one angry glare can cause a crack in me and break everything that I am I am fragile but I have glue to put myself back together whenever I need to I cry but I will not let the tears stop me from letting my voice be heard I can hear thunder in the distance and stand my ground I am sensitive but I am not weak Even something as delicate as a flower has thorns

26

Crying is gross gross and I do it often often because I have a lot of emotions and I don't know how to get it out without water pouring from my eyes eyes that grow red and puffy puffy is not a good look for me me I hate crying but I do it it makes me feel better better to cry than have no emotion like you you couldn't even pretend to care care about our friendship friendship means something to me but not to you you won't cry cry about the fact that I tried tried to get you to open up and speak to me like an adult adults talk about things and they also cry crying may be weakness to you you were silent silent because you had nothing to say say something and open your god **** mouth I wanted to scream at you you didn't care caring about someone is exhausting when they don't care or put in any effort back back to you I ask you if you have anything to say say something after listening to me pour my heart out to you you really have nothing to say say something so when the tears come later I can say to myself that she tried tried to mend things things would never go back to the way they were were they ever together to being with with everything I said you just sat there there's my answer answer me this, will you cry for me the way I cried for you you won't because robots don't cry

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Mar 14, 2018

Mar 14, 2018 at 7:24 PM UTC

AddieRivers610

Emotionless Robot

Crying is gross gross and I do it often often because I have a lot of emotions and I don't know how to get it out without water pouring from my eyes eyes that grow red and puffy puffy is not a good look for me me I hate crying but I do it it makes me feel better better to cry than have no emotion like you you couldn't even pretend to care care about our friendship friendship means something to me but not to you you won't cry cry about the fact that I tried tried to get you to open up and speak to me like an adult adults talk about things and they also cry crying may be weakness to you you were silent silent because you had nothing to say say something and open your god **** mouth I wanted to scream at you you didn't care caring about someone is exhausting when they don't care or put in any effort back back to you I ask you if you have anything to say say something after listening to me pour my heart out to you you really have nothing to say say something so when the tears come later I can say to myself that she tried tried to mend things things would never go back to the way they were were they ever together to being with with everything I said you just sat there there's my answer answer me this, will you cry for me the way I cried for you you won't because robots don't cry

34

I thought winters cold bitter bite Was over I thought the ice that covered everything Was melting I thought the layer of frost on the flowers Was disappearing I thought the sun would be enough To make me happy But there are clouds again The wind has picked back up In the cold My tears turn to ice once more

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Mar 13, 2018

Mar 13, 2018 at 6:21 PM UTC

AddieRivers610

Preparing Myself For Winter

I thought winters cold bitter bite Was over I thought the ice that covered everything Was melting I thought the layer of frost on the flowers Was disappearing I thought the sun would be enough To make me happy But there are clouds again The wind has picked back up In the cold My tears turn to ice once more

12

There’s no way you didn’t know that what you said would upset me Everyone keeps reminding me how long we’ve been friends I wonder if you thought about that at all? Has anyone said to you that what you said to me wasn’t right? Has anyone asked you if you could have spared my feelings which were so close to the edge and all they needed was that little nudge from you? No, probably not. They probably don’t say anything to you. You haven’t gone back in your head over and over Replaying everything that happened that day Thinking about every word that came from your mouth Well I have Multiple times and let me tell you You are a true friend Because you stabbed me in the front And in the back at the same time.

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Mar 12, 2018

Mar 12, 2018 at 12:22 PM UTC

AddieRivers610

Stab Me Twice, Shame On Me

There’s no way you didn’t know that what you said would upset me Everyone keeps reminding me how long we’ve been friends I wonder if you thought about that at all? Has anyone said to you that what you said to me wasn’t right? Has anyone asked you if you could have spared my feelings which were so close to the edge and all they needed was that little nudge from you? No, probably not. They probably don’t say anything to you. You haven’t gone back in your head over and over Replaying everything that happened that day Thinking about every word that came from your mouth Well I have Multiple times and let me tell you You are a true friend Because you stabbed me in the front And in the back at the same time.

14

This bruise on my hand is growing. I can see it spreading to my other hand To my arms Shoulders Up my neck Down my chest Down my stomach Across my hips Stretching the length of my legs And ending at my feet Who would think that's beautiful? Who would want to touch someone that's Dark purple On the outside Blue towards the middle And yellow around the edges No one And I shouldn't expect them too

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Mar 12, 2018

Mar 12, 2018 at 12:12 PM UTC

AddieRivers610

3/8/18

This bruise on my hand is growing. I can see it spreading to my other hand To my arms Shoulders Up my neck Down my chest Down my stomach Across my hips Stretching the length of my legs And ending at my feet Who would think that's beautiful? Who would want to touch someone that's Dark purple On the outside Blue towards the middle And yellow around the edges No one And I shouldn't expect them too

18

I hope there’s an absence I hope there’s silence Where there was once laughter I hope the silence isn’t filled with anything I hope it’s deafening I hope you remember what was there I hope when you try to drown it out It doesn’t work I hope the loudest music sounds like a whisper I hope your thoughts run rampant in the middle of the night and you have to beg and plead with them to stop running off into the darkest parts of the woods and come back to the light. Does that make me selfish? Does that make me wrong? Do I care? No, because I shouldn’t be the only one I hope I’m not the only one.

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Mar 12, 2018

Mar 12, 2018 at 11:53 AM UTC

AddieRivers610

I Hope

I hope there’s an absence I hope there’s silence Where there was once laughter I hope the silence isn’t filled with anything I hope it’s deafening I hope you remember what was there I hope when you try to drown it out It doesn’t work I hope the loudest music sounds like a whisper I hope your thoughts run rampant in the middle of the night and you have to beg and plead with them to stop running off into the darkest parts of the woods and come back to the light. Does that make me selfish? Does that make me wrong? Do I care? No, because I shouldn’t be the only one I hope I’m not the only one.

15