I hate you like the hoarse, dry throated cockeral hates the rise of morning sun. A hatred that repeats itself over and over with closed eyelids. It is a strange emotion to hate with hope, as all creatures do that something miraculous will emerge from the same, tired nothingness. A foundation built on what if's and maybe's. when in reality everything always repeats, always.
Jun 2, 2021
Jun 2, 2021 at 7:51 PM UTC
There is a spider in the kitchen we're both just stood staring, it and I in a trance of who runs first? Are you dangerous or am I? I try to catch it under a glass but it will not move, are you dangerous or am I? I step back it needs time to recover, we both do. There is a spider in the kitchen are you dangerous or am I?
May 22, 2021
May 22, 2021 at 2:22 PM UTC
When I'm sad it rains,
its been raining a lot lately.
And just like that sentence I've been skirting around the edges trying to avoid direct contact with anything.
I feel like I am edgeless and not in a 'you are limitless' kind of way.
More like I have no idea who I am anymore and it scares the hell out of me!
I don't feel sad in the same way I used to when I could attach a tag to each emotion and say I know you.
I feel shattered and used like every bone in my body has come from a charity shop and I'm trying to figure out how everything works and what pieces are missing from the box.
I am drowning in my own rain and every breath I try to take to remind myself you have to survive,
fills my lungs a little more until I have to scream **** you!
Bring it on,
because I refuse to die in this weather, just like the past I cannot change it but my coat has a hood and like everything,
rain is never permanent.
May 22, 2021
May 22, 2021 at 2:15 PM UTC
I can't cry properly anymore,
Before I could cry for hours and when the hours were up my problems always seemed a little more solved. Now I cry in little bursts,
enough to be sore and dehydrated but not enough to make anything make sense or resolved.
I try to cry but I feel prevented I feel numb I feel empty,
I need to be sad so that I can be happy. I am like a traffic light changing from happy to Amber to sad.
I change dramatically and periodically like that.
Right now I am stuck on Amber,
I am stalled.
May 22, 2021
May 22, 2021 at 1:57 PM UTC
It is half-past one in the afternoon, I have bobbed on the sea of empty deepness like a buoyancy aid with no purpose but to bounce.
I bump into emotion after emotion like a cascade, a waterfall or a tornado just trying to score high on entropy.
I am high on emptiness yet I am full, full of all the words and memories that have been shoved inside of me like a stuffed turkey.
I cannot draw a line between one thought to the next like a connect the dots but the picture does not make sense.
I feel empty and full as if I've eaten a huge meal yet I've eaten nothing at all.
I still have hours more to digest.
May 21, 2021
May 21, 2021 at 5:34 AM UTC
My stomach gurgles day and night, it is not hungry but afraid. My fears have fallen from my mind into the pit of my stomach and I can hear them screaming to get out.
Apr 25, 2021
Apr 25, 2021 at 4:45 PM UTC
Some days poetry isn't enough, I've read enough about love, now I need to feel it.
Apr 25, 2021
Apr 25, 2021 at 4:43 PM UTC
I am suspended, trapped in this emotional black void. I cannot cheer myself up when I know you are so sad. I want to call you and fill your mouth with kisses and remind you that your track record for surviving bad days is 100%. I want to fill you up with happiness like fuel at a gas station so that you can continue this unmapped journey. I just really, really want you to be happy.
Apr 25, 2021
Apr 25, 2021 at 4:41 PM UTC
When I was little my mums friend had a piano, I remember going to her house for dinner one night and I was so excited when I saw this huge upright instrument, I'd never played with a piano before and I just thought it was magnificent. Uniquely, like most things I did as a kid, I used the piano to tell stories. I thought the deep notes on the left represented goblins and monsters and the high, light notes on the right were the fairies and princesses. I would mash the lower keys and say things like "then the big bad goblin came into the woods" and as I fiddled with the high notes I would talk about how the magical fairies saved the day. Its funny how black and white things were when you were a child, there was good and there was bad and everything had a happy ending, now as I fumble with my own keyboard years later I realise that the most beautiful music comes when both high and low are played in unison. Like ying and yang no story is ever soley good or bad, but a mixture of the two, true beauty comes when highs and a lows are shaped as one, and that I think is the beauty of life.
Apr 25, 2021
Apr 25, 2021 at 4:38 PM UTC
I feel everything bubble up through my soul like carbon dioxide, filling up all the empty holes to the outside, and then I bleed, I bleed dramatically, I bleed emotionally, seeping emotions pour out of me. I am not normal I am a little more porous.
Apr 20, 2021
Apr 20, 2021 at 1:45 PM UTC