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50shadesofchaos
50shadesofchaos
M/50Shadesofchaos
But most of all, I am slowly learning how to just be in this moment. How to exist. How to understand that I cannot control life, that I can only experience it in both its light and its dark stages. I am slowly learning how to laugh and cry and feel through it all, how to welcome the confusion and the joy that come with loving and living and breaking. I am slowly learning how to accept where i am. I am slowly learning how to simply believe in the person I am becoming or the person that you have made me. - M
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Sep 2, 2022
Sep 2, 2022 at 7:44 AM UTC
Slowly Dying of Learning
And in the middle of my chaos, there was you. Now i am left with all these 50shadesofchaos :)
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Sep 2, 2022
Sep 2, 2022 at 7:43 AM UTC
50shadesofchaos
I didn’t unloved you overnight, I unloved you in bits of pieces overtime, Your ignorance destroyed me, I saw you intertwining happiness with somebody else, I saw you slowly drifting away, I saw you unloving me, I saw you killing the happy me, I did my best to still stay by your side but you pushed me away. So there’s a limit to everything. I grew a new skin that you could never touch, A new heart that you could never break, And a new soul that you could never corrupt. This is how I unloved you. Slowly, painfully but with no regrets. - M
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Sep 2, 2022
Sep 2, 2022 at 7:43 AM UTC
unloved you
Even though you broke me into 1000s of pieces shattered all over the garden of our love. I still with those 1000s pieces pray for your success for your happiness for you to have all the good things in life. You left without a goodbye. It was never meant to end like this. You still live in the silences between my thoughts.
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Jun 16, 2022
Jun 16, 2022 at 12:42 AM UTC
Unfulfilled Promises
It’s not always a relationship that makes you feel empty and sad sometimes it’s life that hits you hard and makes you realize that YOU ARE NOT DOING ENOUGH // not enough to make your small circle happy // not enough to pack a bag and roam freely // not enough to order a stacker // not enough to make ppl affiliated to you happy // not enough to smile from heart // not enough to waking up to a thought that everything is fine // not enough to make your heart feel that you did good // not enough to be able to fix everything // I feel I’m losing this all slowly // the way you talk, the gap between your words kills me every time just hold on please I promise I will fix this, I have to fix this to make every thing enough and make you happy for real ♥️ I’m trying to be strong and it’s hurting me more but I’ll be standing strong next to you and make you happy I promise.
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Mar 1, 2019
Mar 1, 2019 at 1:31 AM UTC
i'm not enough
overheard someone say: “you’re always one decision away from a total different life” . . . Let that sink in.
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Mar 1, 2019
Mar 1, 2019 at 1:20 AM UTC
different life
we spend a lifetime hoping for a better tomorrow without realising each day hoping is another day lost.
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Mar 1, 2019
Mar 1, 2019 at 1:13 AM UTC
another day lost
late at night laying on bed staring the ceiling as the cigarette's ash falls down tear rolls down from the eyes making me fall apart with the feeling of homesickness
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Feb 27, 2019
Feb 27, 2019 at 8:52 AM UTC
Homesickness
" I'm tired, - she said. - I'm tired of having to constantly pretend like there's no feelings inside. I'm tired of laughing at people who think I don't feel anything at all. In fact, I feel almost everything, and its so hard that suffocates my creature. It happens when someone slowly loses interest in me as if it were clouds that closed the sky during warm summer days. As if it were the colors that lose their brightest shades. I can feel my heart breaking when someone consistently and methodically points to the mistakes I have made, its like washing all the right things I've ever done in my life. Like if everything became meaningless and I need to start doing something so they all get proud of me again. I feel like stranger words hurt me, especially if the people who said it are the ones who used to be incredibly dear to me ". she looked down, on her hands, trying to calm down. She's not used to opening her heart to anyone. She's not used to talking about what she thinks. But for now, she knew it was the best thing she should do that it could ease her own burden that she wore a heavy load with her for too long. Slowly sighs, she added, "I just want you to know that even if people pretend to be a ******* black hole inside them, they will always be touching the chest, feeling the beating of their own heart". - can you really see me?
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Feb 27, 2019
Feb 27, 2019 at 8:51 AM UTC
i'm tired