it felt like home.
and i haven't
felt that in a while.
Sep 7, 2018
Sep 7, 2018 at 11:26 AM UTC
when i miss you
the longing makes a home under my skin.
drives pickaxes into my bones
and reminds the marrow
that i’ll never see you again
my skin crawls and my fingers grow cold
knowing i’ll never feel
the crepe-y skin
that felt like family
my nostrils burn
knowing they’ll never smell your scent
j’adore mixed with a little bit of menthol
your presence promised me a home
as long as the stove was burning
and there were people to gather around
the table at dinner
loneliness takes shelter
and wraps its spidery hands
around my vocal cords
insecurity whispers
into my ears
that it won’t be the same without you
that i’ll never feel okay without you
that i’ll never feel whole without you
as if going to church everyday and thinking of your steady voice and fervent Hail Marys weren’t enough to break me.
as if hearing the crack of peppercorns before dinner time wasn’t enough to bring me to my knees.
as if shards of ice don’t stab my heart when i hear the jingle of gold bangles on thing wrists
as if jealousy and rage doesn’t consume me everytime i see an old woman knowing that it’ll never be my Nana on the other side.
i see the farmer’s market and i hear you asking when the next time we’re going grocery shopping is.
i see a tablecloth and i see bright eyes alive with the thought of throwing a party.
i see a word search and i see the stains you left on the comforter when you forgot to cap your highlighter.
the worst part is,
is that i can still feel you
i can still feel the warmth of your hugs
i can still feel the mark you left on my heart
there’s no emptiness.
just constraint.
everything is just too much
knowing that
it’ll be a long time
before i can come home to you.
Sep 1, 2018
Sep 1, 2018 at 7:11 AM UTC
5.30.2018 // 22:48
-
u
got
big
storms
coming
bihhh
miss
me
wid
that
bullsh!t
- a grown ***** <3
May 30, 2018
May 30, 2018 at 10:50 PM UTC
i've come to stop believing in love
and that's why i've stopped writing
poetry.
i've never been one for fantasy anyway.
Dec 27, 2016
Dec 27, 2016 at 11:36 PM UTC
when the ache of
you gone
is all consuming
i buy a pack of cigarettes
a new lighter
(i've never smoked before)
and walk around the city
i go to a cornerstone for
a bottle of coke
(sugar makes me sick)
and do all the things you do.
Nov 13, 2016
Nov 13, 2016 at 4:54 PM UTC
i remember what you looked like
when you told me
everything was okay
Nov 2, 2016
Nov 2, 2016 at 4:53 AM UTC
distance makes the heart grow fonder
i suppose that's right
it's easy to love you
from an arm's arm's distance
and reminisce of the good times
and forget the bad.
i'm glad i'm gone,
now i can truly appreciate you.
Oct 6, 2016
Oct 6, 2016 at 12:48 AM UTC
i regret to inform you
that i am very aware of
my existence
Aug 3, 2016
Aug 3, 2016 at 9:48 PM UTC