25sunflowers - Hello Poetry

Well, she almost looks like me but her eyes are for everyone to see. They don’t burrow deep in shame, on her tongue, she freely smiles our name. You stole my own reflection from me. I can’t even reach to her to see. Her boldly touching the hands of others, instead of shivering in the shadow of lovers. My true reflection is covered in gold from cuts and burns I’ve been too scared to hold. Her smile wavers the longer you stare. But isn’t it beautiful that her smile is there?

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Apr 5, 2020

Apr 5, 2020 at 6:29 PM UTC

25sunflowers

My reflection

Well, she almost looks like me but her eyes are for everyone to see. They don’t burrow deep in shame, on her tongue, she freely smiles our name. You stole my own reflection from me. I can’t even reach to her to see. Her boldly touching the hands of others, instead of shivering in the shadow of lovers. My true reflection is covered in gold from cuts and burns I’ve been too scared to hold. Her smile wavers the longer you stare. But isn’t it beautiful that her smile is there?

13

Have you ever felt water so hot it feels cold? That’s what it feels like to be me. The momentary pinch of ice on the tip of your thumb. As soon as it’s felt it’s gone. But you know it’s not real, the water is hot. You turned the tap on yourself. It danced on your finger, almost teasing your skin, its feet gingerly tapped along. Maybe we come so far in healing that we end up in the same place as before. I may walk in circles but I refuse to be lost.

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Mar 25, 2020

Mar 25, 2020 at 6:48 PM UTC

25sunflowers

I may walk in circles

Have you ever felt water so hot it feels cold? That’s what it feels like to be me. The momentary pinch of ice on the tip of your thumb. As soon as it’s felt it’s gone. But you know it’s not real, the water is hot. You turned the tap on yourself. It danced on your finger, almost teasing your skin, its feet gingerly tapped along. Maybe we come so far in healing that we end up in the same place as before. I may walk in circles but I refuse to be lost.

3

Don’t lure me into the darkness If you’re going to cut the ropes in the corridors. I tried to walk to your heart beat but I couldn’t keep up. Until the beat stopped.

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Jul 11, 2019

Jul 11, 2019 at 6:17 PM UTC

25sunflowers

Don’t lure me into the darkness

Don’t lure me into the darkness If you’re going to cut the ropes in the corridors. I tried to walk to your heart beat but I couldn’t keep up. Until the beat stopped.

4

Dreams you want to sell me. Drop out of your mannequin mouth like ash, crushed on the floor. I’d show you fear in a handful of dust but you could never fear empty words.

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Jul 11, 2019

Jul 11, 2019 at 6:16 PM UTC

25sunflowers

Dreams

Dreams you want to sell me. Drop out of your mannequin mouth like ash, crushed on the floor. I’d show you fear in a handful of dust but you could never fear empty words.

4

Do I spin on this wheel of fortune forever? Offering slices of my heart like a bake sale. Or should I look at you with glass eyes? The world is full of dormant men who love the emptiness of women. A vacant place behind her eyes that says I’m no longer here. I had to pack and retreat long ago because I’m too scared. I’m scared of you. I’m scared your hands are too rough to reach into my chest. Your hands are fickle. No fingerprints. I’d say I miss you but a man without fingerprints can’t leave a mark.

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Jun 26, 2019

Jun 26, 2019 at 4:54 PM UTC

25sunflowers

To the men without fingerprints

Do I spin on this wheel of fortune forever? Offering slices of my heart like a bake sale. Or should I look at you with glass eyes? The world is full of dormant men who love the emptiness of women. A vacant place behind her eyes that says I’m no longer here. I had to pack and retreat long ago because I’m too scared. I’m scared of you. I’m scared your hands are too rough to reach into my chest. Your hands are fickle. No fingerprints. I’d say I miss you but a man without fingerprints can’t leave a mark.

1

Image of me that’s not me with my name at the top. She passes it over. This belongs to you, take it and put it in your pocket, make sure it’s handy and clear to see, this beautiful ticket scribed in gold, comfort laid on thick like jam. When an uncomfortable gaze notices the bruise on your neck or the darkness in your eyes. Or the cadaver between your legs.

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May 6, 2019

May 6, 2019 at 1:34 PM UTC

25sunflowers

An explanation for my behaviour

Image of me that’s not me with my name at the top. She passes it over. This belongs to you, take it and put it in your pocket, make sure it’s handy and clear to see, this beautiful ticket scribed in gold, comfort laid on thick like jam. When an uncomfortable gaze notices the bruise on your neck or the darkness in your eyes. Or the cadaver between your legs.

3

I’ve earnt my purity. Eternally safe at night from fingers in the dark. Please don’t look at me like that. I know what you’re thinking and No. I don’t have ******* Or lips. Eternally clean.

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Mar 19, 2019

Mar 19, 2019 at 6:05 PM UTC

25sunflowers

Eternally Clean

I’ve earnt my purity. Eternally safe at night from fingers in the dark. Please don’t look at me like that. I know what you’re thinking and No. I don’t have ******* Or lips. Eternally clean.

8

If you gave me 25 sunflowers I’d rip out each petal to see it bare. Without your fingertips on it and your smile. Run my fingers around its edges exposed to the world. I dream to be that sunflower.

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Mar 19, 2019

Mar 19, 2019 at 5:54 PM UTC

25sunflowers

25 sunflowers

If you gave me 25 sunflowers I’d rip out each petal to see it bare. Without your fingertips on it and your smile. Run my fingers around its edges exposed to the world. I dream to be that sunflower.

5

I stand on naked promises that follow vague feelings, Half considered, half poured over. Irritation that rubs raw, chaffing against who you are. Your fingers are pinned down. Imprinting on the mattress. It screams out to others: this is where it happened. Where sour dreams poured down your neck, caressing the skin, it said “I love you, please don’t ever leave, look how close we are”, half dreaming in my closet nightmare. I pick open my skin years later and find the stubble of your hands all over me. Pricking up through skin, I pluck them out. Pull up the root and rid myself forever. I feel your breath grunt with each one.

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Mar 19, 2019

Mar 19, 2019 at 4:26 PM UTC

25sunflowers

Naked promises

I stand on naked promises that follow vague feelings, Half considered, half poured over. Irritation that rubs raw, chaffing against who you are. Your fingers are pinned down. Imprinting on the mattress. It screams out to others: this is where it happened. Where sour dreams poured down your neck, caressing the skin, it said “I love you, please don’t ever leave, look how close we are”, half dreaming in my closet nightmare. I pick open my skin years later and find the stubble of your hands all over me. Pricking up through skin, I pluck them out. Pull up the root and rid myself forever. I feel your breath grunt with each one.

13

I became a refugee in your haven. Believing my feet When they ran to you. A thick velvet coat, Too beautiful to see through Wrapped itself across my neck And in your man made dark The light inside you died. (So you stole mine) To see your own fingertips underneath. You draped it over me, But it didn’t belong to me You’d like to think the light was ours. We both breathed it in, Two mouths, Singing in the light, Smiling to each other, Always together, Screaming, together. But could you hear it? Did you want to? I lived in your darkness. Set up a home. Pots, pans, bed sheets Fumbling around, making a mess Until I forgot that day When you draped it over my shoulders And instead recalled Buying it Checking the price tag, Sinking down to you Down to me.

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Mar 19, 2019

Mar 19, 2019 at 4:06 PM UTC

25sunflowers

Why I stayed

I became a refugee in your haven. Believing my feet When they ran to you. A thick velvet coat, Too beautiful to see through Wrapped itself across my neck And in your man made dark The light inside you died. (So you stole mine) To see your own fingertips underneath. You draped it over me, But it didn’t belong to me You’d like to think the light was ours. We both breathed it in, Two mouths, Singing in the light, Smiling to each other, Always together, Screaming, together. But could you hear it? Did you want to? I lived in your darkness. Set up a home. Pots, pans, bed sheets Fumbling around, making a mess Until I forgot that day When you draped it over my shoulders And instead recalled Buying it Checking the price tag, Sinking down to you Down to me.

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