I tend to focus on the dread, the darkness,
On Death, the dead, the daring, the dauntless,
The doomed, the ******, the sad and depressing,
The dim, the duped, the drones and distressing.
When it's overwhelming and I feel the world will eat me,
That's when I realize that I wasn't seeing clearly,
The world is pretty messed up,
Sure, that part is true,
But there's lots of positivity and amazing things to do.
You can crack a joke, then a smile, pass it along,
You can share some stories, share some forties and a song,
Make some memories, make new friends and live with purpose.
You need to find a goal in life, and devote to living for this,
Whether it's start a family or change a life or change the world.
you can start today by spreading love through joy and words.

Live to the fullest every day
And every day will be your truest.

I thought you'd live forever if I wrote you in these pages.
But nothings forever, nothing can live for many ages.
Pencil can be erased.
Stone crumbles to dust.
Ink can fade away.
Metals are doomed to rust.
It seems the only way, to keep your soul alive,
Is to keep you in our hearts, and never let it die.

Lately, my nights are days,
Following rays of moonlight,
A stray wandering, wondering
if I can do right.
Searching a place for rest,
A mess inside consumed.
Every night I'm crying out,
Howling at the moon.

... yet it falls on deaf ears,
I feel and fear that death nears,
I hear it's sneers and blood smears,
But maybe I'm crazy,
Amazing how our minds works,
Cuz i swear i catch your scent or see your face or hear your kind words.

Deep sleep eludes me,
so dreams are even rarer,
My heart has grown so heavy,
My hairs are getting grayer.

Lost in thought,
it's 8 a.m.
Calm me,
lunar requiem.

And here's my elegy, elegantly written,
Barely fitting, in these pages,
I'm sitting on my hopes,
and dwelling on my notes,
My back's against the ropes,
my thoughts are bursting out of me,
half cowardly,
I tremble as I move,
I'm shaking in my boots,
Replaying in my head,
feels like forever losing you,
Stuck in a place like a hamster in a wheel,
Until sick is all I feel,
Avoid thinking just to deal,
I keep on spiraling til I'm getting nowhere quick like that hamster and its steel,
Caged within these thoughts,
My prison is my cross,
The sickness is the cure,
No wonder I feel lost.

This is the longest winter,
time slowed to a crawl,
I guess it is ironic, you passed away in early fall.

We throw words around like rice on wedding days,
Without realizing we don't really mean what we say.
Okay, I mean, tell me, what the hell's a love/hate relation??
You can't love someone AND hate them,
That's a twisted perception,
A misinterpretation, of what these words both mean,
You can't choose to use these at your leisure, to fit in your scheme.
That's not the way it works,
Look at the true definition,
And you'll see that these are opposites,
two different positions.
These both get thrown about, without real caution or thought.
This world could use less hate,
but is in need of more love.

Time heals all, a sad misconception.
Considering I always see your face in reflections.
It's never easy, when I see your face mixed with mine.
It's like the mirror constantly reminds
me of a time,
When I could smile more with ease,
No sign of a struggle,
Nowadays, I do it just to please,
what a bother.
And it's exhausting, so when I really stop and I think.
All I can bring myself to do is bleed out in ink.

Your face is etched in my mind,
And I hold it so dear.
So much so, that no photo of you is more clear.
Because a photo is still,
But in my mind, you're alive
So if I'm ever feeling ill,
I think of you to survive.
But the ugly truth is that you'll forever sleep.
But part of you is with me in the necklace I keep.
Cuz in it are the ashes of a beautiful soul,
So I can't help it when I think of you now and weep.
And if this poem's too deep,
I give no sorry or plea,
Cuz, see, maybe then you'll get a glimpse of life now for me.

I kept two of your caps,
Out of sadness, perhaps,
Whenever I try them on,
a rain falls down on my lap.

One hat you wore last when,
you blew the candles of the cake,
Of your very last birthday, the thought alone makes me break.
But the other is much worse,
I swear I write this while crying,
Because the other hat,
is the same one that you died in.

My hand has never felt this heavy.
I can barely hold the pen up.
Even as I write this, i don't know where it will end up.
But I fear it won't be good enough.
No matter what I write down.
Nothing could rightly express these thoughts, feelings, and my heart sounds,
Sad and broken, daily hurting,
Haunted nightly by these demons.
I've wasted countless hours with hypothetical ******* reasons,
And nothing seems to make sense.
And nothing seems to matter.
Nothing seems to get better,
No 'happy ever afters'.
Life is much more cruel.
The pain's almost too much.
If a heart gets broken, time will heal it,
There's no safe crutch.

No words could truly ever express,
or pay respects
but I swear I'll always try my best
To keep you in my memories.
Which is ironic, since you died in an infiniti.
I'll keep you in my heart and soul and hope this brings tranquility.