Right Back Where We StartedI thought I knew what I wanted when I came here. I think that’s how most people think anyway. They have this idea in their minds of who they want to be and it’s exciting and hopeful. I’ve always had trouble with my identity. I was a rambunctious little girl to an angst full teen to a raging selfish bitch to an emotional wreck to a human and then to a planet. And that’s where we stand right now. / I’ve had such the identity crisis that I honestly believe that I gave up being a human being and settled on being a planet. Far, cold, distant, and lonely. Pretty accurate. But coming here I wanted to try to be a human again. I missed it, honestly. I wanted to feel something more than just ice in my core and a fabricated warmth on the outside. So, I tried again. I tried to be human again. And I let whatever that means in – people, life, hurt, pain, happiness etc. And for a while it worked. There was, of course, a lot of feeling. And when I say that I mean crying. Like so fucking much. But I still let things in that I haven’t let in for a very, very, VERY, long time. I let life give me back my fucking insane emotions, I let them in, I let her in, and him in. I let him in. / But I realized that what I thought I wanted is not what I really want. It’s not what I need. It’s fucking nothing. I tried, I really fucking tried, to become normal again. To be HUMAN again. And it wasn’t worth it. In the end it just made me feel like I was being used, like there is this lie everyone knows but no one speaks of. IT’S LIKE EVERYONE IS IN ON IT. And I thought I could ignore it, I thought I could push it to the back of my mind and hope that God loves me and everything would be okay.
The Burden of Being a PlanetI am a girl that calls herself a planet. / I do this because I look around and I see that I don't belong. I first thought it was the world that was different, but as I grow older I see that it is I that differs. The things I like are deemed weird. I speak with blunt force and honesty- but in this society that is looked down upon. I am not what beautiful is defined to be. In fact, I'm the exact opposite. So, I choose not to be seen. / Yet, I want to be wanted. Though being wanted is unattainable for a planet like me. I have a house, but not a home. I have parents and siblings, but not a family. I have people to talk to, but not friends. I am alone. It's not that I feel too small for this world, it is that I feel too big. I'm not good around people. So, I must be alone for the better of society. And I'm afraid, that I will be alone for the rest of my life.