danessa-jutbaWhisper

Filipino

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Pathology of an Ischemic LoveIschemia – the imbalance between the supply and demand of the heart for oxygenated blood. I thought it was as simple as that, but then you came and made me realize there’s a much deleterious underlying condition to it. / The risk factors for this insufficiency took various forms. Calls were left unreturned. Conversations felt dry and passive. Some plans got cancelled over minor reasons, and then arguments became too dragging to argue over. These contributed to the gradual progression and development of an irreversible process – the decreased perfusion of feelings towards one another. In more than 90% of cases, the disorder had only become clinically evident in chronic conditions, once a tally of misunderstandings outweighed the hope of having any of it substantially resolved. / The pathogenesis was an unending blame game. Initially, there was a sudden severe narrowing or closure of the large vessels. It happened to you, to us, when a plaque existed, and our relationship went atherosclerotic. You grew narrow-minded; I became hard-headed. The excessive build up of plaque caused clogging, and it blocked your thoughts into meeting mine. That’s why we argued. A lot. And it made the diagnosis incurable. You said I had an increased demand for your time and effort, that I asked more of which you could possibly give. I, on the other hand, have claimed that it rooted from your diminished passion-carrying component. Roses, chocolates, and balloons became a compensatory mechanism for the lapses you’ve done. Until I have accustomed myself in looking at these supposedly “romantic things” as variables of pain, conflict and broken promises. I never wanted that. But I grew bitter. And you are largely responsible for my stenotic ideations of true love. The kind which loves you back when every word sends a positive chronotropic and inotropic effect? Nah, it does not exist. For now.

45

May 5, 2018

Love at first illusionI have never looked at someone and said to myself, "He's the one." At least, not until I met you. / It was scary. The thought dawned to me in an unprecedented manner. There were no precautions. But I remember sitting in a slightly crammed convenience store on a hot Thursday afternoon. My mood was a bit tipped over, what with the lack of sleep and the surge of patients at the Emergency Room the night prior. But I waited for you there. Because we both wanted to fill our stomachs with something it could churn on. And when you sat there in front of me, no my heart didn't skip a beat. Instead, even more frightening is that, I felt time slow down. / I can still remember clearly to this day how your eyes glowed as you watched the cars pass by from the window. And when you were about to meet my gaze, I pretended to be exhausted, so I threw myself across the table for a quick nap. There our elbows touched. And it was that moment that I felt anxious of your presence near me. Why am I afraid of you, I asked myself. I mean, I just met you.

64

Apr 27, 2018

ClueThe reality I have to bear / is that there's nothing I can do / But keep to myself all affairs

29

Oct 29, 2014

BuddyAs much as I wanted to rule the Candy Kingdom, / My hair is not pink, nor is it a bubblegum. / And when I sought to live in another dimension,

17

Oct 27, 2014

DehydratedYour lips -dry, / Same as how our conversations went. / All lacking basis,

19

Oct 8, 2014

Lovely RuinsIt was January when I wished to have an adventure / Like climbing a mountain; just being one with nature / But you seemed disinterested. You didn't make plans with me.

49

Apr 23, 2014

FearfulI woke with my lips beneath your fingers / As you traced the outline of a kiss. / You drew me closer, and then whispered

12

Feb 8, 2014

DefenselessI wanted to speak with this little voice / to defend myself from having sinned. / Each word would then seek to destroy

8

Jan 7, 2014

DenialLook at the soft sad shape of her lips, / how she screams from the inside / as she only gave off a sigh.

15

Oct 28, 2013

Chatbox"Hello, care to chat?" / We had no mutual friends. / Turn chat offline.

46

Oct 27, 2013

Hello PoetryVoting