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Z Mar 2013
what do people get,
by being so ******* honest?
it's not like i ever do the right
thing,
i just fight
things,
and re-write
things,
until they become
haunt me at night,
things.
and i say
things,
and replay
things
that don't need to be replayed.
but the night
brings
all these out of sight
things,
that i can't seem to find during the day.
Z Feb 2013
"i'm not going anywhere, kid",
you told me,
more times then i can count.
so tell me please,
how you can walk past me now,
and not meet my eyes,
and not smile in my direction,
and not run over to me,
and throw your arms around me,
like you have so many times before.
tell me how,
you can walk straight past me,
and look the other way,
as i stand in stunned silence,
wondering how,
after every time i've let you come back,
it's so easy for you,
to walk away again.
but i'll keep standing here,
for you.
Z Feb 2013
"i don't love her like that",
you told me,
sometime last summer.
and i didn't say anything.
i just sat there in the dark,
waiting for you to continue,
because i knew you would.
"i love her", you said,
"but i love you too."
i cringed at the words,
as they seemed in though my pores,
into my blood,
and coursed through my body.
even then,
they were a lie.
i knew how you felt,
about her.
what i didn't know was how hard it would be,
to accept it.
Z Feb 2013
"i don't like eye contact",
you told me,
somewhere around the very first time we talked.
"what are you afraid of?" i asked you,
because that was my first thought.
you never really answered,
and i never really pushed you too,
but now..i wish i had.
i wish i had asked,
again and again,
the who,
the why,
the what,
the where,
the how.
but, i never did.
and maybe that was my first mistake.
Z Feb 2013
"i don't like eye contact",
you told me,
somewhere around the very first time we talked.
"what are you afraid of?" i asked you,
because that was my first thought.
you never really answered,
and i never really pushed you too,
but now..i wish i had.
i wish i had asked,
again and again,
the who,
the why,
the what,
the where,
the how.
but, i never did.
and maybe that was my first mistake.
Z Jan 2013
Z.
i think there's a person,
who lives inside of me,
a person who i've never met,
a person i call Z.

and when I am feeling happy,
like nothing can go wrong,
this other person who lives in me,
decides to come along.

Z takes my happy thoughts,
and throws them on the ground,
and when i try to sleep at night,
Z spins my mind around.

if i am having normal dreams,
of planes, and rain and things,
scary night-time monsters
is what dear Z will bring.

many people tell me,
how to fix myself,
they want me to take my issues,
and store them on a shelf.

the doctors all tell me,
the same thing, over and over again,
just pop a pill,
and take a spill,
into a place where there's no pain.

and then dear Z, he hides away,
in a place solitary, and confined,
instead of finding his way out,
he hides inside my mind.

until i'm fine,
and the doctors say,
to stop the pills,
i'll be okay.

but then here comes dear Z again,
he shows up at my door,
the minute i pull myself out of the haze of drugs,
he twists my mind once more.

you see the pills,
with all their thrills,
cannot get rid of Z,
for they don't know,
that despite the odds,
Z is really me.
they tell me its depression, but i think it's just my mind.
Z Jan 2013
you know what i hate,
more than i should?
i hate when you text me,
when i start feeling good.
i hate when i'm happy,
and i'm on a high,
and instead of hello,
you give me goodbye.
i hate how you look,
with your hair in your eyes,
and i hate how i get,
that moment of surprise.
when i see your name,
though situations have changed,
the feelings remain.
it all feels the same.
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