.................................................................­....................
Well...
I am still managing to keep my nose above the tide,
but making music is still no way to make a living.
The book is still nowhere near being finished &
my hands are black with ink.
I am so beautifully lonesome
that I don't know whether to cry
with joy or sorrow.
Yes, I know that you're in town,
& yes, I know that you still don't want to see me.
I understand, it's fine.
I will call you when you're rich & successful
& I need to borrow money.
Just like we planned.

Gonna get a job sorting mail
like Bukowski,
Go to Paris, & write a book.
I'm such a ******* cliche.

How are things your end?

Love,

E. L

I read his poetry like Bukowski
religiously
I spent time drinking and *******

in protest to the aching inside of me
raking through old poems was easier
than writing new ones about the life
I was throwing away, because the
heartbreak was nothing but a wedge
drivingmeclosertothemistakesand
even further from the                       writing

I read his poems like I drink coffee
every morning
that I'm not feeling sick to my stomach
and I choke him down to spit him out
no longer masked or guarded
sparing courtesies
because the mysteries
weren't as mystical
as all the fantasies
used to be saying
it's good to look
and it's a privilege to touch

these lips ache in your absence
yet I haven't learned enough

is there a tiny
           little bird house
                      inside
          that when the door
                   is opened
a Bukowski blue bird
                 howls its displeasure
     tiny little bird house
                     prison
     it's rough in there

A tepid tempest in a teapot.
A puerile pursuit
of personal perspective.
Corporate censorship?
A first amendment attack?

Times-Standard?
Really?
One letter kills a comic?
Or is it an overlord order?

Artist assassination it is.
Artist with his tools powerful
Pen nib and India ink; his
Semi-automatic pistol pen

Reminder:
1st comes before the 2nd.
Mr. Rogers: "Amendment?
Can you say that?
Amendment?”

Do you think you can
take that tool from the artist but
keep large capacity clips legal?
Censor artistic license?
It’s a minority report!

Let’s go to the semiotic
Shooting range:

There’s rap.
You know, rap?
Music?
What our ******* kids
are ******* listening to?

Bukowski shoots “****” from
His lethal snub nose poems
When he needs
to make a point

David Mamet sprays “*****"
with his literary machine gun
In his plays made into movies
that you have watched.
And enjoyed.

Even Shakespeare got away with:
“You starvelling, you eel-skin, you dried neat’s-tongue, you bull’s-pizzle, you stock-fish–O for breath to utter what is like thee!-you tailor’s-yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing tuck!”

Meanwhile:

Trump shoots full fallacies
As a spray of stinging tweets
Disregarding both amendments
While hobbling the press

Different weapon that;
Smoke-screen screams
Tangled web of
Fabricated news skeins

An Internet search showed me that it was a monk that first scribbled the word “****” in the margins of a text on moral conduct as an opinion about an another abbot. In other words, an editorial.

It was the wile and guile of Wylie
to pay homage to
this historical reference.

Let’s remember to keep the amendments in their proper order:
First one then two.

Artists hide messages in
artifacts.
It’s what they do;
we expect that of them—
we don’t want them to
throw away
their shot.

I hope some of this makes sense
to some of you
fans of amendment one.
If not, I guess it was a
Non Sequitur.

(Thank you Wiley Miller for your beautifully drawn and artistically constructed comic strips that had a
Line A (family plot line)
Line B (Noreastern bar humor)
Line C, D, and Etc always
With sly custom commentary.

Censored.
Removed.
Wrong.
**** that!
**** Trump!

There.
I said it.

It's the strangest
thing.
All my senses are
alive, ablaze with
ultra keenness.
My brain is
sweetly burned,
and my eyes are
on fire.

I can taste the
cotton candy clouds,
snd the cab that
I'm riding in smells
of coconut and
honeysuckle.

Those ravens have
mustaches like Poe,
and those raccoons
look just like
Bukowski.
I hear an Opera by
Wagner in the wind,
and my footsteps sound
like the very
pulse of life

It's been a long and strange trip. but don't fret - it isn't yet at the end point. I've always loved the morning, but I'm far from a morning person. Which seems pretty symbolic to me, but I'm an English major so it's kind of my job to be overly analytic. The hardest part about growing up is keeping track of who you are, and trying to figure out if who you are going to be matches with who you want to be. The smell old Bukowski's ashtray clings to my clothes. and everything that I don't have the courage to say out loud can be seen in my eyes and the lines of my face. And I know this will sound absolutely ******* ridiculous - but in modern society it's hard to be a man. gone are the days of Clint Eastwood kicking *** and taking names. All we have now are morons and ****** bags. I read somewhere that we are the quitting generation, and that ****** me off. Because the faults of the current generation are always due to the previous generation. But people are ******* by nature who can't take responsibility when their plants begin to wilt. And my Dad quit on me - not the other way around. And I know that this probably isn't fun to read - but frankly I don't give a ****. This isn't something which is going to be published - more so some much needed venting space. And I'm trying to figure out how to bring this thick wall of rambling text to an end, but endings don't really exist. Just unknown places which can not be followed. so instead of assaulting your eyes and your poetic sensibilities for another ten lines I will say this: If you read this and didn't immediately think of killing me or yourself, then thank you. If you did, then feel free to pretend I never had the gall to write such an ugly, boring, self-indulgent piece. And I hope you all have a nice a day

I'd like to be
Bukowski today,
I'd like
to get a good **** in
before
dusk,
and a good drink in
at some point,
I've wanted some Wild Turkey
more than anything.

A good ****
when done right
without
the spring-loaded
traps of love,
just *******
until your body swells,
can make you come
for days,
and a good drink
is good for washing out
sadness as it pukes dramamine
in your stomach,
and Bukowski for a day
would be a lemon.

This is pretentious
as ****. I am a
pretentious ****.

Smack!

**** you!

Why was I "born into this"?

She doesn't understand her
biology.
Her need for extra attention.
Her desire to
chirp and meow
constantly, and raise her
**** in the air.

She gazes out the
window with
longing in her
golden eyes.
Her calls through the
screen bring no
visitors.
Little lonely orphan.

She sits with me while
I write at my large
maple desk.
She swats at the
purple orchid.
It drives her batty.
I've been there.
Lost in the
smell and taste of
flowers.
She wanders over to
the Starry Night
painting and looks
dizzy at the sky.
She lifts her **** in
the air and stutter steps
rapidly with her
back paws.

When I got her and
her sister, I thought they
had *****.
I named him (her)
Bukowski.
She comes to the
name
and seems to like it.
Pray for me.
Buk's in heat.

https://instagram.com/p/BAkux4WwJSn/

I've never read poems by other poets the way I read Bukowski's poetry
His legacy feeds my intense hunger for something other than what I know

And

It is worth my dollar
to learn more of what he thought
about the rigmarole of life, humans and ***.

It seems like these
Girls they got
These thing
Going

Right breaks
Lines
Like flowing
Thigh
Crushing us into points on a dot into internet bliss

****** by ****** ******* ******
Their. I's dotted miss. That no soul lies on the internet. It's not a bed to rest in.
It's a pit of battle. Boasting
In front of Ginsy
And Kowski
Don't just string words
Or you'll be like me trying to make the first *** shot on the world.

Grow a real root. Though it's hard. "I know" suburbia and such.
Calm down.
Don't ******* chive.
Grow a plant. Do something real.
Real guys are there. They are my friends. You don't have to be on this cite to make me feel cited. Just ask.
Go to English class and learn to hate poetry. Then re discover after you found out you're stupid. 'Cept you Quinn.
Then invent a new love.
It's you.
**** dudes.
Girls are so much more than Ginsberg ever said and less than Bukowski never did

he read Brautigan
and thus would say all this is juvenile
and not real
he was real in a ***** brown sweater he wore
every day I knew him that smelled like menthols
and sweat and dope (he called it dope
sometimes because Bukowski did and he
read Bukowski too)

of course
he was real in his Catholic school
sports coat and fresh face once
without the 5-day beard he took to
wearing as a ******* to the system and other
real things like that which he sang
about on his guitar with a hole
in the bottom

the one he found in a
second hand store just like he always dreamed
he would and they would make sweet sad
music (that high and lonesome sound)
together forever he wrote his
poems to the tune of its steel strings
when he would sit at home at night and get
high and lonesome too

and so would I
because he thought I was ugly but didn't know
how to say it so he let me tag along for a few years
and let me sing in my off key death rattle
and lent me Brautigan and Bukowski
so I could know what was real and not real
but I didn’t learn my lesson so well

now did I?

Three bottles in
after a day of the same ****.

Can I compose a poem?
I doubt it.

Maybe another drink will help
then I can be like Bukowski
who has seen more style in dogs
than in men.

Well he isn't wrong is he?

I go to work
to listen to same old tales
of how his wife
keeps falling down
how there's another gun show
this weekend
how this week the diet
is gonna begin
how this company is sinkin'.

And I agree
it's all going to the bottom
of the dark sea
and for some reason
this thought makes me
happy.

he's down for the count
face marred by age
or misery(though no difference)
he sits alone at the bar
alone
for now,
he remembers -
find a 50 dollar ***** tonight.

worth 50? Hell,
he'll give you a hundred
(call it compensation - emotional distress)
because money is dirt
that **** means nothing

life is poverty
when madness is wasted.

"Christ," she said
"you're useless," she said,
"I'm old," he snarls,
"we're all ruined."
he chugs and chugs
to burn and burn
all great men rage.

he crawls to his death bed

and dreams a beautiful dream that God,
or someone,
would save him.

Hey Bukowski,
You know the poem you wrote?
About wanting to be a writer?
How if it doesn't spill
From your guts,
Then don't do it?
Well, *******!

Not all us
Poets are street-corner
Prophets spewing in lyrical tongues,
Made of alliterations and metaphors.

For some, the poem
Is agonizing.
A slow-burn cancer,
That eats at our minds, our souls
Seeping out the walls.

It doesn't burst forth like some jail break;
More like that guy, from the movie with Morgan Freeman,
Who crawls through miles of ****
Just to get to freedom.

My poems may look
And smell
Like ****;

It may have taken them a while
To crawl to freedom.
But they did.

no. poetry can be swirling
across the keyboard like a Rachmaninov
order from chaos
no meaning or rhyme
no rhythm all the time
idolising Bukowski
ending abruptly

“I loved you like a man loves a woman he never touches, only writes to, keeps little photographs of.”*
Charles Bukowski

Her soft, elegant lips
Form a happy smile,
A sharp contrast with her moist eyes.
A magnificent ruin.
It was her impassioned spirit that led them through
As they hovered on tiptoe
Into uncharted waters.
Sooner enough,
Innocent affection flowered
Into overwhelming passion.
The candle of love was lit,
And as it flickered
He was able to look into her eyes,
Not deep inside,
But just enough to see a reflection of himself-
Look at me. What am I doing? Is this right?
With that same light
She was able to look in his heart
And see him as nothing
But an apostle of pleasure.

She forever drifted off into reverie
And when shaken up from it,
She got up to chase a mirage,
Pulling and tugging and urging him along too
But he only made token efforts to find it.
And it finally made sense-
Those many, many nights,
Where there were more drinks and less lights,
And the grey plume of smoke from his cigarette constantly rose up and clouded his vision,
He only saw the real him,
Never the real her.

Dear Ms. Di Prima,
I really,
Really,
Think that Alchemy—Alchemy--Al-Chem-EEEEE
Is a
Nifty
Topic.
But,
My mother has a ring
Of gold.
Standard Gold,
No lead. None.
Or had,
Until our house was
B-R-O / K-E / N
Into
By some lowlife scumbag with
Too much ability
And
Not enough intelligence.
With Alchemy
I could make a shitload
Of Gold (wasn't that the point?),
Provided I had the
Lead,
And not that
IMPOSTER
Crap in pencils (Graphite. My childhood was a shambles.).
But it's only valuable
Because
We're willing to pay so much.
Like with Diamonds.
Or Japanese Akita.
Or Wagyū.
It's not a lie.
Just a trick.
Making you think you want things that you don't need because it helps someone else who you've never met make more money than they'd ever be able to use in a legitimate way
                                   (HOOKERS AND BLOW).
All of these things are synthetic.
With the exceptions of
Gold
And
Graphite.
So,
       Maybe,
                      Alchemy did work out alright,
Just not in the anticipated way.
We can make all sorts of things.
But they become coveted only when they exist.
Just ask Swipey McStickyfingers.
It actually wasn't gold.
You just got a bunch of painted junk,
And passports.
No rubies.
We weren't international crooks,
Renowned and beloved
By jealous zealots.
It was purely sentimental.
But you can't understand.
You can't fondly look at the earrings as the last reminder of a deceased parent.
You can't flip through the identification booklet and be flooded with memories of your first trip out of the country.
You ******. You can't even cash the savings bonds that were bought to put someone through college.
No. He got a box of documents and some cheap jewelery.
But still. Probably called for celebration. A successful heist
Because his brain is still in his head.
                                                           ­     We create people as well as objects.
                                                   ­                                       Ms. Di Prima,
In the end,
      Some people will always be
     Clasping *******.

I think of You when I brush my teeth and comb my hair.
You used to dust off your boyfriends just as fast yet
Your hand still shakes less than mine.
The pact I made in eighth grade only destroyed one of us;
we were only trying to shake off the insults of elementary school.
My scars still laugh at me from under my slacks,
while You strut in bikinis during the summer months.
It all is based on what they say,
but not what I bother to tell them
I feel.
I will tell You;
             that my heart has been asleep for two centuries,
             my soul spends starless nights awake wishing for deeper meaning,
             my hands were caught replacing my Bible with my books of Byron and Bukowski
             the taste of pumpkin coffee rattles in my mouth
             and my voice has taken a vacation to the tropics
             while my skin sighs tears it does not possess.
            my heart is weeping for the one I cannot see
            and my chin trembles more than three times a week.
Yet when I chew on my rosemary leaves,
I will remember how You threw my things to the carpet.
I will remember how You meant it when you kissed me
and I will remember when You borrowed my romper,
two sizes too big,
and worked it harder than that psychology textbook You so despise.
And I will remember the moment
I knew I loved You.

we stayed inside that night
swishing cold drinks around with our tongues
letting it drown out the ringing we heard
and stop the sweat gathering between
our fingers

and you grabbed me playfullly
while i was sitting in the blue chair
i hope you remember
that

i stared at myself in the bathroom afterwards
later that night
standing there reciting bukowski
to my swollen eyes and
broken jaw

my lipstick was blending in with my
flushed cheeks
and i remember

you were going to kiss it entirely
off of me in one sitting
and i swear i was going to let you
until i started thinking about

my nylons ripping and my shyness
unmasking itself as some mental illness
and that stranger walking in and shouting
telling you there is a mountain to be climbing
and a song to be written and
a friend to be helping and you’re
trying with this girl?

she’s terrified of birds
just cause they have the capability
to do what she cannot
flee—
she wants yellow
but it’s dark green
needs pills to be civil
and wine to be social
she wants nights
not days

she just wants the rain
she wants the rain
the rain

and the rain

every single day

and you and i both know
we have no control
over the sun

i found myself reading
the words of Bukowski
as he describes a series
of meaningless moments
aspects of a journey
seemingly trifling
prosaic and unremarkable
in the manner recounted

a bus stops at a cafe
in the hills
lightly touched by
a newly-falling snow
of food and coffee
he says both were good
the waitress rare
the cook effervescent
the dishwasher commodious

as the snow swirls
beyond the window
he describes the scene
as beautiful but curious
certain it will forever
be beautiful in that way
he wished to stay
yet returned to the bus
nonetheless
when the driver beckoned

the other passengers
spoke or read or
tried to sleep
and none had noticed
the beauty of that moment
that something could be
so poignant to one
while being mundane
to others
is worth remembering
i guess

My mother should have been
worried
when I brought home
Stranger in a Strange Land
but
her missed clues came earlier
and by the time
"free love"
entered the picture...
she would have been too late.
(Good thing I'm not a hippie.)
After just a few years
of addiction
alcoholism...
and the seeds,
implant-ations,
brainwashing
of what could be considered
rehabilitation,
I still write better
(or feel better writing)
when I'm drinking.
Am I delusional
or, more appropriately,
falsely comforted
by
Kerouac
Thompson
and Bukowski's
literary longevity?
As loss, pain and loneliness
are fellows to the drunkard
the malady
may be
the muse.
What more irony
than that
the human condition,
and the consequences
of the self-focused
would lead
to the prosperity
of posterity?

I want to *******,
I want to rip your clothes off
and get all over you.
I want it, I need it
I crave for it.
I crave your body,
I crave for your breast
and your *******
and your ***.
I want to be below you,
and above you,
and inside you.
I need it more than I need wine
or some god
or Van Gogh
or Bukowski.
But I need you
more than I need your ***
because you’re a good woman
and I’m not so bad myself
when I’m with you.

Bukowski once said that there is no point in writing
If the words are not ready to burst from your skull
Wayward pilgrims demanding surcease at an altar of irreverence
Hoping to be spoken aloud
Birthed on thoughts from the pits of our soul
No, he didn’t say that last part
But they were clawing in the bone of my skull
Rending gaps that would pour my conscious mind free
Demolishing the hell that justifies heaven
If you asked me what paradise was,
I don’t think I would have an answer
It’s a world that is changing from day to day
Hardly the province of a sculptor’s hand
Forever unchanging in the veins of stone
Pulsing with meaning that only vision can carve
With infinite meanings in the myriad of views
We each walk away with something that’s just a little different
Like words that we share and speak with different tones
Just to change the flavor of meaning
Savoring the twist on the tips of our tongues
Owning the breath to sway the heart of dirt and stone
Competing for the love of every tree and upturned rock
Whispering our lust the leaves of autumn
Knowing that they will never rise back to the tree
But catching their rotting death in immortal ballads
This is how I imagine my paradise to be
Your silent presence ever creating the stone
Which my words will shape with the rough chisel of force
As I define the world that you crave
While never caring about what you deserve
These are the words that would fall
From every bleeding laceration on my used and tired heart
Bursting from my chest in time with a heart that would stop beating
Just to draw forth a tear
For the paradise I know I already have
But am too callous to appreciate
So I take a deep breath and continue
Walking down a path of dirt and stone
Careless of the footprints I leave
Disturbing nature with fetid pleasure
Don’t we all destroy what we love the most?