yes, of course I know your name
you're the girl who always dances
no matter who might be around
can't forget someone like you

you're the girl who always dances
around the house with a smile
can't forget someone like you
a beautiful body like yours, dancing

around the house with a smile
I imagined myself with you
a beautiful body like yours, dancing
writhing in ecstasy on my bed

I imagined myself with you
breathing your essence as you're
writhing in ecstasy on my bed
my roommate was the lucky fellow

breathing your essence as you're
laying wrapped inside his arms
my roommate was the lucky fellow
a treasure locked behind his door

laying wrapped inside his arms
you must have glistened like a gem
a treasure locked behind his door
kept hidden from my hungry eyes

you must have glistened like a gem
your lusciously pale skin forever
kept hidden from my hungry eyes
oh, how I long to hold and caress

your lusciously pale skin forever
no matter who might be around
oh, how I long to hold and caress
yes, of course I know your name

****** fist
splintered door
broken beer bottle
thrown across the room

                                                        ­        waking up
                                                          shoo­ting pains
                                                                 in my legs

top bunk
looking down
little brother
crying             screaming

                                                    ­        grandmother
                                             ­     cheerfully awakens

slurred shouting
incoherent orders&complaints;

                                           rhythmi­cally massages

mother’s petite body
shoved against the wall

                                                         i forget all pain
                                           & instead seep in stories

why am i not moving?

                                                     ­     of a childhood
                                                       ­ not so long ago

just watching
just watching

tear at this flesh
let it rip and bleed
how many cuts can fit
on a small girls arm
no one will know
is this strength
or do I just
succumb to weakness
feel the blood rush to the open
wound attempting to heal
the newest attack
this is the one sensation
that I know and I know it well

i slice wedges
and suddenly realize
i am not unlike
the tuber i'm cutting so
-maliciously-

this chunk of earthy flesh
takes many shapes&form;;
constantly changing
yetalwaysstill
a potato

a seed unto itself
ready to spread roots
wherever it may land

living in dark solitude
yet always reaching up
towards light-
towards life-

i find a hidden bad spot
and carefully [eradicate it]
such a good potato
should not go to waste

can’t look away from your eyes
your big beautiful lips shine and grow
every inch of skin is aching
Let me show you
hands explore curves
catch my breath
you watch every twitch and spasm
listen to every gasp and moan
But nothing more

we lay together
in the stale night air
i breathe deeply
afraid that if i’m not
making myself, it won’t happen
your legs open
i catch a glimpse of
shiny wet
and i’ve gotta make myself
breathe again

i’m laying here trembling
somewhere between yesterday
and tomorrow. between you
and what could be, what has been
my eager fingers crawl
quickly, achingly, expectantly
towards the inviting patch
of curly black hairs

you lay next to me naked
and warm. i place my palm
on your mound and focus
only on your heartbeat
i dip a finger inside
and breathe you in
a moment of perfect
clarity

i know what’s to come

I feel you scooting closer and closer to me
Your hand grazes my thigh
Your arm attempts to press against mine
With every movement you make towards me,
I slide further away from you
Feeling defeated, you start to roll away from me,
but quickly press your hand against my hip and whisper ‘sorry’
A flood of words and feelings come pouring out of my mouth
I can’t control them, am not really sure what’s going on
You quickly turn to face me, excitement
immediately melts from your face when you see my expression
After hours of explaining and apologizing and re-explaining
and switching sides and tucking truths safely behind our teeth
I finally get off the bed
and leave you
to face a bright, loud living room on my own.