if history repeats itself
i pray we aren't just another doomed love story

it's been two years
730 days
since you looked at me crying
on the verge of imploding
and threw your hands up in the air

you threw me up in the air
nobody left to catch me

so gravity took the reigns and i hit the ground
harder than i ever had before

but just like i've always done
i've continued to pick myself up
and i realized

i never needed you to save me from falling
because gravity is natural
and all i needed to get up
was myself

i saw you in my dreams again
i saw your instagram with yellowed film pictures
pictures of you and your family and your dog
and pictures of me
of us
together

i thought i was over you

this old house
creaks and groans
long past an unspecified expiration date

straining under pressures
it shouldn't have to bear
this old house should've collapsed a long time ago

there are times like these
i feel so lost
no beacon
no hope
where am i supposed to go?

i grew up
hating every inch
of myself

to this day
i find it hard to look
in the mirror

i don't know
how to fix myself
from here

i don't want to
be me
anymore

a year ago today, you left me
you sat there, at my darkest hour and decided
that i wasn't what you wanted anymore

i was naïve to believe in a forever for us
and even more so for thinking you'd save me from myself.

since then,
while i still feel a vacant spot in my heart
and in my soul,
i'm okay

even though i know you'll never call me again
i've grown to a point where if you came back to me,
i'd be just fine, without you.

you're not hard to let go of
but the memory of who i thought you were
is impossible to get off my mind

i search for you
little bits of your soul
like broken fragments
of sunlight shattered by a glass window

mismatched pieces
a little bit everywhere
you mean too much to me
and for what

i see you everywhere
in the words i write
in the sky at 12:03 pm
in the heat of a winter snowstorm

i feel so deeply for you
and all i ever see anymore
is you

i haven't seen you in 7 months yet you're always on my mind
you became the worst of my inner demons

out of nowhere
a magician pulled out
a beautiful bunch of flowers
and with a snap of a finger
it was gone