The voice I hear before I sleep really loves hindsight

I guess the waves can't
Warn the beach
Aside from the waves
Which have measurable patterns and habits
Silly people never pay attention

justice for former bloodshed

Though it really seems they could
A seemingly inevitable parallel
Always between what one deeply desires
And what awaits on the other side of that sharp and beautiful exhale

again and again and again and again?
****!
A comedic autobiography with tinges
nihilism Darwinism sandwiched w professionalism?
it really is stupid and oxymoronic

Are delusions any more tangible than fleeting confidence or a temporary motivation?
Contemplating I no longer have a grasp of what is tangible
The root of the void has been in-
Distracted by housewives.

it's thick and makes my head hurt
torn between sleeping it off knowing that never works
repeating feels like peeling slowly
the burning never gets easier
i can see myself spiraling
nobody should catch me
why do i hate spinning but don't put my feet down

you're new but feel so familiar
character you're named after, you're shocked i know the reference
i used to spend my days breaking in the spines of crisp new pages
I'd love to write a book
do I appear uneducated?
stellar gpa, i knew it wouldn't be important
but that is relative
my book and street smart have shifted balance
i'd take the charge
media rotting my brain in a way the magic tree house never did
books you can choose the ending
i lack the ability to think forward
stuck so vividly in the present, I prefer it to the past.
opening my eyes has become the turning of a page
it all ends and starts again, always. everything.
cover to cover in 24hr. where has my attention gone
a series of short circuits keep me afloat
i hope my stream flows somewhere beautiful
i do miss the mountains
why do I gravitate towards what feels familiar

yesterday's shift still aching in my bones
one more hour still isn't enough
unrequited energy, metaphysical
tumultuous intrusions echoing through my bones
home is an allusion to the beginning and end
feathering memories, a time capsule before you go
unconscious peace, finally good rest
lethargic upon wake, it will be indefinite.

the most painful band aid i've ever ripped
eye opening, too much so it hurts
i can't shut them again

i'll never see that darkness
birthdays won't be shocking
i deserve to age and experience

the release of a trauma bond
i can't help but see it everywhere around me
i see myself in everyone now

treated the worst, told you're the best.
they do the bare minimum
i pick up the rest
it's heavy.

support isn't selfish, who taught me that?
did my parents want me to be like them?
i won't feel miserable again.

they wanted a mommy, not a partner
my mommy married a man like him.
i never learned what love looked like
so i did whatever i could
took whatever i was gotten.

abuse
am i this worthless? should i quit?
no. not life. just him.

draw back the curtains, get burnt by the light
let the realizations heal my wounds
i'll never do that again.

oh spirit guides, i've learned this time.
i do not need this lesson again