If you ask me how I am doing
I will always reply,
"I am tired".
Every breath I take wastes the energy
I don't have.

I wake up in the mornings
With imaginary chains pulling me down
Into a comfortable wave of blankets,
Demanding I stay for a little while longer.

My eyelids don't get any heavier,
They get lonely.

They spend their nights kissing my cheeks,
And during the days they only get swift visits.

So I stay in my bed as long as I can to make them happy.
As the world goes on,
And I am here,
We seem to forget about each other,
And that makes me happy.

The anxiety they give me is being washed away
By the softness that surrounds me,
And I am not tired.

I am not wasting my energy on
Fake smiles,
Or talking
To people who don't know what is actually going on in my mind.

I stay in bed as long I can.
I was lonely anyways,
Atleast this way I can insure
A part of me
Would never be.

A quick, (not) painless way
To abandon all of your struggles.
An attempt to feel special, they say,
While in reality it's so much more.

They say only a coward would do it,
But i tried to take the life
Of the child i once were,
And the adult i could become.

When iam alone
I let myself believe
Just for a moment
That he misses me too
That maybe he thinks of me
When the sky turns soft
And the world slows down.

Bt it's not real
It's just me
Doing all the loving
In my thoughts.

It went quiet
Not because it gave up
Bt because it was saving me.

It felt too much
So it chose silence
Over shuttering.

It held the storm
Behind closed doors
So I could keep breathing.

It's not numb
Just protecting
What's still healing