I look in the mirror and I see her.
The person I don’t want to be anyone.
The person who I wish will disappear for good.
I look in the mirror and want to run away but she is always with me.
There is no where to go.
No where to hide.
I look in the mirror on last time and see the things she left behind.

I know not everyone will want me.
I only want you to stay in my life as long as possible.
I’m not going to ask forever but I’m hoping it will be longer than just tonight.
I know we just met but I can’t stop thinking about you.
I know it most be for a reason.
Please tell me I’m not the only one thinking this right now.
In the end of the day if I hear your voice then everything will be ok.

I fell in love with the pain.
The memories replay in my head over and over.
It feels so nice when I want to replay it.
Remembering all the little details.
Wishing I could do it now but no one understands.
I fell in love with the blade.
Wanting more of the pain to happen even with a smile on my face.
Hoping no one would notice when my long sleeves come back.
Now I’m two months clean still thinking of last time.
Hoping the memory will be enough this time.
Not wanting to start over but not willing to fight it.

I wonder how he got away.
How the mystery was never solved.
Maybe everyone lied to cover this track with ****** money.
I wonder how he got away with breaking my heart.
He said he loved me a million times but ever thought he didn’t mean it.
Until the last day that changed everything.
He looked in my the face and smiled with all this teeth.
I love you for the rest of my life.
Then he left and no one has seen him since.

Blah blah blah
Take me to shut your mind up.
You know you really want me.
All you have to do is find me.
(Takes one pill)
Now I control you,
Without me you suffer.
What if you can’t get more of me.
Will you hid behind a broken smile begging to get me.
Begging so much people think you have an addiction.
Blah blah hurt self.
I told you need me and you didn’t believe it.
Come on take one more.
You know you really want too.
(Finally takes it again)
Everything just stops.

I wish my life was a fairy tale so you would be right next to me.
I wish my life was a fairy tale so I could finally have a princess sitting next to me.
I wish my life was a fairy tale,
Then maybe all the bad would disappear.
Disappear from everything that made me wish for a different life.
I wish my life was a fairy tale so then everything could be happiely ever after once again

I think I found the one,
The one that makes my heart jump up and down.
Not wanting the moment to end.
I think she likes me too.
She told me I was pretty but it could be all inside my head.
She smiled at me for a few seconds.
I think I found someone new,
She laughed at my jokes and made sure I knew.
Made sure I was paying attention to it.
I think i made her up.
Now she is gone,
No more smiles or laughing.
I told her I liked her too and she looked confused.
She said she was being friendly and didn’t mean anything else.
I think the end finally came.

The walls look a little whiter than normal.
Why is the fan making such a loud noise?
Did my room always look this messy?
Maybe it's all in my head but this doesn't seem right.
Everyone is moving on I'm still stuck in the same moment.
The moment everyone forgot about.
I hid the blades but there always in the back of my mind.
Wondering when I will need them next to shut up my lonely mind.
The one that keeps trying to talk even thought I don't want to hear it.
The thing that makes me feel more hurt than anyone in my family.
I don't even have my family just my phone with random people to text that don't even want me.
So I sit here alone again for the tenth day in a row.

I still get nervous like the first time when I saw the word read on my messages.
Wondering if this would be first of many times you wouldnt care what I say.
Won't want to know more and wonder when I will move on.
I'm sorry because I want to tell you all about my life.
About little details that probably make you think about something else.
The more you get to know me the easier it will be to understand.
That I get attached too fast and get send too many text to get your attention.
The attention you don't want me to have.

Death used to scare me,
When I was younger I would cry about it.
Now I become friends with death almost meeting it three times.
Only caring what my friends and family would say if I went away.
If I picked death over living.
I wish I could do it for me but one day i won't care enough to stay.
I know death is cheering me on waiting for me to visit.
Waiting for me to stay forever.
Death used to scare me,
When I was eight I cried my self to sleep.
Now I play too close to my new friend.

I won't be mad that you left.
I knew this day would come even thought you told me it wouldn't.
I believed almost every word that came out of your mouth.
That I would be your number one.
That no one could take my place.
Look how wrong I was because I'm crying at my keyboard wonder where I went wrong.
In the back of my mind this is a nightmare that should have came sooner.
I'm afraid to open my eyes knowing this is real life.
Knowing that I lost my other half to someone else.
I'm not mad that you are leaving.
I'm mad that I Believed you would stay.

I fall in love a little too fast.
My heart gets broken a little too much.
I will not regret those memories.
I fall too hard,
And smile too big about it.

They are sleeping next to me.
I feel safe but my mind doesn't trust it.
It tells me do more harm than good.
With you deep down I know I'm safe and you know that to.
Even if everything else around us doesn't make sense.
They are sleeping next to me but my mind doesn't trust it.
Letting horror movies play in my head about the ones that I love.
Making me feel crazy for loving them more and more.
Maybe my mind isn't used to this feeling and is trying to make me safe.
I don't want to safe I just want to live in the moment.

My life became a mess.
I started to love darkness more than the light.
It made me feel safer knowing soon all the stress would be gone.
I know that living isn't just surviving.
It's wanting to wake up to do something new.
To wanting to see the future not run from it.
I don't know if I was running but I was so used to not living I didn't see the reason to keep going.
To want to be happy because I didn't see a point in it.
A point to go to the light vs deep deep dark.

Was everything meant to be?
Did something turn into nothing?
Maybe it was just in my head but I know you felt it too.
Don't make me feel crazy for something I know was real.

What if parents just loved for us.
If the listen to our broken cry's.
Imagine If we weren't alone anymore and had a someone who wanted us.
Not another struggle for them to through in our face.
I wonder if I will ever be good enough for them.
One tells me how much she loves me and other only sees me as a cheap sitter.
Throwing daggers at me whenever they get a chance.
I don't understand what I did for him to stop treating me as someone who they care about.
Maybe this is there way of caring but it hurts.
I don't want to deal with this anymore.

He said I look pretty. That I'm his number one.
She told me that I'm lying and no one really cares about me.
He said I'm amazing and that I deserve
The world.
She told me I should leave the world, I almost did twice because of her.
He gave a me a pill and never felt better.
She gave me a knife and I never felt worse.
He made me feel unstoppable,
She stopped me in seconds.
He helped me get out of bed,
She chained me to it.
He gave me too many ideas but she didnt give me enough.
He was too good and it something felt off.
She was the devil running around my head.
He was my best friend but only vistited me once while.
She was my worst enemy but came too often.

Sometimes I feel unheard,
That my life doesn’t matter as much.
I look around the room and wonder if anyone feels the same.
I’m afraid to ask the question out loud, not wanting to get all the looks of Judgment
I go home and cry in my bed wondering if I made the right choice of making it to twenty three.
How can I keep on going with all this pain?
Why can’t I just say goodbye for one last time?
I tell myself that I can't leave her behind without a brother.

Everything made sense in the end.
That's what I thought, but I was wrong.
The yelling got louder; I could barely hear myself think.
I wondered why this was happening, but I got no answer.
No one wanted to explain it to me.
No one wanted to help.

I can't believe I let this happen again.
She wasn't there for me for a while but I picked up the phone the second she called.
I listen to all her issues trying to make her feel better.
I wonder why I am doing this as if she would do the same for me but I'm not sure anymore.
I can't believe I fell for her looks.
The pretty girl who everyone likes came over to me and everything started to spiral.
I did everything for her and I mean everything.
After it was all done then she dropped me as if I was nothing.
But once I was her everything and I wondered how that all changed so fast.
So of course when she called I had to pick up.
I had to be there for her.

If the world was ending would you be here next to me?
Would everything else just disappear and feel normal for another second?

I can be your Nick to your Charlie.
Your Jess to your Rory if you give me a chance.
I can give you everything you ever dreamed of.
Maybe I overthink about falling again,
Falling in love for someone that doesn't know who i am.
Waiting for the day that everything makes sense again as to why we aren't together.
Why do I spend every day waiting for the one text to tell me how you really feel.
Maybe that day won't ever come, and that's okay.

I can't get enough even if I try.
I always want to know more about her.
It's like having a friend that has secrets and all you're dying to know it.
I'm afraid one day she is going to say that I'm too much.
That I'm annoying her with all my messages.
I guess I never had someone like her in my life.
Someone that is there all the time and won't hesitate to fight your demons.
I hope she knows I would do the same

I found my other half,
The one that makes me fall deeper in love after every call.
It only takes a text to make me break apart in smiles.
They don’t know how hard I'm dying to meet them again.
It's a different type of love that makes your heart flutter.
Or your mind races, waiting for your phone to ring.
I found them again, and I'm not losing them this time.

I wonder why I kept the letters all this time.
Maybe I was hoping he would come back the more I read it.
That he would just appear out of nowhere.
But nowhere ever came; no one ever came.
I wonder why I kept the letters all this time
Maybe I was hoping it would help my tears go away.
It didn't; it never does.
He will never find me the same again.

I found my old letters.
The ones are saying goodbye, and I'm sorry for everything.
I found my old letters.
The ones that hold the darkest of secrets that no one is meant to see until I disappear.
I found my old letters.
That wishes to leave instead of staying.
I found my old letters.
Now, they are old words that I don't need.

I'm a believer in love
That it doesn't go away overnight.
Maybe it shows up one day without a reason,
Only to beg for it to stay longer.
Love has seen the world go around and around, waiting for the right people.
The type of people who aren't afraid of going the extra mile.
Who are crazy about one another in every Universe.

I didn't want my secret to come out.
The world doesn't understand me like you do.
The secrets hide under layers, wondering if anyone notices.
Notices the scars made out of hopelessness.
Would you leave me if you saw the truth under the lies?
The lying of saying I'm doing better but drowning in my tears.
I don't want my secret to come out because I can't lose you now.

I look down and around,
Only to see him smiling at me.
It's the type of smile that screams run, but I stayed.
Maybe he isn't so bad after all.
I gave him a chance, and in seconds, the betrayal happened.
He took me by the arm and watched me scream in pain until it was over.
Until there was nothing more he could take.

I hope you're doing ok.
I havent heard from you for a while but maybe it's meant to be this way.
In the sense that you moved on without me.
Without telling me that's how it's going to be.
I'm still waiting for a text that may never come.
A phone call that won't go threw.
I hope you're ok because it seemed like you don't want me Anymore and that's fine.
I'm better now.
Only if I could say that without crying

I need you back in my life.
The pleasure that makes everything worth it again.
Hurt me and I won't tell anyone.
I promise to keep it my little secret.
I need you back in my life even with everyone disagrees.
Take my secrets and spread the lies all over my name.
Burn the little things I still have left.
I need you to make me a player in my own life.

What if she leaves again?
I'm not ready to say goodbye.
My heart will tear into it, but maybe that's for the better.
Maybe it wasn't meant to be in the end.
What if she never wanted me?

Why do I crave you after a while?
I don't want you back in my life, but at the same time, I do.
The memories haunt my dreams of the past.
Of everything you did to me, did to my body.
Why do I want you back?
I guess I miss the pain and the love that no one else can give me.

What if it was my sister?
My best friend?
The day you died, my heart turned up aside down.
I couldn't think of you for two years without crying.
There were many days I had to stop myself from visiting.
What if it was me?
Would people finally care that one of us was gone?
I told my self when it snowed, it was you saying hi to stop myself from breaking down.
What about all the memories?
The stories that we had together.
No one will meet you again.
I wish it could have been me, not you.
I wish it were all a bad dream.
I wish I didn't miss you.
I wish I could have gone with you.

I’m drowning in my thoughts,
Hoping one day I can finally be with you

Around and around we go again.
Feeling too low to even breathe.
Begging for the day that forever will Finley end?
Hoping my pain won't be here tomorrow.
Around and around we go again.
I scream in my mind thinking someone will hear my cries.
No one comes because it's all in my head
Around and around we go again.

I lost it all.
My heart was torn from the dark cloud.
My mind, twisted the most until everything was gone again.
Begging to stay,  but each day gets harder.
I lost it all.
The happiness that my body needs to survive.
I lost the smile but kept the pain.
One day this will be a story but right now I'm living in a dream.
Not sure if I will make it to the end.

Give me a reason for staying.
Give me a reason to love you anymore.
I'm tired of not getting anything in return and waiting by the phone for a single text that never comes.
I wait and wait for someone to care about me but everyone passes by.
No one stops to say hello.
No one even says goodbye after breaking me.
Give me a reason to love anymore.
I can't do this anymore,
Please I'm tired.
I'm tired of missing someone that I can't have.

Hi! Isn't today a great day!
Hi.. please dont see behind my fake smile.
I have these ideas that I can't wait to do.
Don’t give in, try to hold a little longer.
I’m going to take over the world soon, I just know it.
Well I see next week?
No need for sleep,there is so much to do.
I slept 15 hours and I just want to go back to bed.
Will this last forever?
Will this last forever?

I wish I could hold my breath long enough not to feel anything.
Just enough to be able to breathe at the end of the day.
At the moments when my mind can finally slow down.
I wonder if this is how normal people feel.
The type of people who don't have to fight themselves to stay here.
The type of people who cry when they are sad and laugh at the funny.
The people that make the coldest hearts warm at the end of the night.
I wonder If one day I will be that type of person or if this is the best it will never be.

Sometimes I can't breathe.
Somedays I feel myself getting dragged underwater.
The other part of me watches and laughs.
I try to make it back to the surface but I can't hold on to anything.
Sometimes I can't breathe under all these thoughts.
Some days I feel too heavy to fight.
At some point, I stopped caring.

Let me go.
It's time for me to leave.
Please don't look back on us.
It wasn't meant to be after all the "I love you" and " we will be together forever"
Let me go.
Don't waste tears on me, I'm not worth it.
Try to remember the memories that I didn't ruin.
Let me go.
Leave flowers when you pass by.
Don't hold on to the pass for too long.
It's not worth the space in your memories
Let me go,
I promise it's time.

This wasn't goodbye,
This was a constant reminder that it was in control.
That it can pull me back anytime, anywhere.
I asked to be set free but instead, I cry my mind blank.
Waiting to go numb.
This wasn't goodbye,
Only the reminder that the will always follow me.

I didn't think it would be so easy to release you from my memories.
All it took was deleting a photo and everything else disappeared.

He made me love him from the start.
It was a mistake I thought I would only say hi Instead he took over my life.
No matter how hard I tried to quit I would always be back in his arms.
I stayed away for over a year but I couldn't resist.
I gave him my heart and he uses it as a weapon.

I watch you love her from the sidelines.
Waiting for my chance to come over and stop it all.
Nothing ever comes out of my mouth in time.
She leans over to kiss him while I'm trying not to cry.
She doesn't know how much I'm dying standing here.
I pick up a piece of paper hoping this will be my last time begging for someone
To notice me.
The visions in my head get stronger and my heart gets smaller.
The fear grows while the strength not to listen becomes more hopeless.

Maybe In another world, she would be in my arms.
Her head would be on my chest while We talk about our future together.
In another world, she'd live in the same city as me.
I may love others but she will Be my first real love.
The one I will tell stories about to my friends.
I watch her get hurt by other guys while I am still across the world watching through a screen.
Maybe in another world, she would be my person.
She is my protonic soulmate in my eyes

Hello, can you hear me?
Why is the screen always turning on and off?
Why does it disappear without notice,
She is trying to stay above the water but it's getting higher.
Nothing can help her besides playing along.
Hello, can you finally see me?
She is trying hard to remember but everything is black.
Her hours become seconds and seconds feel like minutes.
Will her mind ever stop playing tricks?

I'm bipolar.
I can't sit still when I'm at my highs or focus on the little things.
I want to do it all and spend the money that I don't have.
I can be your best friend or your worst Enemy.
I go from extreme lows to never feel better in months.
From fighting to stay alive to feeling as if I could never die.

The lost love,
Hidden between secret friend's ships.
Holding on to the memories before it turns into long-lost tales.
Before her heart is gone forever, Always remember my love will never fade.
In the end, my heart was made for you.