I fall in love a little too fast.
My heart gets broken a little too much.
I will not regret those memories.
I fall too hard,
And smile too big about it.

They are sleeping next to me.
I feel safe but my mind doesn't trust it.
It tells me do more harm than good.
With you deep down I know I'm safe and you know that to.
Even if everything else around us doesn't make sense.
They are sleeping next to me but my mind doesn't trust it.
Letting horror movies play in my head about the ones that I love.
Making me feel crazy for loving them more and more.
Maybe my mind isn't used to this feeling and is trying to make me safe.
I don't want to safe I just want to live in the moment.

My life became a mess.
I started to love darkness more than the light.
It made me feel safer knowing soon all the stress would be gone.
I know that living isn't just surviving.
It's wanting to wake up to do something new.
To wanting to see the future not run from it.
I don't know if I was running but I was so used to not living I didn't see the reason to keep going.
To want to be happy because I didn't see a point in it.
A point to go to the light vs deep deep dark.

Was everything meant to be?
Did something turn into nothing?
Maybe it was just in my head but I know you felt it too.
Don't make me feel crazy for something I know was real.

What if parents just loved for us.
If the listen to our broken cry's.
Imagine If we weren't alone anymore and had a someone who wanted us.
Not another struggle for them to through in our face.
I wonder if I will ever be good enough for them.
One tells me how much she loves me and other only sees me as a cheap sitter.
Throwing daggers at me whenever they get a chance.
I don't understand what I did for him to stop treating me as someone who they care about.
Maybe this is there way of caring but it hurts.
I don't want to deal with this anymore.

He said I look pretty. That I'm his number one.
She told me that I'm lying and no one really cares about me.
He said I'm amazing and that I deserve
The world.
She told me I should leave the world, I almost did twice because of her.
He gave a me a pill and never felt better.
She gave me a knife and I never felt worse.
He made me feel unstoppable,
She stopped me in seconds.
He helped me get out of bed,
She chained me to it.
He gave me too many ideas but she didnt give me enough.
He was too good and it something felt off.
She was the devil running around my head.
He was my best friend but only vistited me once while.
She was my worst enemy but came too often.

Sometimes I feel unheard,
That my life doesn’t matter as much.
I look around the room and wonder if anyone feels the same.
I’m afraid to ask the question out loud, not wanting to get all the looks of Judgment
I go home and cry in my bed wondering if I made the right choice of making it to twenty three.
How can I keep on going with all this pain?
Why can’t I just say goodbye for one last time?
I tell myself that I can't leave her behind without a brother.