it's a beautiful sentiment,
loving someone
who doesn't love you back,
indulging this perfect lie.
a kaleidoscope of doubt
swirling in my head,
day after day
and night after night.
whenever you're away
i can't help but imagine
somebody else by your side.
it's an intricate ritual,
saying what you want
to hear,
laughing at your jokes,
fading into background
when you're near
and dying when you're gone.
i wish i knew how to quit,
gather my things
and walk out of the door.
sometimes i wonder
why i keep doing this
to myself,
but there isn't one answer
when love
is endlessly bound
with pain,
and hurting myself
is the only way
to ensure
your return.
it's a beautiful sentiment,
loving someone
who doesn't love you back,
faithfully waiting by the door,
day after day
and night after night,
indulging this perfect lie.

i'm afraid i'll forget.
if i don't remind myself
who i am,
if i don't talk to people,
if i don't say my name,
i'm afraid i'll forget it.
i'm afraid i'll end up empty,
unknown,
lost in the ocean of faces
that i don't remember.
if i don't hear my name,
if i don't write it down
for a million times,
in a thousand of different ways,
i'm afraid i'll forget
who i am,
i'm afraid i'll end up all alone.

my love,
when the lights go out,
i know you get lonely
after midnight.
when your heart spins
round and round,
here comes the revelation,
here comes the kiss
of the one
you've always wanted.
they're all yours now,
but the magic is gone
and the spell is broken.
my love,
i hope you know
that you're still
my favourite person.
when the lights go out,
when your heart
hits the ground
and you fall backwards,
here comes the revelation,
here comes the kiss
of the one
you've always wanted.
they're all yours now,
but the spark is gone
and the spell is broken.
my love,
i know you're tired,
so am i.
when the lights go out,
do you still get lonely
after midnight?

my sorrows will sleep
undisturbed
in your arms,
and it's more
than i ever deserved;
and if you can hold me,
you can be my whole world
for a day or a lifetime,
the choice is all yours,
as am i.

we're all made of regrets
and sharp edges,
dancing alone in the dark.
what a disgrace it is to know
that we're never truly happy
unless we're being betrayed
by someone we love.
and someone we loved
was a sinner,
and all that we want
is a drink and a bullet
to swallow.
whatever the weapon of choice,
the means don't mean much
as long as the end
is the same.
this life might just be a mistake
or a shared disappointment,
a high with an endless low.
and what a relief it is to know
that we weren't meant
to be happy,
all made of scars on our wrists
and sharp edges,
dancing alone in the dark.

i made a mistake,
you showed me the way out
and cut the connection
by staying behind.
never was the one to cry,
never had a shoulder to cry on.
well, maybe that's why.
i made a mistake,
let you stay on the other side.
i'm sorry,
i'm sorry,
god, i'm so sorry.
should've said goodbye,
should've stopped you,
should've done something.
i don't know how to cry anymore,
no, not anymore.

the sun is only there
to keep us warm,
but should it die
we still can save each other.
and if the cord
that's holding us
is torn,
we'll find another.

the wreckage of our world,
it dreams of stars,
but as we bring them close,
they push us farther.
and if this sun
should die
before our eyes,
we'll find another.

i hope there's a place for us
in the end.
unwanted, unpleasant,
they feel so uneasy when we bring it up,
the horrors of death.
they want to forget,
they want to be safe in their bubbles
of blissful oblivion.
right.
should we say we're sorry
for being too loud,
too angry, too stubborn,
not willing to die without a struggle?
perhaps we're just making it all up.
well,
although it was mostly pretend,
we really appreciate
your concern.
thanks for nothing.
i hope there's a place for you, too,
in the end.

a paragraph, written a million times
doesn't remain the same cause the words
are constantly changing themselves,
and you are as well.
a fire that burns through the night
may seem bleak compared to the brightness
of a brand new sunrise,
but at the end of the day
it's not the amount of light that counts
but the strength to survive again.
and people are not some constructs
to be created and disassembled at whim.
they have their own voices
and their own incredible stories to tell,
and you do as well.

in a world that's hellbent on division
you might just be my flavour of strange;
and if love is a war,
you can have my allegiance.
if we we burn, we burn bright;
if we die, then we die
holding hands at the edge.
like two planets on course for collision,
we trade endless stagnation for change;
and whatever the cost,
we're not bound by the limits.
if we live, we live now;
if we die, then we die
holding hands at the edge.

i'll write a prayer
to the silence,
a final act
of my defiance.
when there is nothing
left to preach,
i'll leave the altar,
burn the speech.
i'll bleed my faith,
and on the steps
i'll face the crowd
to make amends;
stand on my knees,
accept it all,
and say a prayer
before the fall.

i am at peace,
it's all i need,
me and the ocean
at my feet.
and when there's endless,
there is free,
and true,
and hopeful,
and complete.
with no horizons
to outline,
eternal beauty
to explore.
beside the ocean
i will lie
and be at peace,
there's nothing more.

when the fire is bright
it leaves burns on your hands,
it takes scars and paints over
in warm strokes of red;
and it keeps you alive
while you keep it alight.
it's a matter of time
before you run out
of things you could feed it;
as much as you need it,
all fires are meant to die.
it turns pain into heat
and makes you feel loved,
but it keeps you alive
only as long
as you keep it alight.
when it burns from the inside,
it's so easy to lose your mind
when the fire is bright.

her smile has a sharp edge,
like a knife through his chest.
and the cut's getting deeper
as he tries to get closer,
but she keeps him
at an arm's length.

there's a chance of falling apart,
but instead he's falling in love.
the more she draws back,
the more sacrifices he makes
to be worthy of her grace,
to finally conquer her heart.

her laughter has no end,
like a sunset wrapped mist.
and the fog is getting thicker
as he tries not to get lost,
as he never wants to be found,
dying to stay like this.
chained with weightless ropes,
always by her side,
when the torture is most welcome
and the suffering is pure bliss.

if he was so eager to get her,
he'd be there by now.
he'd run in the middle of streets,
throw himself under cars.
or maybe just hurry a bit;
not a casual stroll,
not a regular walk.
he certainly would've rushed there,
not to fight, but to talk.
he'd jump in a taxi
or catch the last train to her town.
if he was so eager to love her,
he'd already be there
by now.

i don't watch the dawn now,
i don't reach for the cusp
through which two become one,
where future turns into past.
and your love felt so heavy
when you placed it in my hands,
but i would carry it forever
if i could carry it forever.
i don't count the stars now,
i don't reach for the divide.
tell me, is it mine now,
the darkest hour before the light?
and your heart felt so heavy
when you put it in my hands,
but i would carry it forever;
i couldn't carry it forever.

i've been trying
for a very long time,
but i cannot catch you.
always three steps behind,
close enough to watch,
but too far away
to wrap my arms around you
and never let go.
your shadow rests on my chest,
your smell slips through my fingers,
i'm surrounded by all the things
that you so desperately clung on to,
except for one thing
that i need the most.
somewhere between desperation
and make-believe,
i have found a way
to make myself whole,
but it's just a trick for the mind,
not good enough
to fool the soul.
and i've been giving in
and giving up,
and giving it my all,
but you don't ever look back,
never offer me a chance to follow.
this chase is getting the best of me,
but i still can't catch you,
as well as stop
and finally let you go.
always three steps behind,
close enough to watch,
but too far away
to save you from the fall.

love, don't you come
close
to the fire.
oh, can't you see
how it burns?
melting my skin
down to ash and bones;
can't you feel
the longing inside?
forget who you were,
come alive
with desire.
oh, can't you see
how it burns?
love, don't you come
close
to the fire.

you were the brilliance of midnight sky,
the watercolours in the morning dew.
i know i promised i would make it right,
i know i said that i'd come back for you.

but there's a warning in the red and white,
it sounds like someone's gonna lose control.
and i don't think i'll make it home tonight,
no, i don't think i can survive this fall.

you were the sunlight, boastful in its pride,
the subtle shift before the darkness grew.
i'm sorry that i couldn't make it right,
i'm sorry that i can't come back for you.

why don't you come home?
the bed is still warm,
it's waiting for you
like a sky before the storm.
as thunder breaks it in half
i hear you saying goodbye.
you disappeared in the night,
but still, i wish i knew why,
i can't stop thinking that today
you could be here.

i can't stand being alone,
the wind will sing us to sleep.
just know, wherever you are,
i'd put my life at your feet,
i'd give whatever you want,
feel free to take everything.
i won't survive through the night.
can't you come home one more time?
the rain feels cold in my hands,
i think it's saying goodbye.

a false promise of freedom to a captured man,
just like a cup of poison, filled up to the brim.
a note between the stones of all the walls we've built
and all all the walls they tore down just to fight again.
it's nothing like the light that breaks a peaceful dawn,
it's painted in the colours of a foreign flag.
and everything that burns takes us a lifetime back,
and everyone who died was not meant to be born.
acceptance isn't earned, it's but a weapon drawn
and aimed at those who dare to overstep the line.
a shattered cup of poison for a senseless crime
filled up by blood of every prisoner of war.

in the early hours of dawn
everything is pure,
every day starts anew,
every person is born again,
everyone gets a clean slate
and the sins of our past
are all washed away.
i wish i could hold this moment,
make the sunrise last forever,
so that we never have to face
the pain again.
in the early hours of dawn
everything is pure,
everyone gets a clean slate
and the sins of our past
are all washed away.

there's defiance in youth,
but the world is too heavy to carry.
with exhaustion, binding your wrists,
disappointment, pinning you down;
that unmovable weight on your chest,
it only becomes harder the further you go.
the more you see, the less you believe.
faith is the most fragile currency of all,
and if you stay around long enough,
you can witness the untimely death
of every forgotten truth.
but even if our fight is over,
and all of our wars have been lost,
there's still hope for tomorrow,
there's still defiance in youth.

approaching, appeasing
this beautiful ghost.
no, don't disappear,
i won't get too close.
i'm willing to spend
all my life standing still
with you by my side.
please, don't disappear.

...and at the end
of the line
i'd still bend down for you,
bow my head for you,
break my neck for you,
rip my heart out of my chest
for you.
and even if i'm to die
at your hand,
i would do so willingly,
standing right in front of you.
i'd bleed out for you,
give my life to you,
stain my name for you,
for at the end of the line
all my love belongs to you.
you're the only one i want,
the only one i need,
the only one i see,
and for me
there can never be anyone else
but you.

there, if you can see the end of the line,
where shadow and light intertwine,
we'll watch the birth of a short-lived twilight
before its life is consumed by the night.
we'll hold each other and watch the tide
as it approaches us from the horizon.
for what it's worth this life never felt quite right
without you carrying me through every storm,
without you catching me after every fall,
and it's my honour to love you this one last time.
we'll meet again, there, at the end of the line.

the world might end in the afternoon on an average tuesday,
anxiously re-reading a dozen messages without an answer.
when a broken photo frame becomes the last drop
and you find yourself unable to believe that superstitions are stupid
and the familiar ringing of the doorbell sounds like a death sentence.
despite the agony all there is to show is silent acceptance,
because their yesterday's sacrifice bought you another tomorrow
and you can only pray that in that moment they weren't alone.
although this emptiness inside of you feels like a death sentence,
the world ends every single day without anyone knowing.

one let down after another,
i'll dig out my own
eternal peace.
and if you want to help,
please,
just give me a hand
or leave me alone.
i'll willingly surrender,
lay my youth to waste,
put it, piece by piece,
on the doorstep
of every single place
that i've ever been
kicked out of.
and i can't slow down,
because if i do,
when the time comes
i will not be able
to let myself go.
one small tragedy after another,
an unwritten letter
with a goodbye kiss.
and if you want to help,
please,
just put an end to it
or leave me alone.

everything goes if we just let it,
even our universe.
when the light at the edge of it dies out,
as if watching a guillotine strike down,
and a glimpse of a memory, elsewhere,
so far from all we've ever known,
feels like home.
but the dawn is already bleeding red
and the answers have all but disappeared,
and this fleeting moment is all we have
before the last shadow falls;
everything goes.

love,
stay a little longer,
don't run away
so fast.
love,
will you make me beg
for it?
down on my knees
i will fall,
i will fall for you
over and over
again.
and i will hold you
in my arms
before you fade away,
before you dispapear
forever.
and i will whisper
your name
all my life,
i will pray for you.
i will pray for you
to be safe.
please,
love,
stay a little longer,
don't go
where i can't find you,
don't run away,
so far away.
love,
will you make me beg
for it?
down on my knees
i will fall,
i will fall for you
over and over
again.

i'm endlessly falling in love
with ideas and concepts,
so wonderfully impossible,
so delicately crafted
inside my mind.
i fall in love with strangers
who walk by,
with lonely phantoms
in the subway,
with shadows
in the streetlights,
with nonexistent stories,
with lives that aren't mine;
with every single thing
that i can't have,
because if i can't have it,
it won't hurt me,
and that's what really matters
down the line.
i'm endlessly falling in love
with dreams and delusions,
so perfectly impossible,
a collection
of parallel universes
inside my head;
and as long as it's not real
it should keep me safe
from falling apart,
as long as it's not real
it can't break my heart.

maybe our bodies
are just flesh and bones,
but they can see beauty
in chaos
and find heaven
on earth.
they can belong
to each other,
they can love
despite the pain.
nothing good
should last forever,
all the beauty
must decay.
and maybe our bodies
don't weigh as much
as our souls,
but they can hear music
in silence
and find heaven
on earth.

i will wait for a lifetime or more,
i will use every ounce of my strength,
i will pull you away from the edge
when you're no longer able to carry
the weight of the world in your hands;
i will stay for as long as it takes.
i will breathe for us both,
i'll keep faith for us both;
i will wait for a lifetime or more,
and i hope you remember my face.
i will sing you to sleep,
i will shelter your dreams,
i'll keep all of the sadness away.
i will be at your side every time
when you reach out to hold my hand;
i will pray for us both,
i'll keep faith for us both,
i will wait for a lifetime and more.

i would love to tell you
that it gets easier,
that we won't be here forever,
that i can fix
this broken world,
find all the pieces,
put them back together,
and make it work.
i can't make it work.

i don't sleep these days,
their faces haunt my thoughts.
i can't find a way out;
my heart is still,
my blood is cold.
but even if we're in hell,
at least we're trapped here
together.
how i would love to tell you
that it gets easier,
but you know it too well;
some nightmares can last
forever.

i keep on getting caught up
in your all-knowing misery;
i don't want to be here,
i don't belong here,
and i can't make you happy
the way you imagined.
there's always someone else
to keep you entertained,
someone to compromise,
but i'm not that person,
not anymore,
not for a lifetime,
not even just for one night.
i keep on getting caught up
in your all-knowing misery;
i don't want a second chance,
i won't take a leap of faith.
and i can't make you love me
the way i deserve,
but you won't turn it against me,
not if i put myself first,
and we both know it's not my fault
that it's over.
there's no starting again,
no turning back the time,
not anymore,
not in this life,
not even just for one night.

i'm running out of sugar
to sweeten this pill,
running out of breath
on this racetrack for two,
running so terribly late
for your love.
you've been hiding in mirrors,
and even if it was ordered by law
to forget you,
i'd still look for your ghost
on the passenger seats
of every car.
in good morning coffee
and sweet dreams wine,
you're in ripples,
flipping my boat
upside down.
i'm running out of time,
running out of breath
on this racetrack for two,
running so terribly late
to be loved
by you.

what does it feel like
to be seen?
for someone to long for you,
your creases and wrinkles,
the shape of your silhouette.
what does it feel like
to be adored?
from up close or from a distance,
hesitant and unsure,
that quiet, unspoken desire.
what does it feel like
to be known?
without sharing a word,
with nothing left to be said
out loud.
when everything that you do
is the epitome of beauty
in another's eyes,
is this what it feels like
to be loved?

i can feel it
getting close.
empty bedrooms,
filled with ghosts,
hollow echoes,
bloodless wars;
every win
is someone's loss.
when it's torn,
i patch the holes.
when it screams,
i close the doors.
when it rains,
it always pours;
one last dance,
one hopeless cause.
i can feel it
getting close.

can't you see this house is empty?
can't you see i've given up?
can you fill this void
with something else
'cause i'm all out of love?
and the walls are crumbling down,
and the ceiling is on fire,
and the only reason we're still here
is because you'd rather lie
than admit that we're unhappy,
but i think it's time to stop.
can't you see this house is empty?
can't you see i've given up?

they're all the same.
always asking
the same questions,
wondering if you're okay,
terrified of hearing the truth.
how are you supposed to explain
that you take the pills,
and you do the talking,
and you try so hard
just to keep the waves
from crashing ashore,
but it just doesn't work
anymore?
is it too late to choose
the opposite door?
will they let you give up?

god, it's always the same.
answering the same questions,
digging holes in your skin,
a crawling that never stops,
an itch that cuts through the bone.
and when you're alone,
forever and ever,
it's such a dreadfully long time.
is it too late to surrender,
walk away from the fight?
if living no longer makes you
feel alive,
is it time to quit?
will they let you give up?

your gods are weak,
your gods are silent,
your gods don't speak to you
when all you need
is someone to confide in.
your gods are wrong,
your gods are violent,
your gods ignite the fire of war
and never tell you what to do
with all this rage inside your bones;
the fire seems so very holy
unless it's you they choose to burn.
your gods pretend,
your gods play games,
your gods don't walk around
among this land
of misery and death.
your gods know best,
your gods keep quiet,
your gods don't speak to you
when all you need
is someone to confide in.
and when you're on your own,
when all the hope is lost,
do they look down at you,
your everloving gods?

i don't want to be loud,
so instead
i dig another hole
inside myself
and bury everything.
every tear,
every word unsaid,
every mistake,
every departure
and every arrival,
every belated goodbye,
every unwrapped present,
every argument
and every silent gaze,
every smile,
every embrace,
every warm touch,
every cold night.
i bury it all
as deep as i can,
out of sight,
and then i move on.
my body is not a temple,
but a haunted graveyard,
where bitterness grows,
where regrets bloom
in the dark.

heaven is a lonely place to die
even if it's called a paradise.
there must be a reason why
the ticket comes
with a warning in small font.
don't forget to say goodbye,
there will be no coming back
from this joyride.
take a step towards your dream.
is it just as sweet as you thought?
was it really worth your life?
i hope so.
heaven is a lonely place to die
even if it's called a paradise.
now that you're already here,
welcome home.

he doesn't even realise it yet,
but holding her is but a momentary bliss
and being abandoned by her is torture.
despite already being caught in it,
he doesn't see the intricately spun web
or perhaps he doesn't mind it at all,
hanging by the thread of a a fleeting kiss.
she's fire and fury, barely contained,
a hurricane, disobeying the nature's orders,
an impossibility, endlessly defying itself,
and he doesn't even realise it yet,
but he's always been hers.

a tragedy in miniature,
nothing but a puppet, being strung along.
when is a home no longer a home?
now that you're gone i might never know.
such an impossible creature,
and for a moment there i almost believed you
that we were gonna settle down and grow old.
now i'm the only one that's getting older.
making a note for the future;
it fades so quickly, like forgetting an old song.
your voice, your smell, your laugh -
now all of it's gone.
and i would willingly give up
the rest of my days,
filled by nothing but loneliness,
if it would give me another chance to hold you.

maybe if i was funny
you'd like me more,
maybe if i was pretty
you'd finally want me.
should i be loud or quiet,
honest or lying,
laughing or crying;
what would you prefer?
maybe if i was
somebody else,
the worst or the best,
or nothing at all;
maybe if i was funny
you'd like me more.

if you want to go,
go out of the front door,
cause i'd rather be shot
in the chest
than bleed out with a knife
in my back.
there's a vacant space
between my ribs,
where my heart used to be,
but it's such an odd shape
that nothing fits in,
except for you,
but you've already found
a different place
to build a home.
so if you want to go,
go out of the front door,
cause i'd rather face
my demise
than be caught off guard.
and when i look at death,
she might have your eyes,
but at least this way
i will know for sure.

i'll come back to you
from the ashes of our past,
from the terrible things that i've done,
from the sins i still need to atone for,
from the blood of your sacrifice,
from the steps of my broken home;
from the pain that i've caused,
from the darkness inside my heart,
from the madness that shattered my core,
from the wreckage of our past,
from the terrible things that i've done,
from the sins i still need to atone for.

i love you,
and the threads of passion
burn around my neck.
a fire that i can't put out,
a sin that i could never pray away.
i love you,
and it feels like a rising tide
inside my lungs,
but with my last remaining breath
i whisper it all the same.
i love you,
and i'm hopelessly locked between
midnight and sunrise.
a darkness that tempts me,
a light that won't let me be.
i love you,
and you're all i have left to want,
all that i ever wished for.
by the finish line, at the edge of the world,
you will be the first
and the last thing that i see.
i love you.

mornings are slipping away in a blur,
patterns of certain habitual sadness.
words with no meaning,
disease with no cure.
porcelain dolls, both lifeless and ageless.
haunted by visions, hidden in mirrors,
wrapped in despair, victims and sinners,
chasing the rush of the next final turn.
decades are slipping away in a blur.