In his arms I felt safe
There was nothing to be afraid of.
No monster could take him away,
He was the man that always saved me.

He danced with me as I, slowly, fell asleep in his arms,
And tucked me to bed at night.

Stories were created,
The ones I still remember.

On his shoulders I felt tall,
I felt I could fly, touch the sky,
And even though I'm afraid of heights,
I still tried to be brave.

In his heart I was still her little girl,
And it was hard for him to let me grow up.

When the time came, and it was time for me to let him go,
I whispered in the silent living room of my house, "You can let go, Dad. I'll always be proud of you"

With his physical absence,
I feel broken and lost.
There's nothing I wouldn't do to bring him back home.

So, when I'm crying,
I think of that little girl,
The one sitting on her dad's shoulders.

The one that never knew what death was.
The one that created memories without knowing that.

I think about him,
And I can see him smile.
No more pain,
Just peace and love.

In my heart, he's still around,
Still laughing and hugging me,
Teaching me how important life is.

We can be gone in a second,
But  even if covid took him away,
It  couldn't take something from him...

HIS LOVE.
HIS LOYALTY.
HIS LEGACY.
OUR MEMORIES TOGETHER...


Love remains; it always does.



Miss you, daddy 🖤🥀

This morning I stared at my
veins, and I realized they’re as
blue as an ocean during sunrise

And I’ve been drowning in
myself since my first breath

For how long must I
breathe underwater?

Am I still alive if my soul
feels like it's sinking
endlessly
into the abyss?

The air grows heavy around you. One deep breath will do it.
You're not afraid of the pain, but you still hesitate.
Focusing your sight on the smooth skin that covers your thoughts and fears from the world, you decide to do it. Sometimes, you  crave it so much that your skin can feel a little itchy.

One line is drawn on your skin. It's not deep enough. It barely bleeds, but it's the step you needed to move forward and let it all go for a while.
Another line, and then another one.
This time, you press the  razor blade deeper into your skin. Adrenaline runs through your veins. You wish you could go even deeper, finding the part of you that's been missing from your soul when they broke you. Perhaps, you just broke yourself. Who are you to blame other people, but why do you feel this way towards them?
Forgiving people is easier said than done. Forgiving yourself is... Impossible.
You draw another line. Now your body is covered in dying red roses.
You can't stop. You don't wanna stop. It feels so good, yet so wrong at the same time
It's like a drug, and no matter how long you stay clean, you will fall right back into it.
When you are done, you clean and cover those lines. A long sleeve will do it. No one has to know. You don't need another pair of judgemental eyes on you. Your  own presence has judged yourself enough.
You draw a fake smile on your face and go on with your day. You're fine.
You're fine. Everything will be okay, until it's not. What happens next, you may wonder?
I bet you already know it.

Moon child,
Worned out, yet wide eyed,
Breathe in
Breathe out.

Your body is tiny.
Your heart remains untouched.
Your smile  breaks me.
I used to be happy, too.

Tell me you're still here,
Somewhere where I can find you.

Tell me you are proud of me.
Tell me you would keep fighting,
Because I need your strength.

Take all the pain away.
Take me to the stars,
Let's play with Peter Pan.

You should remain unmarked.
Yet, you're growing tired.

Have I let you down?

Moon child,
Tell me we are doing okay.
Moon child,
Keep on fighting.

This war is not over.
We shall remain victorious.
We will be marked.

Don't pay attention to others,
You are enough.
You are perfect.

Moon child,
Wild kid with  pretty eye lashes
Are you here?
I can't feel you anymore.

If you decide to stay,
So will I

I've built a safe haven.
It's the only place that contains my pain.
The walls are tainted by the  blood of broken dreams.
Tainted by hurtful, yet blurry words that I can still hear these days.
They're tainted by a broken mind.
My safe haven has a resistant door, but no windows to let my secret be free.
Darkness likes to live in it.
My demons seem to agree with it, too.
I have a safe haven, and sometimes,
It's my only home.