The paths taken
   Feel so unforgiving
To hear the words
   You say are true
Stand strong and linger
    With a bitter taste

Can't you tell what's
    Right or wrong
And if the affects
     Lay within my reach
Just yesterday
     You pulled me in to help
          Feel safe
And now your like
   The Cheshire cat
       And his foolish grin
How can you wear two
     Faces at a time
Which one do you feed
     At any given time

WARNING:  STRONG FEELINGS OF ANGER AHEAD -

Guess I should try and try again
    It's useless I already know
And so,  it's fruitless trying to let anybody know

I cringe in such distaste of ignorant people

The people that say oh she just wants attention, or that she just doesnt want to get better

Well ******* you ignorant ****
Until you Have experienced  it shut the **** up!!

I knew when I woke up
    My thoughts were not (oh guess I want to be sad today or oh guess I will choose to be happy today)

Get a grip ignorant people!
For goodness sakes you should just shut the **** up!!

Your so ******* stupid - to think you know something when you know nothing at all about it - because if you did - you probably helped to put some innocent child, adolescent, young adult in their grave!!

So for those of you who don't know what it's like -

SHUT THE **** UP!!

To feel as though I may fall
   Upon painful memories from so
      Far ago

The battery of feeling unloved
    Which whence it was born from

To fall to my knees
     Is where it takes me

There's no hiding
     No plight quite ever allows
  
Just cradle myself for there is
     Never one to understand

How it crumples me into
      So many folds

That I can no longer unbend
      And try still to remold

It lingers in the stillness
      Of my lonely home

Never do I want to feel as though
      I may fall

It has been said
   "Your day is coming"
That life can turn
    in an instant

I have been hopeful
   that day indeed would come
So when it appeared
   you bet I jumped aboard

With all that I had seen
    with others that is
it was then I learned
    my expectations are mine to own

I read a quote somewhere that said,
"I don't know how many times I have survived myself, without telling anyone else."

And I felt those words shoot through every nerve in my body. I felt them so deeply.

And I wonder how many of us feel the same way.

How many nights we fought off the suicidal thoughts, the urge to cut, the urge to purge, the urge to run or to hide out, alone, too afraid to worry or bother our friends and family.

How many days and nights have we all suffered in our own darkness alone?

People like us fight a battle no one can ever fathom because it's a battle no one can see. And we don't let them.

I've fought myself and survived myself alone so many nights.

There were nights I use to lose my own battle. But some how still came out alive.

I guess that's how we keep going. Because every time we give up we come out stronger.

You fight yourself and beat yourself up for so long that eventually you become a master of surviving a war.

We're warriors.

"I don't know how many times I've survived myself, without telling anyone else."

Tonight, I'm telling all of you.

I survived myself.

And if you're still here and you're reading this, you survived yourself too.

It's not easy but you did it.

And I'm so proud of you all.

Truth not always spoken
   But always known
For the day will come
    With such spoken words
Let the truth in

Let it be the release
    of the old
And the building
    Of the new
Let the truth in

Let it be known
That what is seen
   with the eyes
Always holds the truth
Let the truth in

And the trust within
   The new you begin

I felt the plunge of it's talons
   As it wretched my heart to pieces

The excruciating feeling of the ripping and the tearing of my heart

The sounds of it feeding upon me brought forth the vile in my stomach

I couldn't survive this time! I knew there had to be an end.

No more pain, no more ugly thoughts running rampant in my mind

No more seeking desperately to make it stop!

To just lay down and feel no more is the only thing left that I want!

To know that I was just a crazy woman in everyone's mind matters no more.