the worst part about it
is that she lingers
like a sad sentence
in a car ride argument
that just
hangs in the atmosphere
until you get home.

her.
she was all i cared about.
her big eyes
and little laugh
and the way it felt
to lay close to her
on a saturday night.

the way it felt
to not want to leave
on a sunday morning.

oh,
her.
she moved on
slipped through my
fingertips
beach sand and silk.

they love one another
and god.
let's talk about that.

he looks at her like mad
his eyes speak levels
of love in his heart
and he holds her close
every.
night.

she sits on his lap
and he sings her little songs
while she touches his hair
and his lips.

he was always there,
even when
i was the one musing
into her big eyes.

i stepped outside
for a breath
and walked
seven miles
to her house,
her window, her room,
her heart.

i couldn't speak.
and she asked me
why i was there, and
what happened?

oh,

nothing important.

the first sip felt warm,
t
  r
   i
    c
     k
      l
       i
        n
         g
    down my throat.
and that night, so did you.
a cordial reminder of your love
for me.
and in your closet, you kissed my lips.
although your breath smelled of *****,
your lips tasted like sweet honey.
i felt like i could stay up all night,
just talking.
kissing.

honey.

and now i sit alone,
reminiscing, perhaps.
the ***** tastes bitter,
and it doesn't feel warm
like it used to.
my eyelashes weigh tons
and my body feels numb.

soft entities
calm as moonless waters
smooth as porcelain
in the palm of a rough hand

a small fixation on lust
and a larger on love,
cold little fairies
shifting at dusk.

lavender skin,
cold little fingers,
leaves of gray,
flowers of light.

the smell of lilacs,
taste of ash,
feeling of closed eyelids
on my weary body.

walking past,
smiling at strangers
as i lose myself
on the street i know best.

hints of heaven,
that's what i need
to keep me from feeling
the hell in me.

my mom found a little *** of dirt in my room,
with a dead plant in it.

she somehow found a little leaf on it, still alive
and green in all its glory.

now, determined to keep it alive and growing,
she waters it every day.

the meds make it
so hard for me
to focus
on anythi