I wore my England shorts today
as a form of camouflage
so that I could remain at large
amongst the crowds of yobs
it's amazing how they can afford so much beer
without having jobs

a group of them approached
asked if I had a light
I said I never smoked
but there's a torch app on my phone
which is pretty bright

then one of the three
roared at me
It's coming home!!
to which I didn't reply
as I went back to my phone
afraid it was some form of mating cry

Words are dead!
there I said it
words are dead
the words in your head
are in the past
the words that you said
will not last
fireworks that attract the eye
liar's words in the mind
an explosion of language
and then silence
they do so much damage
and cause violence
chasing words
feeling tiredness
healing words
are band-aids on the soul
a soothing to the ears
they're dropped in empty holes
for who hears?
who really listens?
words are dead
we have visions
images of creation
words are no salvation
just pointers
pointing to the infinite
still they loiter
words we can't forget
we hold them to our chest
like lifeless children
we always do our best
but the words **** them
and now all that's left
is dead...
dead words.

Still searching for something...

I silently shifted past silhouettes of strangers for I am a shadow formerly named.

Someone said you felt the same, a sorceress seeking solitude inside a spire, a safe haven for all those stolen souls.

She was of the sea and softly spoke to me sowing smoke in weaves but I knew of no vowels that could commit her senses and yet sentences slowly slid from my mouth stolen by gravity towards the south where soldiers slept beneath the sands of sorrow.

Surrounded by sounds shifting from silence to song something sang sweetly secreting secrets only the stars dared keep.

So I buried my past somewhere in tomorrow somewhere I would never reach nor no longer seek for slumber is my only ally as I succumbed to sleep for the final time surrendering my soul to the valley of shapes and signs.

Let me caress your every sinew
I do not care if you've been used
for many men know the temple of God
but few on holy ground have trod
her birthplace that is creation
yet they treat you with predation
a child that sleeps within your womb
soon your bed will be their tomb
the years of men will surely pass
upon your head I count the grass
they outnumber thee ten fold to one
and yet their bud is still but young
our age is like a moth at night
that travels towards the sacred light
and is extinguished by the flame
Will you remember my name?
your favoured son
Will you forgive the things I've done?
or another knot in the tree become

I could ask a million questions
and receive a million answers
yet I too would still be questing
for I cannot become the master.

Who is it that knows the mind of God?
that can tell the difference between dirt and mud?
for man's nature is curiosity
to try and explain all he can't see.

But it's only through the eyes of the wise
that there's nothing here to realise
there are no problems when there are no questions
just trust in your intuition
have faith in what he has provided
then you will no longer be divided.

For who am I to question him?
let there be no more questioning
with every solution comes a problem
another reason for you to rob them
of money, life and passion
so just let it be
so once again we can see
the real truth
which was revealed in our youth
there's no need to be asking
seeking and grasping
for we are all just passing  
it's life that's everlasting.

Today I witnessed a man jogging in Flip Flops
~
it was like watching my Granddad dance to Hip-Hop
~
pre hip-op

I am what I am
a man with no plan

but I don't understand?
  you don't have a plan

I don't have a plan
what's to understand?

What about your hopes and dreams?

I just dont know I screamed!
Why do I need dreams to succeed
and what is success anyway?
Why can't I just live my life at play

because you have to take things seriously

seriously, but why?

Imagine all the regrets you will have when you die

regrets about not having a plan?
but what if I die before I can fulfil my plan
now its me that doesn't understand
how can I write a story
if its constantly unfolding
it sounds kinda boring
to already know the ending
I would much rather sing
and why do I need a career path
when I would much rather laugh
all this planning seems so daft!

But you have to be a responsible adult

you mean like a banker that steals?
or a soldier that kills?
or a politician that lies?
or a butcher that cuts up animals with knives?

no! no! those are just the extremes!
you got to have dreams!

I do dream
of being free
of being me
no judgements
no labels
just what you see

But what about a vocation?
a location?
somewhere to hang your hat!

life is a vacation
I don't need none of that!

look I am what I am
a man with no plan
you don't have to understand
as long as you can
can what?
just can.

I could split the earth in two with my bare hands
I could tear the sea from the sands
I could devour all the pain that's in the world
I could soak up all the anger that's been hurled
I could crush all the demons in the palm of my fist
I could destroy all the murderers that enlist
I could silence all the bullies with a single glance
I could halt all the deviants before they advance
I could protect the children from all that's in store
I could save the innocent from famine and war
I could stop all the tears before they did fall
I could halt all the tyrants before they could rule
I could heal all the sick so that they had perfect health
If only I could save myself.

Lovers are like vampires they either bleed you dry or grant you immortality with a single kiss.

How fragile the butterfly
as it dances in the sky
trying to find its way home
to a place not carved of stone
soon all this will be dust
so it asks what's all the fuss?
what is all the fighting for?
silly soldiers and their wars
silly man and his laws
the only law is mother nature
for no man can escape her
she who birthed us all
she who waits when we fall
for how the mighty will crumble
as the fools they do stumble
upon the stolen hands of time
each of them suffering for their crimes
and yet the butterfly it worries not
for all that it is, is all that it's got
beauty set upon wings
it's beauty that truly sings.

Oh learned friend where did you go?
t'wards heavens peak beneath the snow
to bury your heart atop a mountain  
where bitter wars had once raged
there many men were also slain
a battle yourself had been engaged
in loves fair and fortuitous name
hurry not to claim a maidens hand
for though beautiful the pursuit
all is and will render to the land
and any requests silenced like mutes
for if words can no longer be spoken
and the ink of quills runneth dry
then hearts will no more be broken  
nor can such lips utter another lie
only sweet truth radiates from being  
as will loves voice finally be heard
for all that remains is the seeing
of God's unadulterated word.

The silence it deafens me
with violence they threaten me
to carry me off to an asylum
unless I can provide them
with an ulterior motive
till I hand in my notice
relinquish the chains upon my bed
the fiendish brain inside my head
deviously plotting my own demise
take leave from this place to warmer tides
bathe my body beneath calmer skies
naked like the day I drew breath
naked as I stare upon death
one hand holding a crooked scythe
the other beckoning to me, my life
did you forget to count the die?
or forgo the countless lies
that made the Countess cry
neither man nor mystery could change her path
so it's left to me to rearrange the past
jigsaw pieces scattered upon my pillow
connecting dots to draw the willow
who could forget the weeping widow
that cried herself to sleep.

words at most
are sign posts
never touching
what's real
minds watching
yearning to feel
and at least
the beasts
of burden
I'm sorry
i beg your pardon
i didn't mean those words
that cut to the bone
the words said in anguish
the words that you moan
love has its own language
that communicates by touch
you speak to me
you tell me so much
the words I weave
are a cry for help
please don't leave
this is what I felt
fault lines through and through
cracks in my sentences
words no longer the glue
the endless relentlessness
of thoughts
circling like sharks
they haunt
my deepest parts
the weakest heart
pumping out words
of dread
this is what I said
you said
the words that line our bed
sleeping on novels
we are apostles
of language
tell me how you manage
all your words
how do you discard them
with such ease
no gratitude
no need
your smile
sells more
empty words
than I could ever write
I'm never right
how could I be
when words are all I see
so please
use your lips
to silence my sentences
wrap your tongue
around my words
i promise you some
you've never heard.

She was the Rose in my heart
and the thorn in my head
for her it did bloom
for her I have bled

When she no longer shines
and tears no longer water
the heart it begins to die
the Rose it starts to wither

One day she will rise
but when nobody knows
then she shall shine again
and my heart will be a Rose

They say talking to yourself is a sign of madness, but who cares what they say no one else can hear them.

a man cannot live on bread alone
nor upon his enemies bones
the marrow of which seldom makes
a feast in which he can partake
the flesh and blood
of his fellow kin
are formed from mud
and infused with sin
planted in the soil his feet
to which Apollo waters
and the master beats
on to the slaughter
hand in hand
and eye for eye
until we can't stand
until we all die
until we all die

the time has come
but what for
when time is done
you will want more

theres never time
for nothing much
you'll never find
the time for such

as time is short
and in the end
it can't be bought
yet time does mend

its time to go
once its begun
only time does know
the setting sun

after all, time will tell
*but keeps its secrets oh so well

She shines at me from across the room
her reflection caught in glass
a radiance like the moon
and in its beauty I bask

She ushers me to sit and wait
and rest my weary mind
I tried to resist it was getting late
for love I was trying to find

She tells me I need not worry
that everything has its time
I mumble that I am sorry
I just wanted to make her mine

She looks at me with glint in eye
her love beckons me forth
I do my best not to cry
this love its all yours

She sings to me beneath the stars
a melody for a captured heart
the song of love that forever lasts
yet soon she has to depart

Taken in the bloom of youth  
now it's God's love that beckons
for he gains what we loose
all angels must return to heaven

Now she calls on summer breeze
and gently brushes my face
tell me why she had to leave
my life without a trace

I lost myself to an idea of love
whilst my heart drifted off
on a cascade of crimson tears
they never really fade the fears
lurking in the darkest corners
they're always there to haunt us
so I listen with deep intent
for a whisper of your loves scent
a moment where hearts meet as one
when mine beats not as drum
but as a harp which strings you pluck
my heart was always yours to buck
to buck and break at slightest whim
my love you take on nightly winds
blowing away my earthly desires
as my body it surely tires
and loose myself once again
my heart, my lover, my oldest friend.

They say love is blind
for it's only now the truth do I find
that you are with someone else
because of your ill health
and yet I have only been loyal
so our relationship I didn't spoil
but you were willing to give it up
to drink from someone else's cup.

Was it because I wasn't good enough?
or just because you didn't want my love?
I would have done anything
just to call you mine
I stood by you through everything
and yet still with someone else you choose to dine.

Well I hope he loves you as much as me
for its only through my eyes could he see
how deep are your scars
but still remain as beautiful as you are
I hope he chooses not to fleet
once he gets you between the sheets
for your worth more than any precious gem
to give away yourself so cheap.

Which is why I still try to defend
your very soul
still pray for you every night
still play my role
even though you remain out of sight
I still try to be so kind
still think of you as mine
because love really is so blind.

My head betrays my heart
my actions betray my words
I am neither wise or smart
so forget what you heard
forget the myth
I'm none of that
all I have is this
there are no facts
for i only exist
as a collection of thoughts
in my head
in your head
I disappear when I go to bed
I exists not in sleep
only death knows my real name
only for her do I weep
I seek not fortune and fame
just the silence of truth
but it's not a choice I can make
for how do you choose to loose?
to let go of everything that's fake
the superficial world
the artificial machine
I just want to be held
I just want to be seen
cradle me in your arms
let me trace the lines across your palms
so short a life line
a thought ignored the signs
how could eyes be so blind
you lay before me naked
and I left you in the cold
I forsook everything sacred
even though I wanted you to hold
to curl up next to you like a fire
a woman's best friend
walking across the wire
like Churchill's merry men
been warring with myself for years
you got caught in the crossfire
everything seemed so weird
slightly askew
tell me dearest what's right and true
lead my heart like compass
lead me to you.

Tell me now are you having fun yet?
because all my words have become redundant
no matter how many girls I talk to
there's only one that fits the shoe
that crystal slipper
only I know how much I miss her
others may take my eye
but only one has the heart
so when they say hi
in my mind I soon depart
to that place where we both live
where our beds sit side by side
when it's just you I'm with
this is where I hide.

It may all be an illusion
as I'm left with trick not treat
but amidst all the confusion
I know that one day we'll meet
for I believed your words
that what you said was true
even now it may seem absurd
that I will see this through.

If I want to save the princess
one must sleigh the dragon
for I embarked on this quest
that I cannot fathom
a never ending story
starts with just a page
as does my journey
sets foot from its cage
once I escape Narnia
and exit from the wardrobe
I will hold you near
without the need for hope
on that day that I emerge
I'll be young again
then all my words
I shall be living.

A girl stood before me at the supermarket
a few random items littered her basket
pink socks poked out from her sneakers
they were covered with little creatures
an inch of flesh stood between
those ankle high socks and her jeans.

Nice socks I exclaimed!
she turned around inflamed
looked at me and said
I have a boyfriend
her face now red.

Are they his I asked?
her face broke into a laugh
sorry I got so defensive
guys make me apprehensive
I don't really have a boyfriend
sometimes I just like to pretend.

*I know how you feel I replied
in embarrassment I've often lied
and whenever I'm struck by beauty
of someone new I meet
I can't look directly at them
I look towards their feet.

All the passers by stop and stare
at the girl with the sparklers in her hair
a crown adorned with precious jewels
to blind those mere mortal fools
as many men have laid at her feet
to form a blanket on the ground
but her Prince shes yet to meet
her true love has not been found
the one that will look past the glitter
and see the sparkle from within
this one will remain with her
through this turbulent life of sin.

This world is not meant for dreamers, poets or lovers
only to be torn apart
slowly dissected by death's scythe
worn down by the language of life
words, weapons and worries
all designed to destroy us
losing yourself in a flurry
a chaos of accidental karma
taken by the hand and led astray
I never wanted to harm her
I just wanted it my own way
a perfected illusion
trying to mould life to suit our ideals
but it's those same ideas that ****
torturing us during the night
and rotting our insides by the day
the maggots of the mind
make bait for the fishes
the world is full of sharks
this world is malicious
as I wade through the dark
you devour me whole
spit out my bones
and consume my soul
then leave me alone
for there's no more you can take
there's nothing of value left
when I rise I will be awake
or else my name is death.

I keep pushing myself to the extreme
keep indulging in the obscene
trying to break my mask
all this reality is just a dream
a dream about the past
I pinch myself so I will wake
a pinch of salt is all I take
a glimpse into the unknown
so I can escape this dream
this tapestry I have sown
for every illusion has a seam
where time and reality is stitched
but there are no maps
no one knows where or which
just a maybe or perhaps
so pushing boundaries is all I have
hoping something snaps
on to silence I try to grab
but echos are all I hear
a voice from my childhood
a little boy transfixed with fear
I don't know if I should
follow the yellow brick road
follow it all the way home
a pinch of salt to blind the witch
I pinch myself but still don't flinch
maybe Oz is all there is
maybe it was and still is
maybe because I willed it
if I designed it I can **** it
there's no more reason to pretend
take a knife to my imaginary friend
take his life so my dream can end.

My names Derek
I'm a zombie
meet my friend Eric
he's also like me
a walking corpse
dead behind the eyes
we met at the shops
surrounded by flies.

Where the dead meet
by the frozen food isles
looking for our pound of flesh
blood splattered on the tiles
mmmmmm so delish!
empty stands
just frozen fish
we use our hands.

Nothing can quench our hunger
or satisfy our desires
not the fishmonger
or the burning tires
for this is anarchy
as we feed
gone is our sanity
so watch us bleeeeed
we are all zombies!

I still remember all the stuff I did
when I was just a little kid
such warm memories
of chasing squirrels and climbing trees
running free and flying kites
I would never flee getting in fights
so much energy riding bikes
no such jeopardy going on hikes.

I would sit for hours
and imagine I had super powers
where I could fly
across the fields
and wave at passersby's
on tops of hills
I used to read so many books
and didn't care about the way I looked
please bring back that small child
so once again I can truly smile.

I believed the world was full with good
that everybody had some food
I guess my parents protected me
so reality I couldn't see
when really its filled with so much bad
where half the world is starving
and the other half sad
why would anyone want to have a child?
to raise them in a world so desolate and wild.

Sometimes I wish I was still ten
but this is now and that was then
I may no longer have my innocence
long since squandered for independence
free to travel where I could only dream
and see the things I've never seen
so I may not smile so easily
or still laugh as freely
but I can love you dearly
for now I understand
so clearly
what it means when you hold my hand
and what it's like to truly kiss
I now know what love really is
not a word thrown about in playgrounds
but something grown from the heart that pounds
only when you are around.

So if I had my time again
to live my life from the age of ten
I wouldn't worry about the little things
or care what the future brings
I would seize every opportunity
Instead of living my life so fruitlessly
I may only write nothing but the truth
but it means nothing without my youth.

I believe in love at first sight
and not giving up on that fight
I believe in fairy tales
and true love that prevails
I believe in romance
and taking her hand for the slow dance
I believe in fate
and good things come to those that wait
I believe in simple pleasures
and also making grand gestures
I believe in the ultimate sacrifice
and not needing to think about it twice
I believe in dreams
and clouds bursting at the seams
I believe what you do gets done in return
and that some people will never learn
I believe real beauty comes from within
and never judging because we all have sin
I believe in God above
and the fact that God is love
I believe in miracles
and sticking to your principles
I believe in honesty
trust, virtue and integrity
I believe in innocence
and old fashioned sentiments
but most of all I believe in you
and everything that you do
so to you my heart I am sending
as I believe in happy endings.

I dream of innocence
of days long spent
beneath summers sun
a Carpenters son
and royal daughter
a Queen and a martyr
one girl one boy
eyes fuse like alloy
caught in a sudden trance
a courtship dance
loves hypnotic rituals
of star filled visuals
white lights against black night
white Knight versus black Knight
this is now a game of chess
strategizing what to do next.

Three is a crowd
how I wish he wasn't around
your first mistake
so I sit and wait
for the nightmare to be over
for my Knights mare to save her
I already know the pain she's due
it's as old as the sun, this rain isn't new
nothing washes away infidelities sinning
nothing can make them white sheets of linen
once innocence is lost like paradise
if only you took another roll at the dice
maybe fate is predetermined numbers
and maybe innocence only exists in slumber
maybe it was lost at birth
maybe it's just an ancient curse
inherited from days long ago
maybe we were never white as snow.

But still I have this martyrs cause
yet still I never really give pause
the Knight that sacrifices for his Queen
for he has already witnessed all to be seen
history repeating itself
Déjà vu sapping our health
reincarnated pain
can the black Knight ever be slain?
or is it just another side of the coin
everyone is still curtain drawing
hiding from the dark
the day that's lost its spark
black night only masks the sun
black Knight versus the Carpenters son
but white lights appear in the sky
the white night is there when we die
when our numbers finally up
when our slumber finally stops
the ending of the night
maybe we aren't really Knights
maybe we are all just pawns
so innocence can be reborn.

Where are my keys?
have you checked your pockets

Where are my glasses?
have you checked your head

Where is the love?*
have you checked your heart

Our relationship has become stale
the cracks I cannot mend
for my words they now fail
as if written on the wind.

How can we say we still care?
that we miss whats now lost
how can we try to repair?
and pay this heavy cost.

How can we regain the past?
or rewind the hands of time
so much has happened so fast
I once was yours and you mine.

Only goodbye does remain
there's no happiness in defeat
for how can we stay the same?
*how did we never meet...

Oh what a beautiful day
bathed in golden sun rays
my problems are carried on a gentle breeze
as if blown like cobwebs by a sneeze
so far away.

I can feel the sunlight penetrate the dark recesses of my soul
for yesterday's sorrow
has been banished to tomorrow
no longer hacked to death
by Winter's breath
or torn to shreds
by the thought's in my head
I need only embrace
standing face to face
with the sun
in front of everyone.

I just smile
like every other man, woman and child
with warm greetings
in the outside heating
I finally feel accepted
part of the family
no need to be hectic
for my anxieties are a distant memory
so far away
on such a beautiful day.

I wish she had spoken to me one last time
to tell me everything will be just fine
and hadn't forgotten how much I cared
or all the moments that we shared
even though she was with someone else
and life had robbed her of her health
she still thought of me as fondly
that I was more than just a probably
if only the river ran a different course
or that I'd given a little more pause.

Whats meant to be is meant to be
for all rivers run to the sea
one day you will be with me
when the waves reach eternity.

She told me she would be gone a while
that she had already reconciled
and as she closed her sullen eyes
I leaned in close to say goodbye
but she never heard me say
for she was already on her way
because dreamers never really leave
they just drift off down the stream
where we will meet on some distant shore
and time and pain will be no more.

I have fantasies
where you belong to me
not as a slave
or a bird in a cage
but as a promise
something exclusive
shared between us
a capsule of time
where you'll always be mine
two hearts of one mind
to love more than simple words
to fly free like the birds
not contained within a cage
or what I write upon a page
an ode to love is just that
words strung like Cupid's bow
I plant them and watch them grow
into poems forged from love
and cast into solid gold
to form a band around her finger
where it will be till the day is old
when memories no longer linger
we may not be able to reminisce
but I shall always remain
this is my promise.

I caught you browsing books
like you could ever be caught
for I would dangle my hook
but the line was too short.

A salmon swimming down river
such a beautiful fish
you said you were a singer
to catch you would be my wish.

But I would throw you back
because you don't belong with me
it's great to admire beauty
but all fish belong to the sea.

I am both chaos and order
as I build with bricks and mortar
my fears fade and I grow taller
for I have faced chaos
now I embrace order
but one means nothing without the other
as love means nothing without a lover
so you begin to hate instead of trying to discover
that you need both to have balance
for without peace you have violence
and without sound we have silence
accept all without judgement
don't dismiss show encouragement
turn the other cheek
show them you're strong and not weak
that they're wrong when they speak
as you can't both be right
so let them be left behind
as you walk out of sight.

So tired of this feeling
so tired of just being
so tired of thy place
so tired of my face
so tired of frustration
so tired of humiliation
so tired of instant anger
so tired of constant hunger
so tired of feeble jealousy
so tired of peoples infidelity
so tired of running away
so tired of not knowing what to say
so tired of yo yo emotions
so tired of no go solutions
so tired of being tired
so tired of how my brain's wired
so tired of over thinking
so tired of sober drinking
so tired of appeasing obsessions
so tired of these possessions
so tired of saying no
so tired of staying home
so tired of praying alone
so tired of making excuses
so tired of feeling useless
so tired of restless nights
so tired of this pointless plight
so tired of facing fears
so tired or racing tears
so tired of panic attackss
so tired I can't relax
so tired of anxiety
I guess I'm just tired of me.

I'm starting to question every thought I ever had
every reason for feeling sad
every dream dissolved
every story I ever told
as reality does not live in the mind
but with everything that passes our eyes
so stay focused
don't pay attention to the lies
for in my head I've lived a thousand lives
but in reality I've never touched the sky
not walked on the moon
never had a bride
never been the groom.

We had fun you and I
at least within my mind
been dreaming since I was a kid
of things that I never quite did
never once kissed your lips
nor smelt your sweet perfume
though those memories still exist
the truth is you left to soon
you only live in my imagination
a perfect mix of my creation
loving, kind and gentle
whispers sentimental.

So the question I ask;
do I keep you close in dreams?
- where our love will forever last
**or face the whaling screams
of a broken heart.

Love is everything you can think of and more
Love should never be boring or a chore
Love is about putting someone else first
Love is about accepting them at their worst
Love is no longer sleeping alone in the dark
Love is having somewhere for your ***** to park
Love is finishing each others sentences
Love is knowing another's tendencies
Love is about not forcing issues and lying
Love is holding the tissues whilst she's crying
Love is always trusting and never jealous
Love is regular *** baby!, woohoo!, hell yes!!
Love is having to watch ******* movies
Love is about reassurances like you'll never loose me
Love is knowing when to talk and when to remain silent
Love is closing the toilet seat, that extra kindness
Love is defending her every flaw
Love is spending time with the in-laws
Love is about sharing everything
Love is buying that eternal ring
Love is accepting she's always right
"I love you" is a quick way to end a fight
Love is about that special kiss
Love is saying "no your *** does not look big in this"
Love is daring to eat her meals
Love is about caring how she feel
Which brings me to the age old question
"Is this really love or just indigestion?"