I'm cracking up,
you're sinking down,
lying in bed awake,
can you not hear me cry,
you want me to save you,
but, I can't even save myself.

A product of my depression an infatuation of my mind.. I search for answers in your eyes of yet I am to find,
My highs and lows go to and thro bouncing from one to the other,
A constant war of emotion, a battle field yet to unfold,
I stare at you, our eyes locked I never feel consoled.

A product of my depression an infatuation of my mind.. I search for answers in your eyes of yet I am to find.,
I like to feel elation not violation this crazy state of mind,
From one fleeting thought to another retreating back to hide,
This oppression of happiness beating me from inside.

like a Meteor crashing through the sky
with no thoughts for the Annihilation it will cause.
Narcissistic and Irrational are traits of it all
Anarchic until its end…

David is a strange fellow
always a little too mellow
he will sleep for days
walk around in a haze
he hates company and loathes to talk
just try him – “F**K YOU” he will squawk

He takes some coaxing but will ‘snap out of it’ soon
he will leave me for days, weeks or the next full moon
his visits are often unannounced
but “rest assured” he whispers “I can always pounce”

Stand by me as my knees give out from the constant blows life gives me.

01/02/2018:

My chopsticks didn’t break apart normally

& I keep thinking that it’s an omen for the upcoming year.

I want to be unnoticed but crumble under lack of attention.

I am split between being loud

& being a whisper.

My tears no longer have a meaning;

They are just tired now.

I will crawl in my bed

& lay awake thinking that everything is stupid.

& I’ll hope you’re not like light

& I won’t sneeze when I look at you.

Both our misery together will be platforms to stand on while we light our cigarettes during break;

Our emotions will harmonize when we lay them out.

From the side with the sun setting,

you looked like a 3D shadow laying on the grass.

& Then we heard those screams from a crowd running around an RV in the park.

Uninterested;

Snapped the moment as a memory and moved on

& years later, I still flip through my mind to find the picture.

Remembering a time when I wasn’t bothered.

It follows me
Meandering behind me like a lost hungry dog
I turn around and it lowers its head slightly
I keep walking, feeling it's stare
I go into a bakery, it waits outside
It looks lonely and hungry yet I'm afraid
Afraid of it hurting me
It looks gnarled and rough, grey around the edges
It won't leave me, it simply trails behind me
I ponder who it's owner is
I walk a few more blocks
Maybe it will leave
I turn around its still there
I wonder again who the owner is
I decide to find out
I feed it a piece of bread, all while feeling frightened that I might lose a finger
While it is occupied I peer at his collar
And what I see makes sense
Misery
My phone number

How do I make you understand.
The feelings that I struggle,
These battles, I hesitate.
My words, I don’t annunciate.
You feel my push and pull
And yet I feeling nothing at all.
Unfortunately....
To lie,
But for what reason do I have to cry.
I slam a door
The hell was that for.
One day I’m shy
Tomorrow I’m saying goodbye
Then I beg for your caress
While I scream that I imagine my carcass.
How do I make you understand
That this is how I hesitate
And forever may not be our fate
Because I laugh, then cry
And who wants a mutter nearby
Sometimes I’m sweet like blue sky
But I swear the devil sweats beneath these eye