I want to dig a hole
and bury
the emotions
that rise inside me
for you

I feel sorry when
I see them swell
and rise only to
be met by a silent
stone like shore
of your heart

so I want to dig a hole
and bury the emotions
even before they swell
rise up and come
crashing down

the hole I dig would need
to be quite wide and deep
to contain the range and
depth of emotions that
arise inside me for you

the emotions which you
ignore and don't want to know
the emotions which you
feel but have learnt to un-feel
the emotions which you
browse and carefully skip

once I bury them
in the big hole that I dig
you will never be able
to see them and
will never need to ignore
or feel or skip

then it will be all clean
calm, clear and free
once I have sterilised
my conversations from
all trace of emotions

when I would have
buried them in the
biggest and widest
hole that I can dig

i want to look dead (but not actually die),
maybe then you'd notice me,
i should give it a try.
my lips (like your eyes) would be blue as the sea,
my hair (like your words) would flow with such ease.
i could grasp your attention and hold on to it tight
so you would not leave in the dead of the night.
my skin smooth as porcelain, as white as a cloud,
perhaps then you might have the strength to say aloud
how much you adore me and how much you care,
how much you truly want me to be there.
but this is all hypothetical, i mean, i'm still alive
and that's what divides us,
confirms you aren't mine.
you are too filled with life (if that could ever occur)
and all that i am is simply a blur.
i want to look dead (not actually die),
maybe then you'd notice me, i should give it a try.

And why
is it shameful for a suicide to be fuelled by love?
why is love not good enough for you?
do you know the heartbreak behind love?
the stabbing pain deep inside your stomach when you see the one you love
embracing another
the pressure to be perfect
the loss of passion
the gain of boredom
the desperation when you feel them slipping through your fingers
the harshness of a reality without them
a reality so pure and plain that it seems useless to live there
to carry on without them
because in the end, what are we without love?
mindless, heartless, broken, bland.
don't you dare tell me that love is not enough
the sadness of a broken heart, is enough to send anybody
toppling over the edge.
slipping away.