I'm falling into the deep end,
That dark place that floods me
Over and over till I'm drowning
And I just float, float, float.

I'm overthinking; the thoughts won't stop,
Trapped in the prison of my own head
Crying over the sink every night
Letting tears float, float, float.

I'm in over my head, drowning,
But I'm fine—not struggling, right?
I'm stuck in a bubble I didn't create
So I just float with the crowd, numb inside.

So insecure that it's funny;
So used to feeling this bad,
I think I might be going insane,
As I float, float, float.

Where are all my friends?
Loneliness creeps in again,
The water's turning red—they don't care
If I float or if I fall.

And I fall, fall, fall,
Feeling alive as I fight for my life,
I can't escape from this riptide
So I float, float, float.

Watch me drown in these waves,
Don't know if I can make it back
To the surface, I'm gasping for air
As I float, float, float...

The things in my mind are starting to break me down once again. And I do not know how much longer I can keep trying to fight them. Because every day that I try to fight then they keep getting stronger and I keep getting weaker. They are binding me to the wall, and breaking me apart. And I am tired of trying to break the chains that they have put on me. They are impossible to break, and they have always been. I don't even know why I ever tried to fight them. I don't know why I didn't give up a long time ago. That would be better than believing that they will break. It would have been better than to waste my strength to break something that is impossible to break. Because they are cutting off my circulation and it's getting really hard to move. Because they are cutting me every time I try to take them off. And I am losing blood and I feel so weak that I cannot even stand. I can barely even breathe. And now I am stuck on the floor crying and breaking into pieces. And the thing is there is no one that  can help me break free. Because once they do, I am a lost cause. The damage and the pain will be too much for me to bear. The blood that I have lost will be too much. And I don't even know if I could ever move on. Because the strength that I once had, the resilience I grew, is all gone. So if someone ever helped me they would have to watch me die anyways.And I cannot have them watch that. Can’t have them watch the light slowly fade and see the haunted look in my eyes as the things that happened slowly consume me. They would have to watch the hope leave my face and the look upon my red bloodshot eyes from all the nights of fighting. All the nights of being up so late trying to keep breathing and not to give up. And they would have me watch me take my last breath. And I have a feeling that they would blame themselves. Though I was a lost cause ever since I turned 12. I have long been defeated. I just had to hold on a little longer. I had to give you hope that you could break free. Because I know that you can. So I wish you luck and the life that I will never get to live. Have the smile that it took me a while to fake, have the breath that I no longer have, and see the bright future that I longed for. So live your life because it is precious. It is worth it, and I wish that I could have joined you and watched you grow and flourish. But it is far too late.
If only I could turn back time and not let the chains get a hold of me. Not let the pain trap me. But wishes are useless. As I have learned this time after time. I've wished on so many stars but to no avail. I cried out to God, but he didn't answer. I asked Death to take me, but he never came, I asked to be loved, but even love despised me. So I am sitting here in the empty cold silence as my mind gets quieter, until I can no longer hear the blood thumping in my ears. Until I can no longer see you, until my vision gets blurry and everything disappears for the last time.
But live on, move on, forget me. I was never meant to be here. I was never meant to be given the breath in my lungs, the blood in my veins, and the smile on my lips. Carry on as if you had never heard about me. As if I was never in your life. That is the only thing that I ask of you. Because we all know that is the best thing that you can do. It is the only thing you should do. Because the more you hold onto the what ifs, the worse off you'll be. Until you end up like me. Where the only way that you could ever be free is to let go and say goodbye. And that is a place that you never want to be at. Because the pain will eat you alive, the doubts and the wishing will make you so weak that you won't be able to fight back. And your mind can't think clearly anymore. Your mind will be so confused and blurry that you won't be able to find your way out. And then pretty soon there will be no way to get out.

. It’s like I don’t know why I search for answers , when I know my heart wants nothing to do with life. Even mustering words to be noticed doesn’t matter. Anyone can say anything, truth is life is unfair, we just want to squeeze some false hope out of it. I hate myself, and I hate people.  but as time passes I lose my state of thought, now I don’t even respond to pain like I use to. I just let it soak in, I don’t eat like I use to , I just let my stomach feed off of me, I don’t speak to anyone anymore, I just stare at them and pretend the voices is some eyrie soul telling me to end my life. We hold on to life because we don’t know what’s going to happen. As I slip away day by day in my thoughts I find I’m dying slowly. Slavery was around the corner. The world is not over it. I won’t speak of power, who cares who wants it. All I want is the same as you , to forget everything and not forget how much I hate being alive , I have no friends I don’t want any, I don’t see family I don’t want any. Alone makes you crazy, I talk to myself, and I bleed. When you become lost. Nothing matters what ppl say. Cause everyone is a hypocrite me too . Hope you find a way to live. If you have to go then sit and pray to anything , the devil God the plants pray to the insects that bit you. Just find energy to deter your mind. Because you will do it **** your soul then you will **** yourself. Don’t research anything on the internet it’s designed to make you wanna die more. Nothing can help you in life when you give up. That doesn’t mean nature cannot help. Hug a tree , lie in dirt and roll and scream out loud make the world hear you. If your ashamed to do any of this then you haven’t reached the stage of suicide you just feel life is unfair and wanna die. For me , im crazy and won’t accept help,  Why is like this, because all I see is slavery in life. Freedom is there but you suffer if you don’t input to society , so be here if you want go if you want. Stop worrying about who has the better answer for your problems , none of them can help you. Not even me, so die if you want live if you want post a message about dying if you want. You will still feel the same. I pray to the universe that the strings of your life be plucked differently so that your burdens in thought will fight for you and not against you.
L.S.

i want to leave not because
the world is too much,
but i am.
dancing in the sunshine,
singing in the rain,
smiling as if my life is brilliant.
my outside life if pretty perfect,
but the inside is rusty.
too many cracks and snags,
too many broken pipes, fractured beams
to be useful
anymore.
you wouldn’t use a vase that can’t hold water,
so why use a life that can’t hold joy?

I walked in the evening,
Throughout the widow's woods.
Following the rabbling brooks,
Down to the lonesome cliff spire.
On the edge I spied a man,
A ruffled suit, head in his hands.
Slowly, I approached him,
And sat by his sorrow.
'For what are you here sir,
For why have you come to shed tears over the edge,
Straight to the rocky jaws of the gorge's floor?'
He raised his head from it's rest,
Turned it to look at I.
'My friend I have come for death,
His sweet relief and eternal rest.'
Widened did my eyes,
'But friend, it is not your time,
I see a pool of youth still in this eye which you gaze with.'
He sighed, looked back to the edge,
'Your eyes lie to you my friend,
My years of youth are gone,
But before I go take this letter,
I want not my last thoughts to go o'er these falls.'
So I did, then once it laid safe in my hands, I left,
And so did the man,
But left not to his home,
But to the end.