The Count…by Jessie 1/06

Count the ones that said they cared
Count the times they lied
Count upon, you can not count
This truth you cannot hide
Count how many times they left
Divide it by returns
Ad it to the times it took, just for you to learn
Count up all the good days,
You had within the year
Subtract it from the bad days
A negative appears
Count up all the sorrys,
Each one has had to say
The meaningful a fraction;
Little price to pay
Count the quantum leaps you took,
With your heart in hand
Count the times right after,
Empty where you stand
Count the times you lay your head,
On the pillow just to dream
Count the times you’ve woken up,
Hearing yourself scream
Now stop and sharpen up the lead
One more problem to be solved
At what point do you stop the count
And let yourself resolve?

I've been in love
(or thought I was)
twice now
and I'm only
twenty years old.

I've spent my entire life
practicing the art
of letting go
and I lost track of
my losses
because I've never
been good with
numbers.

I have
added,
subtracted,
divided
and solved
my way back
to you

countless of times

and this is how
I know I am

no good at math.

I lost my job.
I lost control.
I lost my friends.
I lost my soul.
I lost my appetite,
My thirst.
I lost my blessings,
Found a curse.
I lost my dignity,
My pride.
I lost my heart.
I lost my mind.
I lost my vices,
Virtue too.
Nothing hurt —
Until I lost you.

in math class
and all we talk about is algebra
adding and subtracting
absolute values and square roots

when all on my mind is you
and as long as i add you to my day
it already sums up my week

but if you subtract yourself from my life
i'd fail even before the day ends
and i'd crumble faster than a
simple division equation

{j.m.}