On this losing streak
Has to turn around
Strive so hard but cannot escape
Failure to which I am bound

Until starting positive changes
Disappointment will remain on your face
Day after day promise to improve
Clear to see that's not the case

Gone are effortless exchanges
Excited words once eagerly shared
Sitting on sheets together
For a relationship was unprepared

In blink of an eye you lifted my world
A little closer towards the sun
Leaving each trace of regret beneath my feet
No idea what we had begun

All the moments spent since
I've discovered in your company
Collected and shown on display inside
Like antique coins or paintings in an art gallery

Done proclaiming pathetic excuses
Instead of trying my best
You deserve someone who would die in order
To protect treasure buried in your chest

One More Shot.

One more shot,that should numb the pain
One more shot, then I won't feel insane,
Just one more double on the rocks with ice,
Maybe then I won't feel so miserable,
Maybe I'll be nice,

One more drink to take the hurt away,
One more shot to keep the demons at bay,
One more double with a dash of lime,
Maybe if I'm lucky I will forget the past and
not travel back in time,

Bottoms up, cheers, salute,
Just one more drink,
Maybe now I won't think...think...think!!
One more shot before I loose my mind,
Just a single this time, I am falling behind..
Who am I kidding?! One more shot!!
I will have another drink and lie when
people say I seem to be in a bad spot

One more shot before I pass out only
to wake in the morning light
One more drink so my memories fade and I can have some sleep tonight,
Why can't I stop??!! I am not done!
To hell with it! One more shot!!
Don't tell me I have options!
I was given none!

Finally the last shot!! Make this one stiff and
Destructive please?!
I need just one more drink maybe then
the pain will ease,
Stumbling over my feet, Reaching my bed,
The world is spinning, my whole
body feel like lead,

Maybe one more shot was
one shot too many,
Was it the bourbon, the ***
or the tequila??!!
Wait did I have any?!
Self loathing and then anger,
and sadness and fears,
The emotions surge through me,
I fall into a deep sleep
drowning in my tears..

Tomorrow will be a repeat
of what I did today.
One more shot hoping it
chases the hurt away
©️Lolla Smith

The separation caused by conflicts left me in despair,
yearning to see my dad subsequently,
like an unconditionally loving couple being in the presence of those they love.

But the consistent isolation continues,
manifesting to spend more time together before he passes.

As I become older, life will be filled with persistent responsibilities,
leaving me with defective opportunities to spend time with those whom I love,
increasing loneliness and fear.

So I continue to manifest,
wishing for any opportunities to spend continuous time with my dad,
despite present complications,
due to his and my mother’s hard efforts,
to raise a child who will be more successful than they are.

Through struggle of love, with family we are.
Sweet kisses and hugs, he became my whole heart.
To our struggles we prayed would end
landlords, debt, our losses and then
Tonight again, we held close, closer and far.
Tomorrow I'll see him
My husband
My heart.

A depressive episode
Is a terrible experience
But once you're through
All the chaos and despair
The aftermath can be
Even worse...

Every color fade
Like you're watching life
Through an analog filter
While everyday tasks
Seem like climbing
Mount Everest

But we keep going
We somehow accomplish
Our extraordinary ordinary
Invisible little struggles
Just to get through
Another day

And maybe that's enough

The real me flushed down the drain,
Now I'm a dead corpse chained to someone's dream.

For all the good deeds, the times I made them proud,
They repay me with hate.
I wish this wasn't the fate.

In a state where silence starts to speak,
And the mind is weak, and no one to seek.

To love or be loved—I don't know which is harder,
Neither me nor my words speak louder.

The desire to end it all overrides, Hope,
Love, and The meaning of life.

Even if I did end it all,
My death wouldn't gain as much attention as a single drop of rain.

My dead corpse wants to be alive again,
Just like hoping for rain on a peak summer day.

In the end,
My thoughts suicidal,
My body weak,
But with a little hope
Where someone's love on me shall leak.

nothing but a scrap
of paper from a make-up catalog
saying,
“Real Flawless™”

but here i am,
unable to stop
thinking
about what it markets to me
what it asks of me
what it stipulates to be
true.

“Real Flawless”

modern day doublethink:
“my body is mine but
Yours
to look at and
Yours
to judge and so i shape it
to the eye that is
Yours—
i am proud though i make myself
small”

“Real Flawless”

mandatory affirmations, prayers more like,
repeat repeat repeat
how much i love myself even
as i consume comparisons
and then calculate the calories.

“Real Flawless”

the only reason
beauty is pain is
because it tears
us in two.