That feeling of being obligated.
Like a signal mom caring for a child that is not hers.

In the same way you came to me.
For whatever reason you adored me, like a child meeting their favorite superhero.

You admired my works like nobody else.

I admired the love you gave to me.
It was warm and unfamiliar.

So I stayed in bed a little longer.
The look that you gave me was passionate and ready…a burden on my back.

Something I could not repeat with my physicality.

I am a stranger to love and because of that I must vanish.

Leaving an oblivious note that you will read.

i think she likes me.
im just
not sure.
because that controlling
**** of a boyfriend
she has
is stopping me 
from ever really knowing.

she acts a way with him,
that makes it seem like
she's folding in
on herself.
he's homphobic,
agressive,
cold,
fifteen,
but already trying
to shrink the world
she lives in.

he checks her phone,
accesses her
social media via
her password
and getting mad
when she talks to
me.
what did i ever do?
she's allowed to
have friends.

but i think she likes me.
last night,
we flirted.
soft, small things --
but they felt
like secrets.
ones that if he knew,
he'd flip.
she'd say it was a friendly bunch
of compliments --
that meant nothing.
but her smile,
her eyes --
they told
a different story.

Cushioned in the cracks till the sliver meets eye,
I am a witness,
To the spider and the fly on the table,
Taking sip after sip of a heated debate over a purpose.

Eye twitching to the sides of the walls towards a painting,
Definition in the curves of the decay,
Still aesthetic from the lines to the dripping frame,
A figure crying with a smile at the dust and the webs,
Left by the painter.

We gander on at the ghosts of an empty room,
Before the creeks from the floor stopped existing,
Before the whites and the browns of the walls turned grey,
Where the fireplace whistles a fable,
Of a light it produced even brighter,
Than the beams cutting holes in the ceiling.

If not for the rain, I could've sworn I heard the songs of the tapping,
From the infants that stabbed at the windows,
Similar to the pitch of where the door used to be,
I used to scurry to the cleft of the kitchen,
To see the gods drink the sins of the passing week,
Where they would dance against the sides of the counter tops,
Before the moss conquered most of the tiles,
Before the corrosion ate away at the sink.

The rooms I used to venture to were worlds I thought never existed,
A land made of cotton and fabric,
Where the bodies would lie upon for hours,
Voices echoed from inside of a plastic box,
And showed a story of the lives within them,
I'd always watched till the frame within turned black,
I used to itch for the morrow and the after,
I used to crave for the revelation,

I still remember.

i like to think
you found my soul
before i had even
discovered
what it meant
to hand it over.

you whispered
forevermore
like it was a spell,
one you weren't planning
on keeping.
and i believed it.
because your eyes
said it
first.

and now you
walk past me
with that same mouth --
but it never
says my name.
yet i sit
with everything you left
unspoken,
sort of like a story
im rewriting
just to feel
chosen.

we were only three weeks from shore,
when thunder struck and started downpour,
a great mist and fog clouded our eyes,
blinded us to the direction of the tides,
progress soon we did lose,
and as we lamented our perilous cruise,
we did hear an enchanting voice,
we dropped our sails and made the choice,
to rescue that fair maiden poor,
lost at sea like a jewel in a moor,
alas, when we neared her silver tongue,
entranced in the light of the song she sung,
we threw ourselves at her feet,
watched with smiles as she began her feast.

We met in a lonely place
A look of curiosity reflected on my face
You took the seat next to mine
With a camera-ready smile
I rolled my eyes and downed my wine
You were wearing my husband’s cologne
With a cheesy joker’s grin
You knew I’d be all alone
And that I was desperate enough to sin
I woke up beside you in some hotel
What looked like heaven was hiding hell
But by then you knew me too well
How I’d rather die than go off by myself

You took me to places I’d never been before
We stayed up all night living scenes of  folklore
I warned you about the coming storm, you insisted we’d be fine
That was when you whispered, “I know you’re unhappy. So am I.”
Your face imprinted in my mind
Tapping my foot, anxiously waiting outside
I anticipate your signal under the moonlight’s glow
To this day I still know exactly when and where to go

We proceeded to meet in dark alleyways
I never noticed how close we were to your place
Even with my guilt I still could never get enough
Who knew someone with eyes so gentle could ever be so rough?
Our spouses turned a blind eye, we took it as a sign and carried on
Now the line is blurred between what is right and what is wrong
My friends can’t resist their sly remarks
They notice the spark reigniting in my eyes
You mended my broken and barren heart
But you’ll never be mine

For 6 long months we lived in the shiniest fables
Sneaking out almost every night, I have the path memorized
But it didn’t take long before our land became unstable
It all came crashing down, I was crushed by the weight of our lies
When the sirens rang you were nowhere to be found
You left my cold body to bleed on the ground
The look in your face is all I can remember now
You were unhappy and I was your way out
You held my broken frame
Somehow, there was always somebody else to blame
Now I’ll never be the same
No, we’ll never be the same

Now I sit at our table all alone
Trying desperately to erase the markings you made on me
The place we proudly called home
Has become the setting in tragedies
I stare at my reflection and remember your touch
What once brought me back to life now only hurts so much
Our bed became my tomb
Now I can’t escape the ghost of you

All I wish to do is forget now
But it’s hard to when you’re plastered all over town
The secrets and stories we both passed down
Someday you’ll leave my mind but I don’t know how
They say you’re still nowhere to be found