Zara, love of life,
Spake in curtled call
Allfather, lover of light,
To bestow those "ants of the earth"

And arch-bound as the sinew of bowstrings
Howling as the volley hertz roped
Along the celestial violin
Pluck souls from their bodies
In symphonic prediction

Ascende! On the wings of love's Valkyrie-- in her shining eyes will you greet the stars of the Otherworld!

________


Cleaning hide chunks from Buffalo tusks
There is a stranger, who knocks upon my door
The fire is wide and welcoming,
Borea chides the earthenwork
Outside, the stranger calls
distant through the door.

___________

A last heartsong,
The cup overflown with honey
A facsimile of symmetry
And not distinctly human
There was something to love in that,
Just the simple inclusion
Of all the other animus
Being formed in their conclusions

And following the arrowpoint
Floating by the bolt
What losses there to seek
Beyond a veiled humanity

We strike the fire one last time,
She to travel the mountain passes
Ashen eyes, holding viscous memories solidified

I to gather my quills
My thoughts and brush quickly the embers of love.
Into flame, carried deep into the hearts of the world and explored in violent disassociate
Particles red and hot

Then would Zara Spake again,

"with his eyes on the earth, will he never see but the stars."

COLLAB. WITH AUSTIN DRAPER

It’s little more than a quiet thought.
The impending feeling that the loneliness
was a creation of my own imploding self-conscious.
I wouldn’t have hurt you voluntarily,
so what outside force could know my mind so well?

It’s little more than a spoken word.
The rumble of the oncoming storm could be felt
from as close as 1.6 miles away,
where the darkness of your room invaded the
not-so secret spots of your heart.

I’m prone, to the truth in your words.
I’m not used to the idea of confronting my thoughts
And sorting them out to you.
Is it that I spoke wrong words? Or I stopped before they meant anything?
You mean so much, and now you are out of my reach.

We were five years old full of laughter and joy

We thought nothing could touch us

Invincible as we ran through the field at recess
We swore we were the
Fastest
The quickest

We grew up together?
No.
we grew apart together.

held hands with my best friends
In 6th grade
Making a pact that neither of us would do drugs

But it's three in the morning
And I'm smoking my second bowl at the beach.

Traded my Capri sun for a cup of lean

We run from the cops because we still swear we're the
Fastest

The quickest

We still think we're untouchable

Even as we walk through these halls sleep deprived

Nobody knows what happened last night

We wish we didn't know what happened that night

We refuse to acknowledge the events of that night

We won't even manage to look at each other in the eye

When they ask who's at fault
We repeat
Not I
Not I

So what does this mean for us?

Is this what we were so excited for?
Is this the moment we were so impatient for?

I couldn't wait to grow up

Now we're in the bathroom throwing up

These drugs we refuse to give up

I'm lost in a life that I was not prepared for

It's not like I didn't have a plan

In fact,

We had a plan

V was going to be a teacher
J was was going to be a fire fighter
N was going to be a power ranger
don't know how but we were five and everything seemed possible

And I
well
I wanted to change the world

But you know things happen

People change

V is having a baby
J is moving dope
N is six feet under

And I?
Well,
I'm trying really hard to keep it together

after that night we were just not the same

We lost ourselves
Just not the memory of that night
Unfortunately

Some parts I remember more  vividly

My skin feels *****
Just remembering

I know you felt guilty
And I have to admit that
For a long time
I hated all of you

But never as much as I hated myself
For losing control

For not finding the words to say
No

For thinking that maybe,

That maybe if I drank enough
I could drown the voices in my head telling me to **** myself

I wasn't satisfied with my life
I'm still not satisfied with my life
No matter how much alcohol I drink
No matter how much I fill my lungs with smoke
It won't ever fill this empty void.

Everyone was laughing and dancing downstairs.

But I felt sick.

He said he would help me feel better.

He was my friend.

My body felt heavy I just wanted to lie down.

I could smell the tequila on his breath as he whispered

"Trust me".

I closed my eyes in hopes that he would stop.

He said
"Don't worry, I've done this before"

My voice was gone
I stayed there in silence

He left to the bathroom
I left his bedroom
Stumbling
Crying

He almost got what he wanted
And nobody helped me

Instead,
We tried pretending that nothing had happened

We all blamed each other

Best friends forever
But
No longer together

I'm done pretending that nothing happened
I'm done making up excuses as to why I freeze up when I'm touched at times
I'm done staying quiet

But I want you to know that
I'm done being angry
It wasn't your fault
I shouldn't have blamed you

And despite everything,
I forgive him too.

I remember back when were five years old full of laughter and joy

We thought nothing could ever touch us.

Back when we were

invincible.

I look at this blank page
And I just write
I don't think about
What comes to mind
Sometimes
I'm able to find
A silver line
Among the black clouds
That try their best
To block out
The Light
Hope
It gets you through
The night

when i was told as a little girl.
"think before you speak"
i knew what mum was getting at
and what dad tried to get me to do.
but.
now i'm older, only a little older than yesteryear.
i was in a slumber.
now i have turned to my night-dreams.

if i thought before i spoke.
maybe i wouldn't have even said a single word.
maybe i would have been so lost in my thoughts
i would forget what i was saying. or thinking.
no one would no what i meant when i thought about tomorrow afternoon. they would stare into my starry eyes and wonder why they even bothered to talk to me. would they?
but i will never know. because.
even when i hurt someone through simple sounds flowing from my mouth. i would still make them cry. kick. scream. yell.
they would always know. that i never thought before i spoke.

or would they.